Wonderful timing...

Just in time for the pug adoption event I'm running today:

My period hasn't started yet, but it's definitely coming. My temp always seems to go down to 97.3 the day it starts.

I just have to put on a big smile and forget about all of this until after the event. I can do that.

Wow, today is crappy.

Today is a crappy way in these ways:

1. My period arrived. I knew it was coming, but it always makes for a crappy day.
2. My dad sent me a BS email, pretty much cutting me off.
3. I called my Aunt and she told me one of my cousins and his wife are expecting again.

With regards to #3, I feel like a bad person for being upset over that. I am happy for them, but I'm also sad for myself. I'd never let on to them that I'm sad, when I speak to my cousin of course I'll be super nice and congratulatory, but I'm hurting inside. We've been trying for 10 months now with nothing to show for it, and it feels like everyone else is popping out babies left right and center. I know that's not necessarily true, but it's the way I feel. I think my hubby must think he married a crazy woman, I just keep crying. It's a culmination of all of the above points.

With regards to #2, that's just a load of craptastic BS. The general gist of it is that I didn't hear anything from my dad regarding Skype, so I didn't get on Skype yesterday. He apparently was expecting me to be on. He emailed me this yesterday:

Hi Emily

Tried to call at the usual time - maybe you've had to go out. Email and let me know when I can Skype.

Love

Dad

xxx

I replied (4 minutes after he sent his email) with this:

Hi Dad,

I hadn't heard from you so didn't think we were going to Skype. I'm free now if you want to chat?

Love,

Em  xxx

I got on Skype, and he didn't. He also didn't reply to my email. Whatever, right? Wrong!


This morning I checked my email and found this:

Hi Emily

I'll not Skype again. If you want to keep in touch let's just email. I hope you and (hubby) have a great life together. I'm going to get on with mine.

Lots of love

Dad

xxx

He's a narcissist. What he's trying to do with this gem of an email is get me to grovel and beg for forgiveness, for whatever I've done "wrong" to him. Which, by the way, is nothing. If he wanted to Skype, why didn't he email me beforehand rather than just assuming I'd be on there? I don't think my (very prompt) reply was rude or anything - I stated that after not hearing from him, I didn't think we were going to Skype. I added that I was free to talk if he wanted to, and I got on Skype.

He chose to ignore my email: not my problem. He chose to be a childish brat: also not my problem. His email is very passive aggressive - basically "have a great life", which is something people say when they can't stand someone. I'm not going to rise to it, I haven't replied and I won't. I'm not going to dignify that BS with a response. I know what his problem is: I've grown a spine and stopped putting up with his crap. He can't handle that, because he's a narcissist and he wants a relationship on his terms only - basically, where he can treat me like crap and I just put up with it. It's no fun for him anymore because I don't engage him, therefore he's bored. He's clearly harboring resentment for me moving over here, which he's never hidden very well. He's a narcissist, so everything is always about him. Everything is always someone else's fault and not his. If he does something wrong, he won't admit to it. If he hurts someone, he expects them to sweep it under the rug and forget all about it right away. Yet, if someone wrongs him even in a tiny way, he'll hold a grudge forever. 

I'm so fucking done with him.

CD2 / House stuff!

My BBT was down to 97.5ºF this morning, and my period is still horrible as always. I'm feeling OK now about not being pregnant yet, it would've been great if it happened so quickly but it's OK that it didn't. I'm trying to be positive about this cycle, maybe it'll be the one! Anyhow, since I'm probably going to have a long wait until I ovulate, I'll write about something not related to TTC!

Hubby and I have been looking to buy a house since the end of March, and we found one in April which we really liked. It was a short-sale, though, so it was almost 3 months before our offer was accepted. We were so excited about that house. That is, until we had the inspection done (on July 4th of all days!). It ended up having a lot of unexpected, big, problems which we couldn't really contend with. With much sadness, we decided the only thing we could do was back out.

