Big temp spike today (CD19)

My temp went up to 97.8 today, from 97.1 yesterday. I'm trying not to get my hopes up but maybe I ovulated yesterday! That would be awesome for a number of reasons:

1. my period won't come while we're on vacation
2. we've been having lots of sex (6 days in a row up to and including yesterday) so maybe we'll conceive this time
3. it would be a CD18 ovulation, so my cycle would be about 31 days which is much better than 35!
4. it would bring us one step closer to getting my testing done (HSG, glucose test)

I really hope I did ovulate yesterday, but I know it won't be confirmed on my chart unless the next 2 days temps are also high. Fingers crossed!!! :)

Oh, I almost forgot: this morning my microscope showed partial ferning. Huh. I don't know how much I trust it, I guess we'll have to see what my chart shows. I was really hoping the microscope would be accurate, but if I did ovulate yesterday then I'm not sure how accurate it can really be. I mean, the last ferning was CD13 so if I ovulated CD18 shouldn't the ferning have continued beyond CD13? I'll keep up with it anyway, I've got nothing to lose after all!

So I posted the other day that I didn't know how to respond to my cousin's email about their new baby etc. Well, I emailed him back after getting advice online, on how to write a non-bitchy reply. I wanted to convey that I'm happy for them but that we're struggling. This is what I wrote regarding the baby stuff:

I'm so happy to hear everything's going well with you all. It must have been very exciting to feel the new baby kick for the first time! :-)  We can't wait to experience all of those things too, but unfortunately we're having a really hard time getting pregnant. We haven't told anyone but we're going through infertility testing at the moment, it sucks. 

He replied, saying that they know exactly how we feel because they had some testing done before conceiving their first. If what his wife told me back then is true, though, they tried for maybe 6 months before she went and got Clomid (she'd had PCOS for years) and before she started taking it she got her BFP. Now their first is 2 and they're expecting their second. I appreciate the sentiment of what he wrote, but I don't think they really do know how we feel. To try for a year - knowing you're ovulating, charting your cycles and timing everything well - with no pregnancy to show for it. They're going to have 2 kids and possibly more in the future, while we have no idea if a baby is on the cards for us. It's kind of easy for them to say this stuff, right? Oh, and he said to relax and it'll happen. Yeah... I wish! The fact of the matter is that nobody can really say anything that will make me feel any better, so I'm just glad that he responded and doesn't think I'm being horrible. That's a relief, anyway.

With regards to testing: we're hoping to get the semen analysis results soon. The doctor said it typically takes 5-7 days, so hopefully by the end of this week we'll know if there are any issues there. I'm a little anxious about it, because if his tests come back bad our hopes will be dashed. I'm more concerned that I'll be the 'defective' one though - I really don't expect my hubby to have any issues. My mom has an underactive thyroid and that puts me at greater risk of having the same, so that could be the issue. Or my other hormones. Or anything, really. Hopefully we'll know more soon, anyway  :)

CD15 temp drop

There was no ferning today, but I did find out I incorrectly recorded the ferning I did get on CD12 and CD13. I recorded it as partial ferning but it should have been full ferning. I've corrected that now, not that it makes much difference!

I feel as though I'm going to ovulate soon. My temp dropped this morning and that can be a sign of impending ovulation. It could also just be nothing, LOL.

If I do ovulate today or tomorrow, then I guess the microscope was accurate at predicting my fertile time. It's supposed to show ferning through ovulation though, so at this point I'm kind of skeptical. I will give it a chance, though. I'm going to use it every day, even when I'm on my period, just to see what it looks like. If nothing else, it's interesting. It's not like I'm relying on it anyway, I'm going by everything I usually use to determine the window of opportunity - this is just an additional thing. I do want it to be accurate, so I'll be disappointed if it isn't. We'll see!

Changes for the better

Yesterday we went and joined the gym. We managed to fit in a 30 minute workout, which isn't as much as I'd have liked but by the time we'd been to the store (I needed some sneakers and we both needed shorts!), then signed up at the gym, it was close to 5 p.m. We're going again today when my hubby finishes work, and this time we'll probably be there for an hour or so. We both felt better after our short workout yesterday, so going regularly will definitely help.

I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.

As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.

