Friday, December 30, 2011

Guess I was wrong

Damn... I really thought we'd done it this time, but my temp dropped to 97.3 this morning (a drop of 0.7 from yesterday's temp). I expect I'll start spotting today and then my period will follow on Sunday. A new cycle for the new year, wonderful...

I feel like such an idiot for actually thinking I was pregnant. I really thought I was, and that I'd get my BFP sometime within the next few days. The signs were good - possible implantation bleeding at 8dpo, a triphasic chart, no spotting at 11dpo which I usually have... I had a few reasons to think it could finally be happening, it wasn't just me being hopeful.

When we started TTC in June, I thought I'd probably be pregnant before the end of the year. Well, I didn't count on my cycles being long due to late ovulation. Out of the 5 cycles I've charted, I've ovulated 4 times. Of those 4 times, 1 time would've been impossible to get pregnant because my LP went to 8 days. So I suppose really we've only had 3 definite chances to get pregnant so far. When you look at it that way, I suppose not being pregnant yet is no big surprise. It just really sucks that all this time of TTC has resulted in nothing but frustration. I know lots of people struggle for years, so I don't want to be insensitive to them. Seven months is nothing when compared to that, I know.

The only thing I'm happy about is that my LP seems to have gone back to normal. Or at least a lot better than it was last month. If my LP is 13 days as it has been every cycle except for the last one, my period will arrive on 1/1/12. Even if it comes tomorrow, my LP will have been 12 days which is fine. So there's the silver lining of this huge black cloud, I guess.

My dad's here until 1/3, and things have been OK for the most part save for a huge argument on Wednesday (12/28). I'll write about that another time, though. I just wish we didn't have any house guests at all because I really am in no mood for entertaining right now. I just want to curl up in bed and throw myself a pity party.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Feeling optimistic!

It's still early days, but I have a good feeling about this cycle. I'm 11dpo and my chart looks pretty awesome so far. It appears to be triphasic which is a good sign - it's not definitive of course. I had a few hours of spotting at 8dpo, but that's it. I've felt kind of queasy all day, I have a weird taste in my mouth (kind of a metallic taste) and I just noticed that my skin looks a lot better than it usually does (no break-outs at all). I haven't gotten my BFP yet but I'm hoping I will soon! :-)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Chart changed today

If my chart is to be trusted, I'm just now 3dpo - it changed my O day this morning when I recorded today's temp. I still feel as though I ovulated on CD21, not CD23, but whatever! If it was on CD23, we probably have a better chance of catching the egg - we DTD on CD22 and CD23. I'm not convinced that my chart will stay like this, because it can change its interpretation at any time and I really don't want to get my heart set on anything. However, as long as I did ovulate and we're in with a decent chance, I'm fine with it. I definitely feel like I always do after ovulation, so I'm sure I have ovulated.


Hopefully my LP will be long enough this time, I'm a little worried because last time it was only 8 days and I was devastated. It's always been 13 days before so I have no idea what happened last time, unless my temps were off somehow and I ovulated much earlier than it says I did. I just hope that I won't have a drastically short LP again. I can deal with not catching the egg, but when that happened last month I was so upset. It made me feel like a complete failure, because it wasn't normal and an 8 day LP is not conducive to pregnancy! So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hey, if I did O on CD23, guess what day my period will be due (assuming my normal 13 day LP)? January 1st. Yikes, what a crappy way to start the new year if I get my period then! Conversely, if I get my BFP, that'd be a wonderful start to 2012!

In other news... My dad is arriving on Friday (12/23) and staying for 11 days. I'm trying to look forward to it, but finding it very hard right now, because he's been such a pain in the ass since he booked his trip. It seems as though he purposely goes out of his way to piss me off, which just isn't cool. First, it was demanding that I drive him everywhere while he's here (I don't yet have my license - lame, I know, but we've had a lot of other stuff going on and I hate driving stick-shift, which is the only car we have!!) which I shot down immediately, and again every single time he (repeatedly) brought it up. I point blank told him that even if I did have my license, he's so critical of me and stresses me out so much that I wouldn't want to drive him anywhere anyway! It didn't make any difference. I told him to hire a car (he's staying with us for free, no hotel, so it's a pretty cheap vacation) - he won't do that because he says he has no money (never mind the fact that he spent somewhere in the region of $500 extra on travel than he needed to - to travel 1st class on the train to the airport, and upgrade on the flight).

