Stupid chart!

It seems as though yesterday's temp spike was a fluke. I thought it was odd, and today's temp was down again so I'm pretty sure I should just discard yesterday's temp. I think I'll wait and see what happens in the next few days, but it certainly looks off to me! It's weird because I took my temp at the exact same time as usual, the A/C was set the same as usual, we had the same sheet on the bed, I wore the same nightshirt, I slept plenty before temping (and slept well), and I didn't have any alcohol. Oh well!

I'm not sure whether to take Mucinex this cycle or just skip it this time. I've been taking it every cycle since February, and while I'm sure it's not going to do any harm I am wondering if there's any real point in me taking it. I'm also wondering about whether to continue using Pre-Seed... Maybe we should just try "naturally" and see what happens.

My hubby will call the insurance company later today and hopefully resolve the issue of them denying my claims. Everything I've had done should be covered, so they're not getting out of paying!

We went to the gym yesterday, and Sunday too. We're getting back in the habit of going 3-4 times a week (we became slack after our vacation!). We'll go again tomorrow and then probably Saturday and possibly Sunday as well. I like going on the weekend, it's nice and quiet! I always feel better after working out, even if I really didn't want to go to the gym beforehand. Yesterday was one of those days when I didn't feel like going, but I'm so glad we did.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what treatments we might be willing to do if we're unable to conceive naturally. I've mentioned before that my gynecologist said she would prescribe 3 months of Clomid if I wanted her to, but I'm reluctant to take it at this point in time. I'm worried about it messing up my subsequent cycles, if it doesn't work. I'm also not sure if my gynecologist would monitor me on it, and I know it's probably safe but I'd rather be monitored if I was taking something like that. I read somewhere that you can only take Clomid 12 times in your life, so to do 3 cycles unmonitored seems unwise to me. That's just my opinion, though. It's just that, unmonitored, how do they know if you're responding to it, or if you need a higher (or lower) dose? I'm not saying I'd never take Clomid, I just don't think this is the right time to take it.

We really want a baby, but I can't see us ever doing IVF to have one. It's just so expensive and I don't think I could go through that when the outcome isn't even close to guaranteed. I know many couples will do anything and everything to have a baby, and I'm not knocking them at all, but I don't think we will do that. The more I think about it, the more I feel that we should just see what happens.

The trouble with unexplained infertility is that there are no answers. It's frustrating. We don't have a reason to stop TTC, because technically there's nothing wrong with us and we should be able to conceive. I don't know how long we should keep trying, because every cycle has the potential to be "the one". I don't think I can keep doing this forever, though. If another year passes and we still haven't conceived, then I don't know if I can keep going through this cycle of ups and downs. Right now I'm feeling kind of positive: this cycle is a fresh chance and I'm waiting to ovulate. If nothing happens this time there will be the heartache of another failed cycle, and then there will be a sense of renewed hope next cycle. It's never-ending.

I know I probably sound really depressed at the moment, but I'm actually not. I feel like I'm regaining control of my life, and facing up to the reality that maybe we won't have children. I'm not happy about that prospect, of course, but maybe this is what's meant to be, for some reason or another. Even as I write this, however, there's a little part of me that thinks this cycle could be it! I guess that I can tell myself it's OK all I want, but deep down I hope it doesn't have to be this way.

Trying to be positive again

Today is CD10 and my saliva microscope is still showing partial ferning. Since I've never ovulated before CD17 before, I don't really expect to ovulate for another week or so. However, other signs point to me being fertile at the moment. I guess we'll see! It would be great if it happened sooner rather than later, but as long as it does happen and we don't miss that window, it's fine.

Today's microscope photos:

Partial ferning, with the rest of the sample being 'blobs'

Partial ferning

I'm encouraged by some of the stories I've read about women conceiving soon after having the HSG. I know that it doesn't work for everyone, but it works for some. I know there's no blockage in my tubes, but I read a lot of reports of women who had no blockages getting pregnant very shortly after having a HSG. So I feel as though maybe I'll be one of the lucky ones. Of course I know that nothing is guaranteed, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much because it hurts so much to have them dashed, but I feel kind of optimistic for the first time in a while. I think the fact that our much-needed vacation is coming up is helping, too.