 

This probably sounds terrible, but I'm glad that I haven't heard from my cousin and his wife since they announced their new pregnancy. I can really do without her going on about "how much worse everything is when you're pregnant" - said with a smug smile. Hmmm. They don't know anything about us TTC, but comments like that are a bit of a blow right now. Rationally I know that comment was nothing, but it irked me. Kind of like when people say stuff like "you wouldn't know since you don't have kids", etc. Like I need reminding of that!

Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?

Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.

Exactly 11 months of TTC: thinking about possible options.

I hate to sound pessimistic, but I'm pretty convinced that this cycle is a bust like all the rest. Today is 11 dpo and I started spotting yesterday. I got a BFN when I tested yesterday. I didn't test today as the spotting is still there and it seemed like a waste of a test. My period is due Saturday (5/12) if my LP is its usual 13 days, so it won't be long now. I have a feeling my LP might end up being shorter this time because the spotting started earlier than usual. Normally it starts at 11 or 12 dpo, but it started at 10 dpo this time. My chart still looks OK, I guess, but the spotting is a pretty good indicator that we haven't been successful.

I'm going to be honest and say that yesterday was a terrible day for me. I just felt so low about the whole thing. I snapped at my hubby and then cried my eyes out. I really don't like what this process is doing to me, sometimes I can be such a bitch. I just feel like a total failure and this whole thing just hurts so much. For as long as I can remember I've wanted so much to be a mommy, and when we started our TTC journey I never imagined that at this point I wouldn't be pregnant. We know when I ovulate and we time things well every single cycle. I can't help but think there's something wrong, you know? I'm 28 and my hubby is 30. We don't have any medical issues as far as we know. We don't smoke, we hardly ever drink (we might have a couple of glasses of wine right at the beginning of my cycle when I don't temp, but that's it). I've been taking Mucinex for a few months around my fertile time to improve my cervical mucus and we started using Pre-Seed this cycle. We're going to join a gym today and we'll aim to go 3 times a week. Other than that I don't know what else we can really do to improve our chances.

Anyway, my hubby has made an appointment with his doctor for next week to get a referral for a semen analysis. It seems like the obvious thing to do, since it's non-invasive. I'll obviously need to get tested too, but at least if we know there are no sperm issues that's a start. Of course the SA could come back with bad results, but if that's the case we'd be better off knowing. If he's sterile (which I doubt, but who knows right?) then I can stop this crazy cycle of ups and downs. I'd be able to stop charting and all of that, because really what would be the point in that case? I honestly believe if either of us has a fertility issue it will be something wrong with me rather than him, but at least the SA will shed some light on things. There's every chance it'll come back great, and I really hope it does. We're both as prepared as we can be that it might not, though.

We've already discussed what our options might be if his SA is awful, and decided that we probably wouldn't want to use donor sperm if it came down to that. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I think I'm mostly worried that my hubby wouldn't be able to handle it if I was pregnant and it technically wasn't his baby. Plus, I really want for us to have a baby that's part of us both.

If it transpires that IVF is our only option, I don't know what we'll do. We can't afford it (it costs approx. $16,000 per cycle, maybe even more). My issue with IVF is this: when do you stop? Wouldn't you just feel like "maybe the next cycle will work"? You'd have invested so much emotionally and financially, that you might not want to stop until you ended up with a baby. That could end up costing more than our house! Like I said, we couldn't really afford it anyway. If it was 100% guaranteed, then we'd probably make it work. Sadly, the odds are generally much lower than that.

We've talked about adoption and I did a little bit of research yesterday, but it sounds quite daunting. Apparently for every healthy baby up for adoption in the US, there are 40 couples waiting to adopt. Yikes. It can also cost up to $40,000, which is beyond our reach. The website I looked at tried to make the cost seem better by saying something along the lines of "any method of having a baby costs money - hospital bills etc." While this is true, there's this thing called insurance and ours covers virtually everything pregnancy and delivery related. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't cover anything to do with adoption! Plus, adoption opens a whole other can of worms. Some people who were adopted don't have a problem with it, while others have a whole host of issues because of it.

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here: as far as we know, neither of us have any fertility problems. If one (or both) of us are found to have issues, they might be easily treated. There's a good chance we'll never need to consider IVF or adoption. I guess I just need to get my thoughts out at the moment!

