The results are in

My husband got a call from the doctor's office this morning, his results are all back. All his blood tests came back fine, and his semen analysis apparently came back better than average. We're going to collect the results soon, so we'll see what exactly they say. Hopefully he can be ruled out as the problem, anyway!

More later...

Big temp spike today (CD19)

My temp went up to 97.8 today, from 97.1 yesterday. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but maybe I ovulated yesterday! That would be awesome for a number of reasons:

1. my period won't come while we're on vacation
2. we've been having lots of sex (6 days in a row up to and including yesterday) so maybe we'll conceive this time
3. it would be a CD18 ovulation, so my cycle would be about 31 days which is much better than 35!
4. it would bring us one step closer to getting my testing done (HSG, glucose test)

I really hope I did ovulate yesterday, but I know it won't be confirmed on my chart unless the next 2 days temps are also high. Fingers crossed!!! :)

Oh, I almost forgot: this morning my microscope showed partial ferning. Huh. I don't know how much I trust it, I guess we'll have to see what my chart shows. I was really hoping the microscope would be accurate, but if I did ovulate yesterday then I'm not sure how accurate it can really be. I mean, the last ferning was CD13 so if I ovulated CD18 shouldn't the ferning have continued beyond CD13? I'll keep up with it anyway, I've got nothing to lose after all!

So I posted the other day that I didn't know how to respond to my cousin's email about their new baby etc. Well, I emailed him back after getting advice online, on how to write a non-bitchy reply. I wanted to convey that I'm happy for them but that we're struggling. This is what I wrote regarding the baby stuff:

I'm so happy to hear everything's going well with you all. It must have been very exciting to feel the new baby kick for the first time! :-)  We can't wait to experience all of those things too, but unfortunately we're having a really hard time getting pregnant. We haven't told anyone but we're going through infertility testing at the moment, it sucks. 

He replied, saying that they know exactly how we feel because they had some testing done before conceiving their first. If what his wife told me back then is true, though, they tried for maybe 6 months before she went and got Clomid (she'd had PCOS for years) and before she started taking it she got her BFP. Now their first is 2 and they're expecting their second. I appreciate the sentiment of what he wrote, but I don't think they really do know how we feel. To try for a year - knowing you're ovulating, charting your cycles and timing everything well - with no pregnancy to show for it. They're going to have 2 kids and possibly more in the future, while we have no idea if a baby is on the cards for us. It's kind of easy for them to say this stuff, right? Oh, and he said to relax and it'll happen. Yeah... I wish! The fact of the matter is that nobody can really say anything that will make me feel any better, so I'm just glad that he responded and doesn't think I'm being horrible. That's a relief, anyway.

With regards to testing: we're hoping to get the semen analysis results soon. The doctor said it typically takes 5-7 days, so hopefully by the end of this week we'll know if there are any issues there. I'm a little anxious about it, because if his tests come back bad our hopes will be dashed. I'm more concerned that I'll be the 'defective' one though - I really don't expect my hubby to have any issues. My mom has an underactive thyroid and that puts me at greater risk of having the same, so that could be the issue. Or my other hormones. Or anything, really. Hopefully we'll know more soon, anyway  :)

Disappointed

It really did look like I ovulated on CD15:

Not so, after all. I just really hope that it happens soon. If it's not going to happen, then at least let this cycle be no longer than usual so my stupid period doesn't ruin our short vacation.

CD18

I've been using my ovulation microscope every day, and there's been no more ferning since CD13. I really thought I was going to ovulate 3 days ago, I had a big temp drop and then a 0.5 degree rise the next day, but my temp is down again now.

I hope that I will ovulate soon, but I'm not sure if I will. If this cycle is going to be anovulatory, I just hope it'll be no longer than my usual cycles. I really don't want my period to ruin our little vacation! Also, I'd like to get my HSG done as soon as possible.