We started looking again at the end of that same week - no point wasting any more time, right? We looked and looked, and saw some nice houses but nothing that really compared to the one we'd wanted to buy before. Anyway, on July 13th we saw a gorgeous house and the next morning we made an offer. Two other couples also offered on that house the same day, so we weren't too hopeful. However, we got lucky and our offer was accepted that evening (it's a traditional sale by the owner, so none of this 'waiting around to hear from a bank' rubbish!). The inspection was done July 15th, everything is good apart from some very minor issues which are to be expected at this point (the house was built in 2002). The seller agreed to our request that he fix the minor plumbing issues, so we were happy! Then came a stumbling block, the appraisal... The appraiser valued it way below asking price. I guess some people would've been happy about that, but we were filled with a sense of dread because we really didn't think the seller would sell it for the appraisal price. We were right, he wanted more. We really didn't want to lose this house, it's in great condition and it's almost 2200 square feet (the last one was almost 1700 square feet, so it's a big difference!) and the seller was even leaving the appliances (fridge, washer and dryer - the washer and dryer look pretty new, too). It's in an area we like, it's pretty close to the in-laws (maybe a little too close, it's literally 1.3 miles!) and we like the layout of the house too. So, we reached a compromise with the seller - we're paying him more than the appraisal came out at, but not as much as he would've liked. He accepted the revised offer within a few hours, so all is good! Now the mortgage is progressing nicely and we're all set. We should be getting the keys by the end of this month, and we'll probably move a week or so later. We haven't started packing yet but I'll get onto it next week, when my period is gone!

Hubby's parents are very kindly giving us their La-Z-Boy leather reclining couch and love-seat set, which we're thrilled about because despite being about 8 years old they look pretty much brand new, and they're super-comfortable of course! The new house has 2 living areas so we would've had to buy another couch set, so this is going to save us a lot of money. They're also buying us a really good Oreck vacuum cleaner as a house-warming gift! Yay! They wanted to buy us a fridge or something like that but because all of that comes with the house, they decided on the vacuum cleaner. That works really well for us (well, me in particular since I'll be the one using it!) because the one we have now isn't exactly very good and this new one is meant to be really good at getting pet hair out, which is something the old one doesn't do very well. Since we have 2 pugs, who shed a ton, that's gonna be awesome! There's more carpet in the house than we would've liked, but it all looks good and I want to keep it that way, so this will really help :-)

The new house has 4 good-sized bedrooms, and I'm not sure yet which one will be our future baby's room... Hubby works from home so one of them will be his office, the master bedroom will obviously be ours, and then there are 2 other rooms - 1 will be a guest bedroom and the other will be the baby's room. Maybe we should have the baby's room next to ours, I'm not sure. I definitely don't want the guest bedroom to be the biggest of the smaller bedrooms - not to sound awful or anything, but that room won't get that much use and when people are staying with us free of charge, they'll get what they're given! Also, while I'm sounding like a bitch, we won't be getting the most comfortable bed for that room either... For the sole reason that I just know people would outstay their welcome if we make it tempting enough! I want our guests to be comfortable in our house but we've had a couple of guests in our current house, which was a nightmare because it's too small (2 bedrooms, but the second bedroom is hubby's office, so it's definitely not ideal having people stay). One of our guests (my Dad, actually) really took the piss when he stayed, made such a mess everywhere and wouldn't lift a finger, he wouldn't even let our dog out when she needed to go potty and I was in the middle of cleaning the bathroom (he was maybe 10 feet away from the back door!). I like having guests but it's also a pain in the butt, honestly. I don't want my Dad turning up for 2 months, his 10 day visit was more than long enough and because he criticizes me all the time it got old very quickly, bending over backwards to please him and make sure he had a nice vacation etc... So yeah, the bed we buy for the guest room won't be like our lovely comfy king size bed, hehe. :-)

I'm thinking it'll go something like this: The far right bedroom (master) is ours of course, the next is the baby's. To the left of the baby's room is guest room and the one on the far left is hubby's office. That would make his office the second biggest bedroom, but at least he uses that room pretty much every single day so it's not going to waste. The guest room might get used once a year, if that, who knows? I might put some other stuff in there too, or use it for something else the rest of the time. Maybe instead of a proper bed we could get a sofa bed for that room, I don't know. It's something to consider, anyway.

So aside from TTC, the new house is also our project! Not that we really need to do anything to it, it doesn't need painting or anything, but we'll have to buy a few things for it and make it truly ours :-) It's really exciting! Our first home that's actually ours. Oh and we might even be moving in a year to the day since I arrived in the US! How crazy is that?! :-)

CD1 all over again!