I think joining the gym will do us both good, it'll be a great outlet for our frustrations. Back in the UK I loved going to the gym: I'd go 4 or 5 times a week. It helped - at that time, hubby (then fiancé) and I were more than 5,000 miles apart and it kept me busy.

I sometimes feel as though my hubby doesn't feel the way I do about our lack of pregnancy, but after talking to him last night I think it's just that he's better at hiding his feelings than I am. He's probably almost as disappointed as I am about the whole thing, but he doesn't get emotional like I do. I get it, in some ways it's not so real for men as it is for women. He's not the one having awful periods, feeling like everyone else is pregnant, charting, taking 2 different vitamins every day, taking Mucinex, using Pre-Seed, monitoring potential symptoms, taking pregnancy tests, etc. There's a quote out there that says something like this: a woman becomes a mother as soon as she finds out she's pregnant; men become fathers when the baby is born. There may be some truth to that, because it's not the guy who experiences pregnancy first-hand.

I really want the whole package - I want to be pregnant and experience the whole thing. I know it's not glamorous, and sometimes pregnancy is downright uncomfortable and annoying. I want to have that, though: to know our baby is growing in my tummy, to go to scans and see the baby on the screen, to give birth... all of it. I really hope it'll happen for us soon.

9 dpo today

I haven't had any further spotting or bleeding since my last post. It lasted for that one day (6 dpo) and that's it. This morning I tested and it was negative, which isn't too surprising since today is only 9 dpo. I should've waited, really. I guess I'll test again in a couple of days at 11 dpo. Who knows how long my LP will be this time... my last one was 15 days but it's usually 13. I'll just have to watch my temperatures and see what happens!

I've been having a lot of left-sided cramping and some back pain, which I read is a good sign, but at this point I've had almost every "pregnancy" symptom in the book at one point or another so I'm not really getting my hopes up too much! I'd like to think that it'll be our turn, but I need to be realistic too. In 2 days we'll have been TTC for 11 months, and each of my previous cycles has ended in major disappointment. That's not to say it's impossible for this cycle to have a different outcome: just that after all this time I'm so used to seeing BFNs and being disappointed that I can't invest too much in the idea that I could actually get a BFP.

My chart still looks pretty good and I'm not worried about my temp dropping this morning. There's every chance it could go back up tomorrow. Even if it doesn't, it's still way above my pre-ovulation temps so it's still OK.

 

Anyway I need to do the dishes, make bread and generally clean the house. Fun times! ;)

6 dpo and a little confused!

So I don't really know what's going on, but I'm having some bleeding today. TMI - it's bright red and maybe a little watery. My chart still looks really good - my temp is still high. It's just kind of strange, and it came as a total shock.

Of course I'm hoping that it could be implantation bleeding; that's one possible explanation, anyway. I don't know what else it could be, but I really hope that I'm not going to have another cycle with a ridiculously short luteal phase. I looked at my chart for the cycle where my LP was only 8 days (5 days shorter than usual) and it doesn't look anything like my current cycle, so hopefully my LP isn't going to be an issue this time.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the bleeding/spotting could be a good sign - that's about all I can do right now anyway!

Excited!

I ovulated 3 days ago, on CD17! Wow. I wasn't expecting that to happen - previously the earliest I've ovulated was CD19, and it's usually around CD21-23 (and has been as late as CD28) so this is amazing! My temp spiked Sunday morning by 0.9ºF, and it's still in the higher range. Saturday (ovulation day) I had spotting which I guess was related to ovulation. We used Pre-Seed CD15, CD17 and CD18. Our timing was very good this time, too. I feel positive at the moment, but I know nothing is guaranteed. 

Here's my chart:

Maybe this time I'll get my BFP!  :)

Trying a new approach

Last night we were shopping at Target and I grabbed some Pre-Seed. It's something I've thought about trying, and it couldn't hurt. There are lots of women who swear by it, but I know that doesn't guarantee anything. It could work for us, it might not. It's worth a try, though.  :)

So, this cycle we're trying:

• BBT charting
• Cervix checking
• B50 complex & prenatal vitamins
• Mucinex
• Pre-Seed

We're also doing the deed more often, too. Previously we've been doing the every other day thing, but I want to try more this time if we can. It's hard to know when I'm actually going to ovulate, but as long as we do it at least every other day (and more often when we want to) it'll be OK.