If there's anything amiss with my glucose test results, I should hear something today I think. I really hope those results are fine! I know that if they're not, there are medications I can take. I'd rather not have to, though. OK, so that was totally stating the obvious! Anyway, fingers crossed everything is good.

Today we're going to the gym after a couple of days off. We went Saturday and Sunday, and I tackled the evil elliptical trainer ;)  I might go on it again today. It's a good way to burn lots of calories, and also for me to push myself harder than I usually do. I was proud of myself for doing a whole hour on that thing on Sunday - I know it sounds pathetic, but it felt like an achievement! Since we started going to the gym (5/9) I've definitely improved my fitness level. It takes longer for my heart rate to increase and I have more endurance. I don't think I've really lost any weight (if I have it's not much) but I feel better. I also sleep better when we've been to the gym. Regardless of weight loss, it's definitely been a good lifestyle change! I wish we'd joined much sooner, but it is what it is. At least we're going now, anyway.

Cool pics!

This morning I thought it might be interesting to take some photos of my saliva microscope results. I know, I'm a complete nerd! Anyway, here they are. If you look very closely you can see some small areas of ferning (they're in the red ovals). I took the photos with my phone camera so the ferns are hard to see, and most of the sample has no ferning. I recorded it as partial ferning after consulting some websites. I'm only on CD7 so I won't be ovulating for quite some time yet, but I find the microscope interesting!

I should charge my camera and see if I can get better photos!

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I'm quite excited today, because it's been confirmed that I will be in charge of the new pug rescue event I wrote about yesterday! Yay! I called the store manager this morning to schedule the first three events. [This will sound so bizarre, but I really hate calling people I don't know! Since I moved here I've had this silly hang-up about using the phone, because of my accent and I guess I'm worried I won't be able to make myself understood! Anyway, the call went well - I really need to get over the whole phone thing, I never had a problem in England!] The first event will be 7/15. That will give me some time to gather up everything I'll need. I've been making lists of things I need to have, since I seem to love writing lists. I guess I really am a nerd! Anyway, it's an exciting opportunity for me to become more involved in the pug rescue organization. I'm sure it'll be quite a lot of work, but I'm really looking forward to it!  :)

In other news, I decided to ignore my SIL with the Facebook thing. I don't need any drama, and I can't see a way of responding without some kind of drama ensuing. If she wants to get in touch with my husband (her half-brother) then she can email or call him. I don't need to be her go-between!

We're going to the gym again today. We went yesterday and I pushed myself much harder than usual. For some reason I don't like the elliptical trainer (whenever I use it my legs end up being like jelly!). Since we started going to the gym, about 6 weeks ago, I've used it all of one time and that was for only 10 minutes! Well, yesterday I did 20 minutes on the treadmill (walking fast on an incline), then 45 minutes on the elliptical. Granted, I had it set on a relatively easy setting, but it was still an achievement for me! I burned 545 calories in total, so it was a pretty good workout. I wish I could run on the treadmill but I find it hard, and if I was going to run I'd definitely need a better sports bra...

9 dpo

I'm 9 dpo today and so far my chart looks pretty good. I'm not really expecting anything to happen, but it would be so awesome if I finally got pregnant!

In a few days it'll be exactly a year since we officially started trying for a baby. If I'm not pregnant this cycle, I'll be getting my HSG and glucose testing done early in my next cycle (I'm thinking probably CD8, which should be around 6/18). I could potentially schedule the testing for 6/15 but my periods are anything from 4 to 6 days long, and if CD1 is 6/11 that might be too soon. Then it's the weekend 6/16 and 6/17, so the gynecology office is closed. I guess 6/18 would be my best bet, unless of course my period comes early (which I really hope it doesn't, because I don't want to have a LP defect!).