Then came the saga that is him only bringing carry-on, for his 11 day vacation. When I objected because he clearly won't be able to bring anywhere near enough clothes for his trip, he made me out to be a complete bitch. I'm not opposed to doing laundry - I'm a homemaker, for goodness' sake - but I do object to having to wash someone's clothes every damn day because they didn't bring enough stuff. He knows how long his trip is, so there's no excuse. The airline he's flying with even allow 2 checked bags for free! But no, he's just bringing carry-on. Last time he visited, he brought a big suitcase and 3 sets of clothes, if that. I didn't understand that - how ridiculous?! He's in his 50s and he clearly cannot pack a suitcase, which is frankly unbelievable. It's not like he'd ever do his own laundry, either. Virtually every day he was here last time, he was asking me to wash his clothes. I should mention that we live in the desert, so it's not that I'm lazy or that we're too tight with money to use the washer, but water is something you shouldn't be wasting here!

The additional pain is that he "can't" bring toiletries with him because of the liquid restrictions for carry-on. I say "can't" because actually he could, if he bought them in one of the many airport stores after he's gone through security. Yeah, he couldn't bring razors, but everything else (shaving gel, other liquid things) would be OK. But wait - no, he's not going to do that. No no, he's expecting me to buy this stuff for him! When I told him that my hubby has extra shaving gel he can use, he turned his nose up at it and said "I don't want to use his" (Why? It's not like borrowing someone's toothbrush!). Well, if I did buy this stuff for him you can bet that he wouldn't be happy with what I bought - I'd have gone to Target and bought their own brand stuff, because I don't have an income and I don't wish to spend what little money I do have on buying him stuff he's more than capable of buying himself (or bringing himself, if he would just buy it in the airport or bring a freaking suitcase!). So, after we pick him up from the airport we're going to stop by CVS or Walgreens on the way home and he can buy his own damn toiletries. He's going to be pissed, I'm sure, but it's not my problem that he's incapable of being an adult and adequately planning for his trip, is it?

He won't like his Christmas present, either - it's a donation to the pug rescue we volunteer with. He's the most difficult person to buy for, and never appreciates anything. I've bought him expensive stuff in the past, that he said he wanted (a digital camera, for example, way back when I was still a friggin' student!!) and he never appreciated any of it. That camera was never used, or maybe used all of one time. I can't tell you the amount of time, effort and money I've spent trying to find him the "perfect" gift, only to have it go completely unappreciated. So, I decided no more. It's just not happening. Besides, how would he be able to take anything home with him, when he'll only have carry-on?! He did say himself a little while ago that pug rescue can use all the help they can get, so there you go, you helped. LMAO! I can't wait to see his face - he'll be like a pouty kid. Not my problem. Maybe if he appreciated things and didn't turn his nose up at everything, I'd be more inclined to go shopping for him.

So, needless to say, I'm not exactly excited about his arrival. He's going to be a total pain in the butt, as always. I'm sure I'll be blogging about it to get it out of my system, so there will be updates!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Pretty sure I ovulated :)

We've had a lot going on lately, with pug fostering and other stuff. My temps have been kinda screwy for most of this cycle (probably partly due to having our latest foster pug sleeping on our bed - he won't settle anywhere else!!), but today my chart decided that I ovulated on Friday (CD21). I thought I had, because I had all the symptoms and I'm usually right when I feel like I'm ovulating, but my temps afterward were a little weird. Anyway, unless my chart changes I'm now 4dpo. I really hope I did ovulate and that my LP will be normal this time. Of course, what I really hope is that we caught the egg and I'll get my BFP, but failing that, if my LP is normal at least that'll be a weight off my mind!

I definitely feel as though I ovulated - I'm really bloated, gassy and quite crampy as I always am post-ovulation. I'm happy with ovulating on CD21, because that's the earliest I've confirmed ovulation. Previously it's been 22 days, 24 days and 28 days - I didn't like the way that was going! CD21 is still quite late and most women would be pissed with that, but I'm glad it's earlier than usual. I really hope that as time goes on my cycles will regulate more, maybe eventually I'll get to the point where I'm ovulating by around CD14. If not, oh well. The earlier the better, though - I definitely feel as though our chances of conceiving are higher if I ovulate earlier, whether that's true or not I don't know! I do know though that having shorter cycles will be a good thing - if they could be 30 days that'd be awesome, rather than the 35+ day cycles I've been having!

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Some good news!