I started having fertile CM yesterday (CD14) so I started taking Mucinex yesterday and I'll continue until ovulation is confirmed on my chart. When we DTD from now on, we'll use Pre-Seed every time (during my fertile window).

I feel strangely positive at the moment - it's a stark contrast to how I've felt these past couple of weeks. I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking that the Pre-Seed will definitely do anything for us. I just feel optimistic, which is nice.  :)

My temp spiked a little this morning, but I don't think I've ovulated yet. I'd be ecstatic if I did ovulate on CD14 though - that would be a miracle for me, LOL. I'd be so happy to ovulate before CD18, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will one of these times...

I have to move on

I've decided that I can't continue to dwell on my lack of pregnancy. I just can't keep on like this. I'm going to try to adopt the laid-back perspective of "if it happens, it happens". That's not to say that we won't continue to actively try; we will. I just can't focus on it so much any longer.

On one level I would like to quit charting, but I feel it would be a mistake to do so because if we do end up having to see any fertility specialists, it would surely be beneficial to be able to provide them with my charts. I also don't think I could handle the "not knowing" - whether I ovulated and if so, when; if my period is actually late or if I just ovulated late, etc. I have to keep it up because I think that stopping now would just bring even more uncertainty. I don't plan on charting forever, though. I think if nothing's happened by October (that will be 16 months of trying, and 16 months of charting - and hopefully 14 "normal" cycles because I've had 2 weird ones so far) then we will go and get checked out. If there's no problem found, then I don't know where we'll go from there. I might keep charting until it's been 2 years (that would be June 2014) and then just stop. I hope that we won't even get to the point of having to see a fertility doctor... but if we do, I hope all these charts will be useful.

Very confused...

Today I'm 13 dpo, so my period is due tomorrow. However, my temp this morning went back up. This is so odd, because normally at 12 dpo it drops quite significantly. I don't really know what's going on. I'm still spotting, and it's gotten heavier, but I really don't understand my chart. It's never looked like this before at 13 dpo.

I tested this morning and it was negative, as I expected. I wouldn't have tested if my temp wasn't high, but I was curious. What am I supposed to think about this? I know some women have some spotting or bleeding and mistake it for their period when they're in fact pregnant, but what are the chances? I can't get my hopes up, because it's devastating when it turns out it was all for nothing.

I'm fairly sure that tomorrow my temp will drop dramatically and it'll all be over, but what if it doesn't? Some women don't get a BFP until a few days (or more) after their period is due. Could that happen to me? I guess. The spotting makes me pretty certain that I'm not going to be getting my BFP this time, but there's a tiny glimmer of hope with my chart looking the way it does. Hmmm...

5dpo :)

I didn't get my BFP with my last cycle, but it's all good. I'm currently 5dpo, and I ovulated CD19! That's the earliest it's ever happened for me since we started TTC. I'm so happy that my ovulation day is heading in the right direction. Last month it happened CD21 which I was also pleased about (my earliest before that was CD22). CD19 is awesome for me!

Here's my chart:


It looks good so far, but it's too early to make any predictions of course. At this point I'm just happy that I ovulated earlier than usual!

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Our last foster pug was adopted a couple of weeks ago, he went to his new home on Valentine's Day. He has 2 moms now who both love him to bits! I'm so happy for the little guy. His new name is Ollie, much easier than Tien Ping! LOL. He was the first one I wasn't really worried about when he left us; he's so easy-going and when he came to us from his original owner, he was absolutely fine. I knew he'd be fine leaving us, and not upset or anything.

The day after he left, I went to pick up our new foster pug (Hudson). He'd just had surgery that day: He was neutered, but that wasn't straightforward because he had an undescended testicle so they had to open his abdomen up. They also widened his nostrils because he was having trouble breathing. Anyway, he seemed OK (groggy from the anesthetic of course). I sat with him the next couple of days while he rested. My hubby was away in Wisconsin on a business trip, so it was just me and the pugs. Anyway, on the Saturday evening, about 10 minutes after the vet closed (typical!) his abdominal incision started oozing orange stuff. Not good. I called the advice line for our local vet and they said it sounded like an infection (which we assumed it was) and to keep it as clean as possible and take him to the vet the next day. Luckily, the vet he'd had surgery at is open 7 days a week so that wasn't a problem. Hudson was so good, he let me clean him up as often as I needed to (frequently) - he would just lay there and let me do what I had to do. The next day it was even worse, and we got him to the vet at lunchtime (first available appointment). Initially the vet thought it was an infection which would be treatable by antibiotics at home, but she went and examined him again just to be sure and came back to tell us he needed another surgery. She said it was worse than she'd realized at first and that he had a really bad infection and an open area, so he had to be opened up again, have an abdominal wash-out and be re-closed. OMG! So we left him at the vet and came home, which just about killed me. He's not even our dog and we'd only had him 4 days at that point, but I cried my eyes out that afternoon. I was so scared for him; the whole thing was pretty traumatic.