We're still going to the gym regularly, but I think I've maybe pulled something in my right calf because my usual workout using the 'hill' setting on the treadmill has been causing me problems the last couple of times we've been. Normally I would do an hour on that setting and burn 500 calories, but Sunday I had to quit the treadmill after 25 minutes and switch to the bike, and yesterday I had to change the program to a less intense one. I stayed on the treadmill but only burned 380 calories. It's better than nothing but I found it kind of frustrating that I couldn't do the workout I wanted to do. Oh well!

Testing starts tomorrow, and other unrelated things!

I deleted my rant about my hubby's job: it looks as though we'll be able to make everything work tomorrow after all. The plan is that when I go to my gynecology appointment he'll get his blood work done, and then later we'll take his sample to the lab for analysis. Fingers crossed it'll work out, anyway!

We went to the gym today and yesterday and did an hour workout each time. We'll take tomorrow off and go again Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. We both feel a lot better now that we're going to the gym regularly.

I got some good news yesterday: my friend and her family are coming to visit next Easter! They'll be in our state for a little over 2 weeks, it'll be awesome! They wanted to come last year and this year but were unable to afford the trip, but now they've booked for next year so that's something great to look forward to. They'll be staying in a hotel, which is a good thing because honestly we'd struggle a bit with 4 house-guests for that length of time. We'd manage but it would be a shock to the system when it's normally just the 2 of us (plus the pugs!). The husband is allergic to dogs and one of the girls is developing allergies to animals too, so it's definitely in their best interests to stay elsewhere. Plus, they'll probably have a better vacation because they'll be able to do what they want when they want. There are 3 pools at their hotel, too - I'm sure they'll enjoy those!
So we have my mom and step-dad coming to visit (staying with us) from 2/22 through 3/8 next year, then my friends coming from 3/29 through 4/14. Exciting stuff! It's good to have things like that to look forward to.

I ordered some stuff from Amazon on Friday - one of those ovulation detector saliva microscopes, some more HPTs and a book. I was going to order regular OPKs but I figured I'd give the microscope a go, because it's something you can use repeatedly as many times as you want. It was about $28, which I thought was pretty good considering that I could spend $55 on OPKs monthly! This is a one-off purchase so it should be much better value for money. It'll be interesting to see how it is, anyway. It should be arriving around Tuesday, so hopefully it won't be delayed and I'll be able to use it for this cycle. Today is CD10 so I doubt I'm close to ovulating yet; it'll probably be another week at least.

Overall I feel a lot better now than I did last week. I don't know what changed, but I definitely feel more positive. I think it's partly due to the fact that we're being proactive, starting with testing etc. I don't feel worried about my hubby's SA results or his blood work results, because I'm almost certain everything's fine with him. Of course I could be wrong, and I think I'm as prepared as I can be that there could be a problem, but I'm not worrying about it yet. It'll likely be a week before we get his results, so maybe I'll feel apprehensive by that time!

I'm fairly calm about my gynecology appointment too. I'm trying to think positive thoughts - I really don't like doctor appointments but it's something I need to do. I tend to get really anxious when I have appointments (I have no idea why, maybe it's white coat syndrome!). I'm sure it'll be fine though. I hope I'll like the gynecologist and that I'll be able to ask her lots of questions and get good answers. That's all I really want - for her to listen to me and take my concerns seriously. Oh, and to be gentle! LOL.

Gym induction... demoralizing.

We had our gym induction yesterday. I wasn't exactly looking forward to it, but I wasn't expecting to be made to feel like a piece of crap either. Yes, I know I need to lose weight and get fit. I get that. That's why I'm eating healthier and going to the gym. Just because the last time I went to the gym I only went for like 3 months, doesn't mean I won't keep it up this time. FYI, the reason I stopped going last time was because I was in the process of getting my visa to move to the US, so I had a lot of other stuff going on.

