12 dpo and more tests!

This morning I tested again - not because I didn't believe the 3 tests I took yesterday, but because I wanted to see if the lines would get darker. I didn't know if they would or not, since it was a little under 24 hours since the first tests, but I figured I'd give it a shot as a little experiment! Well, today's Wondfo and FRER were definitely darker than yesterday's.

Then I got a crazy idea to use a digital test (I picked some up last night). I didn't really expect that one to come up positive because I've heard they're less sensitive than the line tests, so you can imagine my surprise when the word "Pregnant" popped up within about a minute! That made my day, really. I don't know why, but seeing the word seemed to make it feel more real somehow. I know that sounds nuts, and it probably is! :)

I'm looking forward to my first appointment on Monday. My OB is really nice, I like her. When we went to get the results from our infertility testing back in June, she said she wouldn't be surprised if I was pregnant by Christmas. I totally didn't believe her then, but she was right! If we're lucky and everything goes well, I'll be about 19 weeks at Christmas. We might know the gender by then!

This is all so surreal. Yesterday I felt like I was dreaming and would wake up to realize none of this happened. When I woke up this morning, it had sunk in a little more. It's hard to wrap my head around it after all this time of nothing happening, but I'm trying to enjoy every moment of this. I know it's very early days and lots of things can go wrong, but I'm not letting myself think about that too much! Positive thoughts only! :)

Changes for the better

Yesterday we went and joined the gym. We managed to fit in a 30 minute workout, which isn't as much as I'd have liked but by the time we'd been to the store (I needed some sneakers and we both needed shorts!), then signed up at the gym, it was close to 5 p.m. We're going again today when my hubby finishes work, and this time we'll probably be there for an hour or so. We both felt better after our short workout yesterday, so going regularly will definitely help.

I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.

As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.

 

This probably sounds terrible, but I'm glad that I haven't heard from my cousin and his wife since they announced their new pregnancy. I can really do without her going on about "how much worse everything is when you're pregnant" - said with a smug smile. Hmmm. They don't know anything about us TTC, but comments like that are a bit of a blow right now. Rationally I know that comment was nothing, but it irked me. Kind of like when people say stuff like "you wouldn't know since you don't have kids", etc. Like I need reminding of that!

Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?

Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.

Looks like we failed yet again

I'm 12 dpo today and while my chart still looks good, I started spotting this morning. Needless to say, I'm not very optimistic. I usually start spotting at 11-12 dpo, and my LP is 13 days. I guess I'll be getting my period on Tuesday, then.


The longer this journey goes on, the worse it gets. I started out being super optimistic, certain that we'd probably conceive within 6 months or so. That time has been and gone. I no longer get my hopes up very much, but when it becomes apparent that we haven't been successful it hurts more every time. My expectations are a lot lower than they used to be, but the pain is a lot worse. I used to be able to shrug it off fairly easily; after all, we hadn't been trying very long. I know that compared to some people, we still haven't been trying very long - I don't mean to be insensitive to anybody who might be struggling more than we are. It's coming up a year since we started trying, though, and we still have nothing to show for it. I just didn't think it was going to be this difficult.

I'm out, again.

AF hasn't arrived yet, but I can feel it coming. Spotting started the night of 10 dpo and today is 12 dpo; I'm cramping quite a lot as well. I tested the morning of 10 dpo and it was negative of course.

I feel like throwing myself a little pity party right now, if I'm honest. I didn't get my hopes up this time, but it turns out it doesn't hurt any less this way. I can't help but wonder if we're ever going to be parents. Maybe we should just stick to the pugs.

If there's any crazy formatting it's because I'm on my phone :)