Well, when they did the surgery they found out that he'd actually had a really bad reaction to his sutures and that had caused the wound to break down. They had to cut away the bad tissue (the vet said it was hard because his tissue was 3 times thicker than it should have been, due to the reaction) and wash his abdomen out, then re-suture the incision. The fact it was a suture reaction was actually a good thing, it was better news than a massive infection anyway. So we collected him the day after and he seemed great. The incision looked so much better and he was a lot perkier. We were given antibiotics for him but the vet said his culture results wouldn't be back for 3-4 days so he may need his antibiotics switching when they came back. We took him home and he was so happy to be back! Unfortunately the next day, he started vomiting (it was almost projectile!) and hubby called the vet; they said to bring him back in. They gave him subcutaneous fluids because he was a little dehydrated (even though he'd been drinking), and they gave him shots of his anti-inflammatory, antibiotic and an anti-nausea med. That was good - we didn't have to worry about giving him his meds for the rest of the day. He had to be fed a bland diet in small amounts every 2-3 hours (scrambled egg and rice). I did that for the rest of that day and the following morning, and then his incision started to bleed again. OMG!!!! My heart sank; what was wrong now? We got him an appointment at the vet (again) and I contacted one of the people in charge of pug rescue, who said that she would speak to the vet and ask if Hudson could stay there for a night or two. When we took him in, the vet told us he had 2 infections going on (the culture results had just come back), and the antibiotics he was on were only tackling one of those infections. That kind of explained things! By the time of his appointment, he wasn't actively bleeding. They took him back to the treatment area and started him on his new antibiotics. They called us at 7pm and said they'd cleaned him all up and would see how his incision was in the morning. They called us the next morning and told us it was fine, no bleeding or anything overnight. They also found out he had a 3rd bug in there, but luckily the antibiotics he was on was good for all 3. We arranged to collect him that afternoon, and he's been doing great since! One of his nose sutures came out on Saturday, but that's OK, it's healed nicely (that was 11 days post-surgery and the nose sutures are supposed to come out on their own). His other one is still in, but I'm sure it won't be long before it comes out too.

He still has to wear his e-collar because otherwise he tries to get to his sutures, but he's doing so well. It's obvious he feels a million times better. He's resting in his crate the majority of the time, because I really don't want him to have any more complications and he tries to jump and run when he's out of the crate. Plus, our pugs try to play with him (he so wants to play!) and I'm scared of his sutures being pulled out or something. I'm going to take him for his first short walk today, just down to our local small pet store (like a 10 minute round-trip). He's a skinny little guy, he was found wandering stray with 2 other pugs (a boy and a girl). The girl was pregnant and had a hole in her uterus, so her spay was complicated. Just as well she came to pug rescue when she did, because she probably would've died if the pregnancy had progressed. She was adopted on Saturday :-) The trio weren't bonded, they're all fine on their own. Just as well, because it's hard enough to find a home for a pair, never mind for 3. Hudson is the cutest little guy and I just know he's going to be really popular when he's up for adoption. There's an event this Saturday but I don't know if he can go to it. Hopefully he can, his sutures should be out by then. I haven't been able to write his bio yet because I can't really tell anyone much about him - whether he's potty-trained, leash-trained, how he interacts with other dogs, etc. It'll have to wait until he's able to be free of his e-collar, LOL.

Here's the lovely Hudson:

10dpo today :)

I should know in the next couple of days whether we're in with a good chance this cycle. Usually I start spotting at 11dpo (although last month that didn't happen) and since I've been charting, my temp has always dropped pretty significantly at 12dpo. If that happens then I guess I'm out again. If my temp stays high at 12dpo it's probably a good sign. The best sign (other than a positive pregnancy test) would be missing my period - I really hope it doesn't come! Well, that's stating the obvious!

