Friday, December 30, 2011

Guess I was wrong

Damn... I really thought we'd done it this time, but my temp dropped to 97.3 this morning (a drop of 0.7 from yesterday's temp). I expect I'll start spotting today and then my period will follow on Sunday. A new cycle for the new year, wonderful...

I feel like such an idiot for actually thinking I was pregnant. I really thought I was, and that I'd get my BFP sometime within the next few days. The signs were good - possible implantation bleeding at 8dpo, a triphasic chart, no spotting at 11dpo which I usually have... I had a few reasons to think it could finally be happening, it wasn't just me being hopeful.

When we started TTC in June, I thought I'd probably be pregnant before the end of the year. Well, I didn't count on my cycles being long due to late ovulation. Out of the 5 cycles I've charted, I've ovulated 4 times. Of those 4 times, 1 time would've been impossible to get pregnant because my LP went to 8 days. So I suppose really we've only had 3 definite chances to get pregnant so far. When you look at it that way, I suppose not being pregnant yet is no big surprise. It just really sucks that all this time of TTC has resulted in nothing but frustration. I know lots of people struggle for years, so I don't want to be insensitive to them. Seven months is nothing when compared to that, I know.

The only thing I'm happy about is that my LP seems to have gone back to normal. Or at least a lot better than it was last month. If my LP is 13 days as it has been every cycle except for the last one, my period will arrive on 1/1/12. Even if it comes tomorrow, my LP will have been 12 days which is fine. So there's the silver lining of this huge black cloud, I guess.

My dad's here until 1/3, and things have been OK for the most part save for a huge argument on Wednesday (12/28). I'll write about that another time, though. I just wish we didn't have any house guests at all because I really am in no mood for entertaining right now. I just want to curl up in bed and throw myself a pity party.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Feeling optimistic!

It's still early days, but I have a good feeling about this cycle. I'm 11dpo and my chart looks pretty awesome so far. It appears to be triphasic which is a good sign - it's not definitive of course. I had a few hours of spotting at 8dpo, but that's it. I've felt kind of queasy all day, I have a weird taste in my mouth (kind of a metallic taste) and I just noticed that my skin looks a lot better than it usually does (no break-outs at all). I haven't gotten my BFP yet but I'm hoping I will soon! :-)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Chart changed today

If my chart is to be trusted, I'm just now 3dpo - it changed my O day this morning when I recorded today's temp. I still feel as though I ovulated on CD21, not CD23, but whatever! If it was on CD23, we probably have a better chance of catching the egg - we DTD on CD22 and CD23. I'm not convinced that my chart will stay like this, because it can change its interpretation at any time and I really don't want to get my heart set on anything. However, as long as I did ovulate and we're in with a decent chance, I'm fine with it. I definitely feel like I always do after ovulation, so I'm sure I have ovulated.

Hopefully my LP will be long enough this time, I'm a little worried because last time it was only 8 days and I was devastated. It's always been 13 days before so I have no idea what happened last time, unless my temps were off somehow and I ovulated much earlier than it says I did. I just hope that I won't have a drastically short LP again. I can deal with not catching the egg, but when that happened last month I was so upset. It made me feel like a complete failure, because it wasn't normal and an 8 day LP is not conducive to pregnancy! So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hey, if I did O on CD23, guess what day my period will be due (assuming my normal 13 day LP)? January 1st. Yikes, what a crappy way to start the new year if I get my period then! Conversely, if I get my BFP, that'd be a wonderful start to 2012!

In other news... My dad is arriving on Friday (12/23) and staying for 11 days. I'm trying to look forward to it, but finding it very hard right now, because he's been such a pain in the ass since he booked his trip. It seems as though he purposely goes out of his way to piss me off, which just isn't cool. First, it was demanding that I drive him everywhere while he's here (I don't yet have my license - lame, I know, but we've had a lot of other stuff going on and I hate driving stick-shift, which is the only car we have!!) which I shot down immediately, and again every single time he (repeatedly) brought it up. I point blank told him that even if I did have my license, he's so critical of me and stresses me out so much that I wouldn't want to drive him anywhere anyway! It didn't make any difference. I told him to hire a car (he's staying with us for free, no hotel, so it's a pretty cheap vacation) - he won't do that because he says he has no money (never mind the fact that he spent somewhere in the region of $500 extra on travel than he needed to - to travel 1st class on the train to the airport, and upgrade on the flight).

Then came the saga that is him only bringing carry-on, for his 11 day vacation. When I objected because he clearly won't be able to bring anywhere near enough clothes for his trip, he made me out to be a complete bitch. I'm not opposed to doing laundry - I'm a homemaker, for goodness' sake - but I do object to having to wash someone's clothes every damn day because they didn't bring enough stuff. He knows how long his trip is, so there's no excuse. The airline he's flying with even allow 2 checked bags for free! But no, he's just bringing carry-on. Last time he visited, he brought a big suitcase and 3 sets of clothes, if that. I didn't understand that - how ridiculous?! He's in his 50s and he clearly cannot pack a suitcase, which is frankly unbelievable. It's not like he'd ever do his own laundry, either. Virtually every day he was here last time, he was asking me to wash his clothes. I should mention that we live in the desert, so it's not that I'm lazy or that we're too tight with money to use the washer, but water is something you shouldn't be wasting here!