The guy wasn't 100% awful or anything, but he said a few things that really irked me. He asked how many meals we eat every day and I said 2-3, because sometimes I don't have a "proper" breakfast or lunch. He made some comment about "well I don't know what you're eating" in a kind of condescending tone - he may as well have just said "well obviously all you do is eat junk food 24/7". I'm really trying to eat healthier, and I've been doing well. I don't need that kind of attitude. At least I'm actually trying to be fitter. He also said that I need a personal trainer because with my track record I won't manage on my own. This was after I said I don't want a personal trainer, I want to do my own thing. I really don't want a personal trainer, but even if I did I don't know if I could afford it. Honestly, I like going to the gym and working out the way I want to. OK so it might not be the absolute most effective way, but I'm not a pro-athlete! If I want to go on the treadmill walking at a fast pace on an incline for an hour, then so be it. Isn't that a whole lot better than sitting at home doing nothing? I burned 715 calories doing that on Sunday: that can't be a bad thing!

I felt a lot better about myself before the damn induction, anyway. I wish I'd just skipped it and done a workout instead of sitting there for an hour feeling worse and worse.

I know that for a stranger's words to have such an impact on me, it probably means I have self-esteem issues. As far as my weight goes, I am very self-conscious about it. I just don't see how making someone feel like shit is the way to go. I mean, I felt more motivated before the induction than I do now. I'm not letting that one guy put me off - I need to go to the gym and make these changes, so I will. It's just quite demoralizing when someone basically has no faith whatsoever in you and tells you you're not going to achieve your goals without help from someone else. I will, thank you very much. How about actually trying to encourage people, rather than put them down?

I'm not morbidly obese, by the way. My BMI is a lot higher than I'd like it to be (about 32). I weighed in at 212 on Saturday, but I was on my period and likely had some water retention going on. I'm usually about 209, which isn't great but I'm 5 ft 8" so I'm not absolutely huge. Anyway, that's why I'm making these lifestyle changes - I want to get fit again. I'd like to lose about 50 pounds, if I can.

After yesterday, I kind of wish my hubby didn't want me to go to his appointment with him. I've never met this doctor and I feel as though he's going to take one look at me and blame all our fertility issues on me. I hate going to the doctor in the first place, so the last thing I need is for them to fob us off today. I printed all my charts and made some lists of things we've tried and when, and cycle lists (dates, O day, LP, duration). I don't know if the doctor will look at them or not, but I'll have them just in case. We'll see, anyway.

The thought crossed my mind last night that maybe we should forget TTC until I've lost as much weight as I can. That would be for at least 6 months, maybe longer. I'd only be 29 then, but I still want to have a baby as soon as possible. We've been trying for virtually a year now, I don't know if I can just quit like that. I do wonder if it would be a good idea, though. Maybe we should take some kind of break because it's starting to drive me crazy. I hate being in this funk, I think about it way too much and it gets me down all the time. I really don't know what to do for the best.

CD4, Cycle #11 (10 charting)

We're loving going to the gym! We went Wednesday (30 mins), Thursday (1 hour), Saturday night (30 mins) and yesterday (1 hour). We have our official gym induction tomorrow so we'll be there again.

While we were at the gym on Thursday, someone (or some people) tried to break into our next-door neighbor's house. They pried a couple of the window screens off to try and open the windows; they tried to get in the back doors using a crowbar; they messed with the electricity box (pulled out one of the wires) and they stole the circuit breaker (or something like that) from the A/C box. He didn't realize anything was amiss until the A/C wasn't working properly - when he went to investigate, he found the bent window screens on the ground and everything else. He's a single dad of a 9 year old son, and the kid is understandably freaked out by all of this. Hell, I'm freaked out and it wasn't our house they tried to get into.

We'd been talking about getting a security door for a while, and Thursday's events prompted us to get the ball rolling. We ordered it Friday, and it's supposed to take about a month to be built and installed. I hope it'll be ready sooner than that, though. I know the chances are nobody is going to try to get in the front door, but it'll make everything much easier generally - we'll be able to answer the door without first having to round up the dogs, for one. Also, we'll be able to air the house out without the dogs getting loose.

We also started using our house alarm. We'd never used it before, but it makes sense to since it's here! I know nothing will stop someone who's really determined to get in, but it might just deter someone. It's LOUD!