I feel kind of crampy, very bloated, gassy and tired. This morning I had a 90 minute hot stone massage - I wasn't sure whether to have it or wait until I get my period, but I figured the chances are it would be fine and more likely than not there's nothing to affect anyway. I've been testing every day since 8dpo (way too early, I know!) and all of my tests have been negative. I honestly don't expect anything else at this point - sure, I really hope for my BFP, but it never surprises me when all I get is negatives. After last month I'm not getting my hopes up!

8DPO / Thanksgiving / Crochet

I'm 8DPO today and feeling OK. Yesterday my temp dropped below coverline on my chart, but it's back up again today. It could have been an "implantation dip" which is kind of a misnomer, because it doesn't mean you're pregnant. It's not really known what causes it but it can happen regardless of pregnancy. It could just be one of those things, or it could be a good sign.

I haven't had this kind of pattern on my chart before, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything either I guess. It looks OK but I don't know really. I took a test this morning, even though I knew it was most likely going to be negative (it was). I'm planning on testing again on Sunday, at 10dpo. We'll see though, I know I'm impatient and might go ahead and test again tomorrow even though it's probably a waste of a test. Just as well I have all those cheap Wondfos, huh?!?!

I really hope that this might be it. I know we haven't been trying all that long compared to a lot of people, but it feels like a long time even though it's only been 6 months since I stopped taking birth control pills. We'd be over the moon if I get pregnant, seriously. I really hope it'll happen soon, as in this cycle, LOL.

I'm actually trying not to think about it too much, which is obviously not working too well. I'm not stressing about it though, so that's something I guess. I just have to not allow myself to think about how awesome it would be to be pregnant. We were shopping yesterday and we wound up in the baby section of the store. Seeing all the adorable baby clothes and blankets etc. made me all excited, so we had to leave that area because I really don't wanna get my hopes up only to have them dashed again.

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Damn, I'm so sleepy today. Yesterday was Thanksgiving of course, and we had our friends Z & O over and my BIL. It was a hectic day. I spent virtually all day Wednesday cleaning the house from top to bottom, and yesterday we had lots of cooking to do. Of course there was way too much food - we had chips and little spicy sweet sausages for snacks before dinner, and we cooked the turkey, mashed potatoes and a green bean casserole (my first ever - it was really yummy!). Our friends brought stuffed mushrooms and stuffing and BIL brought 2 pies, pecan and pumpkin. He also brought soda and our friends brought beer. We ate so much last night but this morning I was still really hungry and had to eat pretty much right away when I got up. I really don't think today is going to be very productive, honestly.

I've been doing some crochet, I started on Monday and made 2 little owls. I made another 2 on Tuesday so now there are 4. I was thinking of sending them as Christmas gifts, since they're small and light and therefore shouldn't be too expensive to send to the UK. I think I'm gonna send them to 6 or 7 people, so I planned on making 12 and then I'll have lots to choose from. Originally I was going to try to make 12 by the end of this week but I don't think that's going to happen now. I might make one later, and maybe a few over the weekend depending on what we end up doing. Here are the 4 I've made so far - I made the green one first, then the multi-colored one, then the red one and finally the blue one.

They're small, maybe about 3 inches tall (the red one is probably 2 inches, it's quite a lot smaller than the others, but they're all different anyway). I didn't use a pattern (I'm useless at interpreting patterns) so they're just kind of made as I go along. They're all basically the same idea, just slightly different in size etc. I have 11 different yarns so I can make loads of different color combinations. It's been fun, I've been meaning to get back into crochet for ages but never got around to it. I'm glad I started up again, it's a nice little hobby :-)

4DPO :)

Well, I now have a chart that looks how it should - no longer does it say ovulation was on CD14! I actually changed the tuning from 'advanced' to 'FAM' which is what a lot of women recommend doing, and it changed the O date from CD14 to CD28 which is when I thought I ovulated. Yay!


So now I'm 4DPO and I definitely feel as though I ovulated - gassy and bloated as I always am post-ovulation. My period will be due on my birthday, which kinda sucks! If we're successful this cycle though, I could be getting the best birthday present ever - my BFP! I'd love for that to happen, it would be totally awesome! I know logically though that I'm more likely to get my period than my BFP, just as with every other cycle.