The additional pain is that he "can't" bring toiletries with him because of the liquid restrictions for carry-on. I say "can't" because actually he could, if he bought them in one of the many airport stores after he's gone through security. Yeah, he couldn't bring razors, but everything else (shaving gel, other liquid things) would be OK. But wait - no, he's not going to do that. No no, he's expecting me to buy this stuff for him! When I told him that my hubby has extra shaving gel he can use, he turned his nose up at it and said "I don't want to use his" (Why? It's not like borrowing someone's toothbrush!). Well, if I did buy this stuff for him you can bet that he wouldn't be happy with what I bought - I'd have gone to Target and bought their own brand stuff, because I don't have an income and I don't wish to spend what little money I do have on buying him stuff he's more than capable of buying himself (or bringing himself, if he would just buy it in the airport or bring a freaking suitcase!). So, after we pick him up from the airport we're going to stop by CVS or Walgreens on the way home and he can buy his own damn toiletries. He's going to be pissed, I'm sure, but it's not my problem that he's incapable of being an adult and adequately planning for his trip, is it?

He won't like his Christmas present, either - it's a donation to the pug rescue we volunteer with. He's the most difficult person to buy for, and never appreciates anything. I've bought him expensive stuff in the past, that he said he wanted (a digital camera, for example, way back when I was still a friggin' student!!) and he never appreciated any of it. That camera was never used, or maybe used all of one time. I can't tell you the amount of time, effort and money I've spent trying to find him the "perfect" gift, only to have it go completely unappreciated. So, I decided no more. It's just not happening. Besides, how would he be able to take anything home with him, when he'll only have carry-on?! He did say himself a little while ago that pug rescue can use all the help they can get, so there you go, you helped. LMAO! I can't wait to see his face - he'll be like a pouty kid. Not my problem. Maybe if he appreciated things and didn't turn his nose up at everything, I'd be more inclined to go shopping for him.

So, needless to say, I'm not exactly excited about his arrival. He's going to be a total pain in the butt, as always. I'm sure I'll be blogging about it to get it out of my system, so there will be updates!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pretty sure I ovulated :)

We've had a lot going on lately, with pug fostering and other stuff. My temps have been kinda screwy for most of this cycle (probably partly due to having our latest foster pug sleeping on our bed - he won't settle anywhere else!!), but today my chart decided that I ovulated on Friday (CD21). I thought I had, because I had all the symptoms and I'm usually right when I feel like I'm ovulating, but my temps afterward were a little weird. Anyway, unless my chart changes I'm now 4dpo. I really hope I did ovulate and that my LP will be normal this time. Of course, what I really hope is that we caught the egg and I'll get my BFP, but failing that, if my LP is normal at least that'll be a weight off my mind!

I definitely feel as though I ovulated - I'm really bloated, gassy and quite crampy as I always am post-ovulation. I'm happy with ovulating on CD21, because that's the earliest I've confirmed ovulation. Previously it's been 22 days, 24 days and 28 days - I didn't like the way that was going! CD21 is still quite late and most women would be pissed with that, but I'm glad it's earlier than usual. I really hope that as time goes on my cycles will regulate more, maybe eventually I'll get to the point where I'm ovulating by around CD14. If not, oh well. The earlier the better, though - I definitely feel as though our chances of conceiving are higher if I ovulate earlier, whether that's true or not I don't know! I do know though that having shorter cycles will be a good thing - if they could be 30 days that'd be awesome, rather than the 35+ day cycles I've been having!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Some good news!

Nothing related to TTC, but our foster pug was adopted today! We took him to a huge adoption event that pug rescue were at, and within an hour of the event starting he'd been adopted. The lady who adopted him had come to see him specifically; she'd seen his photo and information on the pug rescue website, and fallen in love with him. She just loves him to pieces, I'm satisfied that he's found a wonderful home! It was kind of hard to leave him with her though, because he was trying to come with us and it kinda broke my heart a little. I know he was confused and probably felt as though we were abandoning him, that's what hurt me the most. That, and the fact that he's such a sweet boy and I'll miss him. We had him for exactly a month - 11/3 through 12/3. I know that's not all that long in the grand scheme of things, but we took really good care of him and treated him as though he was our own dog (of course - I couldn't imagine doing it any other way!). I tried not to get too attached, but it's kind of inevitable that you do get somewhat attached. I know his new mom will take great care of him, but at the same time it does hurt. I know he'll be OK but I just wish he could know 3 things: that we love him, we weren't abandoning him and he didn't do anything wrong, you know? I know it's really confusing for him. I'm happy that he's been adopted though, I'm over the moon for him. He'll be OK I'm sure.

Of course, when he got adopted, there was already another one waiting for a foster home. Scratch that, there are at least 4 or 5 waiting for foster homes! Yikes. So we have another foster boy now, his name is Max and he's 2 years old. He weighs a whopping 35/36 pounds, though, so we need to help him lose weight. His previous owner was free-feeding him, which isn't a good idea with a pug (or most dogs, really). He really needs to lose at least 6 pounds, probably more like 8-10 pounds. It'll be a long process (probably way longer than we'll have him for) but he'll feel so much better when he loses the weight. He's such a cutie, I can't get over how funny his expressions are! His tongue is too long for his head so it hangs out most of the time, and he just looks really funny - it's too cute! Here he is:

I think he'll get adopted really quickly - he's such a sweet, cute boy and aside from his weight, he has no issues. He's a great boy all round. I actually kind of want to adopt him myself! I know we can't, but I totally would if we could. Of course that would mean no more fostering, so it's not the best option. Pug rescue need as many foster families as possible, they're constantly inundated with pugs! This week alone I think there have been 4 or 5 come in, it's crazy. At the event today one other pug (a beautiful, sweet, one-eyed girl) was adopted and there are a couple of pending adoptions as well. It's so rewarding to foster, even more rewarding than I'd imagined. To know you played a part in helping a dog is priceless, even if it does hurt when they leave again.