Nothing related to TTC, but our foster pug was adopted today! We took him to a huge adoption event that pug rescue were at, and within an hour of the event starting he'd been adopted. The lady who adopted him had come to see him specifically; she'd seen his photo and information on the pug rescue website, and fallen in love with him. She just loves him to pieces, I'm satisfied that he's found a wonderful home! It was kind of hard to leave him with her though, because he was trying to come with us and it kinda broke my heart a little. I know he was confused and probably felt as though we were abandoning him, that's what hurt me the most. That, and the fact that he's such a sweet boy and I'll miss him. We had him for exactly a month - 11/3 through 12/3. I know that's not all that long in the grand scheme of things, but we took really good care of him and treated him as though he was our own dog (of course - I couldn't imagine doing it any other way!). I tried not to get too attached, but it's kind of inevitable that you do get somewhat attached. I know his new mom will take great care of him, but at the same time it does hurt. I know he'll be OK but I just wish he could know 3 things: that we love him, we weren't abandoning him and he didn't do anything wrong, you know? I know it's really confusing for him. I'm happy that he's been adopted though, I'm over the moon for him. He'll be OK I'm sure.

Of course, when he got adopted, there was already another one waiting for a foster home. Scratch that, there are at least 4 or 5 waiting for foster homes! Yikes. So we have another foster boy now, his name is Max and he's 2 years old. He weighs a whopping 35/36 pounds, though, so we need to help him lose weight. His previous owner was free-feeding him, which isn't a good idea with a pug (or most dogs, really). He really needs to lose at least 6 pounds, probably more like 8-10 pounds. It'll be a long process (probably way longer than we'll have him for) but he'll feel so much better when he loses the weight. He's such a cutie, I can't get over how funny his expressions are! His tongue is too long for his head so it hangs out most of the time, and he just looks really funny - it's too cute! Here he is:


I think he'll get adopted really quickly - he's such a sweet, cute boy and aside from his weight, he has no issues. He's a great boy all round. I actually kind of want to adopt him myself! I know we can't, but I totally would if we could. Of course that would mean no more fostering, so it's not the best option. Pug rescue need as many foster families as possible, they're constantly inundated with pugs! This week alone I think there have been 4 or 5 come in, it's crazy. At the event today one other pug (a beautiful, sweet, one-eyed girl) was adopted and there are a couple of pending adoptions as well. It's so rewarding to foster, even more rewarding than I'd imagined. To know you played a part in helping a dog is priceless, even if it does hurt when they leave again.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Seriously bummed... :(

My period started today. I'm actually in shock. Today I was 9dpo, it shouldn't have started until Thursday (12/1) because my LP is always 13 days. I really don't understand what's going on. My temp was down just below coverline this morning, but I thought that maybe I slept with my mouth open or the covers kicked off. When I saw the spotting around noon, I was really surprised but thought it could maybe be implantation bleeding. I thought that at the worst, I might get my period in a couple of days. It started this evening though. I'm totally gutted, it just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

It seems to me that as time goes on, my cycles get crazier and crazier. It's so weird. My first cycle charting, I ovulated on CD22. The next cycle was anovulatory (we moved house and it was stressful). The cycle after that I ovulated on CD24, and this last cycle I ovulated on CD28. It seems to be later each time. All of my cycles where I ovulated had 13 day LPs, except this last one. I just don't know what to think now.

I'm starting to wonder if this just isn't going to happen for us. I know we've only been trying for 6 months, but at the rate things seem to be going, I dread to think what my next few cycles will bring. I was doing so well at not getting stressed with TTC during my last cycle - how can I not be stressed about this cycle, knowing that if I even ovulate, my LP might just be 8 friggin' days again which is way too short to sustain a pregnancy even if we did catch the egg.

Ugh, this whole thing sucks. I want to be pregnant so badly and I'm so scared that there's a major problem with me. I feel like such a failure because my body won't do what it's supposed to do. I know it's kind of irrational, because it's not like this is something I can really control, but I feel as though I'm failing my hubby and myself by not getting pregnant. It's not even only the "not being pregnant" thing that's bothering me - not ovulating in a timely manner and now having this ridiculously short LP is what's really bothering me right now. I know that the chance of conception with perfect timing etc. is only around 20% per cycle, but even if we did catch the egg this last time, an 8 day LP just isn't good enough for it to implant. So yeah, I feel like a failure.

I'm just a mess at the moment.

Friday, November 25, 2011

8DPO / Thanksgiving / Crochet

I'm 8DPO today and feeling OK. Yesterday my temp dropped below coverline on my chart, but it's back up again today. It could have been an "implantation dip" which is kind of a misnomer, because it doesn't mean you're pregnant. It's not really known what causes it but it can happen regardless of pregnancy. It could just be one of those things, or it could be a good sign.

I haven't had this kind of pattern on my chart before, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything either I guess. It looks OK but I don't know really. I took a test this morning, even though I knew it was most likely going to be negative (it was). I'm planning on testing again on Sunday, at 10dpo. We'll see though, I know I'm impatient and might go ahead and test again tomorrow even though it's probably a waste of a test. Just as well I have all those cheap Wondfos, huh?!?!