Yesterday was Mother's Day, of course. It was kind of a sad day for me, but I hope that next year it'll be better. My hubby has his doctor appointment on Wednesday, so hopefully he'll get a referral for a SA. My period came on Friday so that cycle ended up being 29 days - the shortest since we started TTC. My LP was 12 days, which I'm not too worried about but last time it was 15 and it's usually 13, so I don't know what's going on really. I sometimes wonder if it's a problem that I start spotting a few days before my period starts, but I guess I'll find out when I get tested (probably in 2-3 months time if I'm still not pregnant by then). Today is CD4 so hopefully I'll ovulate in around 2 weeks time. I know that when my hubby gets his SA done he'll need to abstain for 2-3 days beforehand, so depending on appointment availability he may need to wait until after I ovulate to get the test done. If he can get it done by CD14, great. If not, then it'll have to be after O.

Part of me thinks we should just not try this month. Partly because maybe we could use a break, but also because my mom and step-dad are coming to visit in February. They're arriving 2/22 and leaving 3/8. If I were to get pregnant this cycle, my EDD would be around the middle of February. Some people would think "great timing, how wonderful!" but I don't! We've already talked about it (months ago) and decided that when we eventually have a baby, we don't want any house-guests around. My mom and step-dad are staying with us, and that would drive me crazy if I was about to give birth or had just given birth. I don't mind having guests at a 'normal' time, but I can only imagine how stressful it would be trying to 'entertain' guests while sleep-deprived and in pain, trying to establish a routine with the baby, learning to breastfeed, etc. It would be a very bad thing having guests at that time.

The part of me that thinks we should maybe take a break from trying is smaller than the part of me that thinks "chances are it won't happen anyway, so we may as well try. Plus, what if this is our month?" Hmmm. I don't know what to do really. I guess if I do get pregnant this cycle, we can tell my mom they'll have to stay in a hotel. I guess that would probably be rude, but surely they'd understand? There's plenty of time between now and then for them to organize a hotel, it's not like it's next week or anything. Why am I even thinking about this, anyway? More likely than not, we won't have anything to work out because the chances of me getting pregnant this month are probably as good as they have been for the past year - nothing's happened yet, so why would it all of a sudden happen now? Pessimistic I know, but when I get my hopes up it hurts more when I don't get pregnant.

Changes for the better

Yesterday we went and joined the gym. We managed to fit in a 30 minute workout, which isn't as much as I'd have liked but by the time we'd been to the store (I needed some sneakers and we both needed shorts!), then signed up at the gym, it was close to 5 p.m. We're going again today when my hubby finishes work, and this time we'll probably be there for an hour or so. We both felt better after our short workout yesterday, so going regularly will definitely help.

I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.

As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.

 

This probably sounds terrible, but I'm glad that I haven't heard from my cousin and his wife since they announced their new pregnancy. I can really do without her going on about "how much worse everything is when you're pregnant" - said with a smug smile. Hmmm. They don't know anything about us TTC, but comments like that are a bit of a blow right now. Rationally I know that comment was nothing, but it irked me. Kind of like when people say stuff like "you wouldn't know since you don't have kids", etc. Like I need reminding of that!

Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?

Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.

Exactly 11 months of TTC: thinking about possible options.

I hate to sound pessimistic, but I'm pretty convinced that this cycle is a bust like all the rest. Today is 11 dpo and I started spotting yesterday. I got a BFN when I tested yesterday. I didn't test today as the spotting is still there and it seemed like a waste of a test. My period is due Saturday (5/12) if my LP is its usual 13 days, so it won't be long now. I have a feeling my LP might end up being shorter this time because the spotting started earlier than usual. Normally it starts at 11 or 12 dpo, but it started at 10 dpo this time. My chart still looks OK, I guess, but the spotting is a pretty good indicator that we haven't been successful.