I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best, but I don't like that I ovulated so late in my cycle. I know it's possible to conceive when you ovulate late, but I feel as though it's maybe less likely. I mean, doesn't it become harder for the fertilized egg to implant because the endometrial lining gets thicker and thicker as time goes on? But, I have read about one woman who ovulated on CD52 and got pregnant, had a healthy pregnancy and now has a healthy baby. So it's definitely not impossible! I think if I keep ovulating really late, I'll go see an OBGYN. I mean, it's good that I am ovulating, but if late ovulation is not likely to result in pregnancy, I may need some help getting pregnant. Maybe Clomid or something to make me ovulate earlier, I don't know. I also know it hasn't been all that long since I came off birth control pills - it's exactly 6 months today since I took my last one, actually - so maybe my body is still trying to regulate itself and I just need to give it more time.

I'd be so happy to have regular 28 day cycles. Or even 32 day cycles! This one will be 41 days I think, because I ovulated on CD28 and have a 13 day LP (unless that changes this time). If I could just ovulate by CD17, I could have 30 day cycles and it would be so much easier than these long cycles. Yes, it means more periods, but it also means more chances to conceive. My cycles so far have been 35, 35, 42, 37 days and now this one should be 41 days. That's only 5 cycles in 190 days - it gives me an average cycle length of 38 days. If that keeps up, I'll have less than 10 chances to conceive in a year, whereas people with 28 day cycles have about 13. It may not seem like a big difference, but when you're TTC it feels like a huge thing!

Anyway, I need to go walk the dogs. They're all fast asleep in their lovely beds right now, we bought a big dog bed yesterday and our foster pug Cheko is sleeping right in the middle of it. Our girls Suzie & Gracie are snuggled together in one of the other beds - they usually squish together even though there's another perfectly good bed right there! Too cute :)

12DPO

It's really not looking good - still spotting and now my temp has dropped. My period will likely show up tomorrow or the day after. *sigh*


I hope my next cycle will be more 'normal' - maybe I'll ovulate at a decent point in my cycle, for once. Maybe my temps will be easier to read, with less fluctuations.

I think I'm gonna stop taking the B-50 complex. It doesn't seem to have done anything to increase my LP length, and I don't want to increase the dosage so I'll just stop taking it when I get my period. I'll obviously keep taking my prenatals though.

11DPO

Today marks 11DPO, and I've started spotting a little. Ugh... I'm still kinda hoping it's implantation bleeding, but I'm having a hard time trying to convince myself of that. In my last ovulatory cycle, I started spotting at 11DPO as well. I know that this could technically be implantation bleeding, but really, isn't it too much of a coincidence that I started spotting on the exact same day as before? I guess anything's possible, but I'm inclined to believe that I'm not going to get my BFP this month. :(

It sucks, because this would be a great time to get my BFP. I know that whenever it happens it'll be amazing, but just in time for my hubby's 30th birthday? Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. I realized today that the last time I ovulated (before this time) was July 20th. That's almost 3 months ago! I know my last cycle was messed up by us moving house (at least, I'm pretty sure it was the stress from the move that prevented ovulation) but it feels like such a long time. I know that some women have serious trouble ovulating at all, so I don't want to sound like a whiney bitch, but I just wish I had regular 28 day cycles! I know it's only about 5 months since I stopped taking birth control pills, so my body might still be regulating itself, but long cycles really do suck. My shortest so far has been 35 days, the longest (my anovulatory one) was 42. I have heard of some women having cycles of 100+ days though, so maybe I should just be grateful for what I have. There's always someone worse off, right?

I tested again this morning - BFN (of course). It could still be too early, I guess. Or, more likely, I'm just not getting pregnant this month!

Anyway, for what it's worth, here's my chart. I'm pretty sure this won't be my BFP cycle, but technically I'm not out until my period shows. I still have a glimmer of hope, at least for now! :)

10DPO

I'm 10DPO today and feeling super hormonal! I'm having a lot of cramping, which has been quite painful at times. I'm still very gassy and bloated, and my skin is truly awful. I've tested at 8, 9 and 10DPO and all were negative (of course). I knew I shouldn't test until 12DPO but it seems I never listen to my own advice... Anyway, I haven't had any spotting yet so even though I'm cramping a lot I don't think my period is imminent. The last ovulatory cycle I had, I started spotting at 11DPO and my LP was 13 days. Now that I'm on the B vitamins, my LP may be longer, I don't know.