This morning my temp was 97.9ºF, which is 0.2 higher than yesterday, but my period finally showed. I'm relieved, mostly, because I knew I wasn't pregnant and I wanted to just have it arrive and be done with. I hated all the waiting around, knowing it was going to come but not sure when. Anyway, that makes another 35 day cycle, and a 13 day LP. I'm not thrilled about the long cycle thing, but my LP length seems to be fine so I'm pleased about that. I just hope that gradually my cycles will shorten to a more reasonable length!

I'm starting the B-complex today, so we'll see what that does (if anything). I'm only taking 1 a day, it's 50 mg of B6 and a whole load of other B vitamins. Apparently you can safely take 200 mg of B6 daily so 50 mg is pretty low I guess. I don't want to start taking loads, so 1 a day will be a good start.

Ugh, I hate my periods!!! I mean, I'm glad it's here, but it's not pleasant. I hate all the cramping and stuff.

Confused...

OK, I really thought that my period started earlier, but it seems it might have just been more pink/red spotting. Since then, I've only had light brown/light pink spotting. I'd gone and updated my charts and started new cycles and then I had to delete them and continue with the last cycle, lol. I have no idea what's going on, but I'm still pretty sure I'm out.

In other news, I went to CVS and bought some vitamin B complex which has 50 mg of B6, 50 mg B1, 50 mg B2, 50 mcg B12 and a few other things. My prenatals only have a tiny amount of B vitamins so it should be fine to take these too. I've read that up to 200 mg of B6 a day is fine, so 50 mg daily is no problem. It might just help to lengthen my LP a little. Even if it makes it just 1 day longer, that's fine by me. Having said that, if my period doesn't start properly today then I might not actually need to lengthen my LP (it'll be 12 days if my period starts tomorrow, for example). Apparently B6 helps to minimize morning sickness as well so that's another good reason to take it! :-)

Luckily, the B-50 complex I wanted was buy one get one with a CVS card, which I didn't have, so I got one and then got 2 bottles (100 caplets in each) for about $9. I do love a bargain!

I'd love to be wrong but I'm 99% sure my period will come, it's just a question of when. I really thought it started this afternoon but the spotting continues now, so I must've been wrong. So so confusing!

Officially out, starting over today

I just got my period... I knew it was coming, but it still sucks anyway. So my LP was 11 days, which isn't horrendous but I'd rather it was 12+ because that's what people seem to think is best. Maybe it's partly due to recently coming off of the Pill, maybe it'll get longer. I hope so, anyway. This cycle was 33 days, my last one was 35, so maybe it's going to continue to get shorter until it gets to be a more acceptable length!

On a positive note, CD1 (today) is August 1st - so it'll be super easy for me to remember what cycle day I'm on... I'm trying to find a silver lining!

CD1

I just got my period...

I actually feel quite fine about it, I didn't cry or anything which even surprised me a little bit. To be honest, it's kind of a relief to know that my body is adjusting to being off the Pill. I would've loved to have gotten pregnant this month, but it was a long-shot having just come off birth control pills and it's not something that's likely to happen right away anyway. I definitely got too carried away with the idea that I could have been pregnant during the 2-week wait, and I need to try not to let that happen again from now on.

So today is cycle day 1 (CD1) and I actually started temping this morning. My BBT upon waking (at 6 a.m.) was 97.3ºF. I'll keep doing that daily and see if some kind of pattern emerges.

I've already concocted a plan for DTD this cycle - we'll DTD on CD8, CD10, CD12, CD13, CD14, CD15, CD16, CD17, CD18 and CD19 and then CD21, CD23, CD25 and CD27. That will cover us for the entire time that I could possibly ovulate! In fact, it's probably too much, but whatever! Some people say that it's better to DTD every other day because it gives more chance for sperm production, but the book I have says every day is fine and doesn't lessen your chances of conceiving. So we'll try to stick to my schedule! I'll also hopefully be able to tell from my BBT readings when ovulation actually happened, too, but after the fact unfortunately. I don't really wanna start using OPKs at this point but the temp thing isn't a big deal and it doesn't cost anything on a monthly basis, so I'm cool with that. So is my hubby so that's good! He hasn't heard of my DTD plan yet but I'm sure he won't have any objections, hehe :)