I'm going to be honest and say that yesterday was a terrible day for me. I just felt so low about the whole thing. I snapped at my hubby and then cried my eyes out. I really don't like what this process is doing to me, sometimes I can be such a bitch. I just feel like a total failure and this whole thing just hurts so much. For as long as I can remember I've wanted so much to be a mommy, and when we started our TTC journey I never imagined that at this point I wouldn't be pregnant. We know when I ovulate and we time things well every single cycle. I can't help but think there's something wrong, you know? I'm 28 and my hubby is 30. We don't have any medical issues as far as we know. We don't smoke, we hardly ever drink (we might have a couple of glasses of wine right at the beginning of my cycle when I don't temp, but that's it). I've been taking Mucinex for a few months around my fertile time to improve my cervical mucus and we started using Pre-Seed this cycle. We're going to join a gym today and we'll aim to go 3 times a week. Other than that I don't know what else we can really do to improve our chances.

Anyway, my hubby has made an appointment with his doctor for next week to get a referral for a semen analysis. It seems like the obvious thing to do, since it's non-invasive. I'll obviously need to get tested too, but at least if we know there are no sperm issues that's a start. Of course the SA could come back with bad results, but if that's the case we'd be better off knowing. If he's sterile (which I doubt, but who knows right?) then I can stop this crazy cycle of ups and downs. I'd be able to stop charting and all of that, because really what would be the point in that case? I honestly believe if either of us has a fertility issue it will be something wrong with me rather than him, but at least the SA will shed some light on things. There's every chance it'll come back great, and I really hope it does. We're both as prepared as we can be that it might not, though.

We've already discussed what our options might be if his SA is awful, and decided that we probably wouldn't want to use donor sperm if it came down to that. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I think I'm mostly worried that my hubby wouldn't be able to handle it if I was pregnant and it technically wasn't his baby. Plus, I really want for us to have a baby that's part of us both.

If it transpires that IVF is our only option, I don't know what we'll do. We can't afford it (it costs approx. $16,000 per cycle, maybe even more). My issue with IVF is this: when do you stop? Wouldn't you just feel like "maybe the next cycle will work"? You'd have invested so much emotionally and financially, that you might not want to stop until you ended up with a baby. That could end up costing more than our house! Like I said, we couldn't really afford it anyway. If it was 100% guaranteed, then we'd probably make it work. Sadly, the odds are generally much lower than that.

We've talked about adoption and I did a little bit of research yesterday, but it sounds quite daunting. Apparently for every healthy baby up for adoption in the US, there are 40 couples waiting to adopt. Yikes. It can also cost up to $40,000, which is beyond our reach. The website I looked at tried to make the cost seem better by saying something along the lines of "any method of having a baby costs money - hospital bills etc." While this is true, there's this thing called insurance and ours covers virtually everything pregnancy and delivery related. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't cover anything to do with adoption! Plus, adoption opens a whole other can of worms. Some people who were adopted don't have a problem with it, while others have a whole host of issues because of it.

I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here: as far as we know, neither of us have any fertility problems. If one (or both) of us are found to have issues, they might be easily treated. There's a good chance we'll never need to consider IVF or adoption. I guess I just need to get my thoughts out at the moment!

I think joining the gym will do us both good, it'll be a great outlet for our frustrations. Back in the UK I loved going to the gym: I'd go 4 or 5 times a week. It helped - at that time, hubby (then fiancé) and I were more than 5,000 miles apart and it kept me busy.

I sometimes feel as though my hubby doesn't feel the way I do about our lack of pregnancy, but after talking to him last night I think it's just that he's better at hiding his feelings than I am. He's probably almost as disappointed as I am about the whole thing, but he doesn't get emotional like I do. I get it, in some ways it's not so real for men as it is for women. He's not the one having awful periods, feeling like everyone else is pregnant, charting, taking 2 different vitamins every day, taking Mucinex, using Pre-Seed, monitoring potential symptoms, taking pregnancy tests, etc. There's a quote out there that says something like this: a woman becomes a mother as soon as she finds out she's pregnant; men become fathers when the baby is born. There may be some truth to that, because it's not the guy who experiences pregnancy first-hand.

I really want the whole package - I want to be pregnant and experience the whole thing. I know it's not glamorous, and sometimes pregnancy is downright uncomfortable and annoying. I want to have that, though: to know our baby is growing in my tummy, to go to scans and see the baby on the screen, to give birth... all of it. I really hope it'll happen for us soon.