My chart still looks good, but it's probably still too early to make any real predictions. Here's my current chart:



Interestingly, my post-O temps are similar to my last ovulatory cycle... at least from 6-8DPO, anyway. Here's that chart:


The big difference with my current cycle's chart is that the cross-hairs are solid, which means FF is very sure of my ovulation day. Last time, they were dotted which means it wasn't entirely sure. The temperature rise with my current cycle was the rise and fall kind, which is also different, but it's a recognized ovulation pattern so I don't think that's anything I need to worry about.

I only hope that my temps stay high and that AF doesn't show! I'd love to get my BFP this month, it would be wonderful. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, though. I'll most likely keep testing with my Wondfos every day until 14DPO, if my period hasn't turned up by that point. At least the Wondfos are cheap, so it won't break the bank! :)

As I suspected...

So with this morning's temp, my chart no longer shows ovulation. I expected that this would happen, because I didn't truly believe it when it said I O'd on CD37. Last cycle my post-O temps were much higher (above 98ºF) and the biphasic pattern was a lot more obvious. This is how my chart looks today, one big mess!


I'm so tired of this bullshit cycle. Today is CD41 and I still haven't ovulated, I very much doubt that I will now. If I do, chances are I won't get pregnant according to what I've read. I just want this cycle to end - either to ovulate (with no doubt that it's happened) or to just get my damn period so we can start over. In a way I want to just stop temping now, and resume when I start my next cycle, but I want to know what's going on and if I do O I want to know about it. Ugh. This whole thing sucks!

Hubby is on-call starting today for the entire week (finishing next Monday morning) which means that we'll probably get woken up at 3 a.m. or thereabouts multiple times. That's not good for temping! I hope he has an easy week so we're not both like zombies. Also, we're gonna need to keep DTD at least every other day, just in case I do O. This week is going to be a tough one as far as TTC goes. It'd probably be best if I just got my period, honestly. :-(

CD17... Lots of cramping!

Today I've felt very hormonal and now I'm cramping a lot, so I wonder if I'm going to ovulate soon... Fingers crossed! My chart is still weird of course, but hopefully when I do ovulate it will be obvious. It was last time, anyway.


I'm hoping we'll DTD tonight, but hubby doesn't seem to be in the mood. Last night he was too tired. We've probably been overdoing it, we should've just stuck to every other day but I guess we got carried away. I really feel like I'm about to ovulate though so it would totally suck if we don't get to DTD...

Packing up the house!

Today I cleaned the house, we went out for lunch (pizza - bad I know!) and then I started packing up our stuff at home. We're hopefully moving on September 3rd so it's a little over 2 weeks away... about time I started packing really! I've been meaning to get going with it for weeks now, but I'm very good at procrastinating. Not a great 'skill' to have, but hey! :-)

Being busy helped to keep my mind off TTC for a little while, but as soon as I was done with today's effort my mind went right back to it again! I packed up our winter clothes (won't be needing them any time soon!), bathroom stuff we don't need access to and all our photo frames, ornaments and candles. I also packed up my Wondfos, FRERs, the owl toy, the giraffe blanket and 2 new baby outfits I bought from Old Navy on Tuesday (they were on clearance and they were too cute to miss. Hubby obviously thinks I'm crazy!). One of the items is a brown one-piece which says "I love my dad" on it, and the other is a green and white onesie with pandas on it. They're both meant to be for boys I think but I reckon you could get away with putting them on a girl too, they're kind of unisex in my book anyway. :-)

My chart is still looking crazy, I know I need to stop focusing on it and just get on with other things (I'll ovulate when I'm meant to ovulate, right?!) but it's easier said than done. Here it is:


I have wondered if we should even be trying this month, what with us moving house and everything. Not that it wouldn't be a good thing if we conceived this month, it'd be awesome of course, but I just wonder if we'll be too stressed out for it to happen this time. Honestly I'm more stressed about TTC than moving house, at the moment anyway! (that will no doubt change when we get closer to our move date though, hehe).