My cousin (the one whose wife is pregnant again) emailed me a couple of days ago to tell me he'd felt the baby move for the first time. I'm happy for them but reading those words was like a blow... will my husband ever experience that? Will we ever have a baby? I think what annoyed me the most was that before I read that email, I felt pretty damn good. I hate that a few little words, with no ill-intent behind them, can make me feel so low. I don't know how to reply to my cousin; I kind of want to let him know that while we're very happy for them, we're undergoing infertility testing and having a rough time. But, I don't really want to let that proverbial cat out of the bag. I also don't want to sound like a total bitch, or make him feel bad for sharing. But then again, I don't want to keep getting these updates because they really hurt. Is there a way to say nicely, without hurting anybody's feelings, that I can't deal with this stuff right now? I don't want to burn any bridges, but their pregnancy is hard for me (not least because the baby is due around our wedding anniversary in October, and I might not even be pregnant by then).

I hate feeling this way because I must be a horrible person to be upset by their new baby.  :(

CD15 temp drop

There was no ferning today, but I did find out I incorrectly recorded the ferning I did get on CD12 and CD13. I recorded it as partial ferning but it should have been full ferning. I've corrected that now, not that it makes much difference!

I feel as though I'm going to ovulate soon. My temp dropped this morning and that can be a sign of impending ovulation. It could also just be nothing, LOL.

If I do ovulate today or tomorrow, then I guess the microscope was accurate at predicting my fertile time. It's supposed to show ferning through ovulation though, so at this point I'm kind of skeptical. I will give it a chance, though. I'm going to use it every day, even when I'm on my period, just to see what it looks like. If nothing else, it's interesting. It's not like I'm relying on it anyway, I'm going by everything I usually use to determine the window of opportunity - this is just an additional thing. I do want it to be accurate, so I'll be disappointed if it isn't. We'll see!

Staycation booked! Woo-hoo!

After a lot of online searching, we finally chose the resort we want to stay at. It's a great resort, we've been before (just for a day) when my mom and step-dad stayed there last year. There are lots of nice pools and great mountain views. The rooms are amazing and it's conveniently located. It's booked! I'm so excited, more so because it was my hubby's idea. I hadn't even thought of the possibility of going anywhere, other than maybe a day trip or two. It will be so lovely to have a little break, just the two of us with no responsibilities. I love our dogs to pieces but it'll be so nice to get some "us" time. Also, it'll be a good point in my cycle to go and have a romantic break. I should be able to get my HSG and glucose test done the week before, and then I'll be somewhere around CD10-CD13 when we're away which is fine. No damn period to ruin our break!

It's still possible that we could conceive this cycle, of course. If we do then it'll save me from having the HSG done. That would be good timing! I'm not really worried about it but it's not the kind of thing anyone really wants to do, you know? Anyway, right now I don't really care about that stuff too much - I'm thinking about our mini-vacation! Three nights in a beautiful resort, enjoying each other, the gorgeous pools and everything else there is... Bliss!

My hubby said it'll be like a do-over of our honeymoon, which was good but not exactly relaxing! We went to San Diego for a week and spent 5 days going to the zoo, Sea World and the safari park. We were so tired after all that! This will be nice and romantic  :)

A romantic getaway? Yes please!

This morning I was excited to use my ovulation microscope, thinking that it would show full ferning. Wrong! Not one single fern. I tried 3 separate times, thinking that maybe I messed up with the saliva sample (one time I managed to get air bubbles in the sample), but nope. No ferns. I wonder if my body geared up to ovulate and then didn't. I don't know if that's possible with the saliva testing but I know it's possible with urine ovulation predictors, so I guess it probably is with this too. Anyway, today is CD14 so it's not like I was really expecting to ovulate yet anyway. I'm not putting all my faith into the microscope, because I'm not sure yet if it's going to be accurate for me. I find it odd that there was no ferning at all but my CM has become very watery - I'm going to assume I'm fertile now and we'll be sure to DTD regularly until ovulation has been confirmed. I hope the microscope will be accurate but I'd hate to rely solely on that, only to miss our window of opportunity!

My hubby surprised me yesterday by saying he wants us to go away for a few days. It'd be a 'stay-cation', we wouldn't go far. He has a couple of days off work at the end of June so we could make the most of that and have 3 nights away in a nice resort. I've been looking today and there are some good deals available, so hopefully we'll make it happen. It's probably exactly what we both need, a little break just the two of us. We'd have to board the dogs of course (between $60 and $85 per day for our two) and our foster pugs would need to go to someone else for the time we're away. I've emailed the ladies in charge of the rescue and they said it's not a problem. Yay! I guess we can go ahead and book something then! Now I just need to find the resort we want to stay at...