I really hope that this might be it. I know we haven't been trying all that long compared to a lot of people, but it feels like a long time even though it's only been 6 months since I stopped taking birth control pills. We'd be over the moon if I get pregnant, seriously. I really hope it'll happen soon, as in this cycle, LOL.

I'm actually trying not to think about it too much, which is obviously not working too well. I'm not stressing about it though, so that's something I guess. I just have to not allow myself to think about how awesome it would be to be pregnant. We were shopping yesterday and we wound up in the baby section of the store. Seeing all the adorable baby clothes and blankets etc. made me all excited, so we had to leave that area because I really don't wanna get my hopes up only to have them dashed again.

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Damn, I'm so sleepy today. Yesterday was Thanksgiving of course, and we had our friends Z & O over and my BIL. It was a hectic day. I spent virtually all day Wednesday cleaning the house from top to bottom, and yesterday we had lots of cooking to do. Of course there was way too much food - we had chips and little spicy sweet sausages for snacks before dinner, and we cooked the turkey, mashed potatoes and a green bean casserole (my first ever - it was really yummy!). Our friends brought stuffed mushrooms and stuffing and BIL brought 2 pies, pecan and pumpkin. He also brought soda and our friends brought beer. We ate so much last night but this morning I was still really hungry and had to eat pretty much right away when I got up. I really don't think today is going to be very productive, honestly.

I've been doing some crochet, I started on Monday and made 2 little owls. I made another 2 on Tuesday so now there are 4. I was thinking of sending them as Christmas gifts, since they're small and light and therefore shouldn't be too expensive to send to the UK. I think I'm gonna send them to 6 or 7 people, so I planned on making 12 and then I'll have lots to choose from. Originally I was going to try to make 12 by the end of this week but I don't think that's going to happen now. I might make one later, and maybe a few over the weekend depending on what we end up doing. Here are the 4 I've made so far - I made the green one first, then the multi-colored one, then the red one and finally the blue one.

They're small, maybe about 3 inches tall (the red one is probably 2 inches, it's quite a lot smaller than the others, but they're all different anyway). I didn't use a pattern (I'm useless at interpreting patterns) so they're just kind of made as I go along. They're all basically the same idea, just slightly different in size etc. I have 11 different yarns so I can make loads of different color combinations. It's been fun, I've been meaning to get back into crochet for ages but never got around to it. I'm glad I started up again, it's a nice little hobby :-)

Monday, November 21, 2011

4DPO :)

Well, I now have a chart that looks how it should - no longer does it say ovulation was on CD14! I actually changed the tuning from 'advanced' to 'FAM' which is what a lot of women recommend doing, and it changed the O date from CD14 to CD28 which is when I thought I ovulated. Yay!


So now I'm 4DPO and I definitely feel as though I ovulated - gassy and bloated as I always am post-ovulation. My period will be due on my birthday, which kinda sucks! If we're successful this cycle though, I could be getting the best birthday present ever - my BFP! I'd love for that to happen, it would be totally awesome! I know logically though that I'm more likely to get my period than my BFP, just as with every other cycle.

I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best, but I don't like that I ovulated so late in my cycle. I know it's possible to conceive when you ovulate late, but I feel as though it's maybe less likely. I mean, doesn't it become harder for the fertilized egg to implant because the endometrial lining gets thicker and thicker as time goes on? But, I have read about one woman who ovulated on CD52 and got pregnant, had a healthy pregnancy and now has a healthy baby. So it's definitely not impossible! I think if I keep ovulating really late, I'll go see an OBGYN. I mean, it's good that I am ovulating, but if late ovulation is not likely to result in pregnancy, I may need some help getting pregnant. Maybe Clomid or something to make me ovulate earlier, I don't know. I also know it hasn't been all that long since I came off birth control pills - it's exactly 6 months today since I took my last one, actually - so maybe my body is still trying to regulate itself and I just need to give it more time.

I'd be so happy to have regular 28 day cycles. Or even 32 day cycles! This one will be 41 days I think, because I ovulated on CD28 and have a 13 day LP (unless that changes this time). If I could just ovulate by CD17, I could have 30 day cycles and it would be so much easier than these long cycles. Yes, it means more periods, but it also means more chances to conceive. My cycles so far have been 35, 35, 42, 37 days and now this one should be 41 days. That's only 5 cycles in 190 days - it gives me an average cycle length of 38 days. If that keeps up, I'll have less than 10 chances to conceive in a year, whereas people with 28 day cycles have about 13. It may not seem like a big difference, but when you're TTC it feels like a huge thing!

Anyway, I need to go walk the dogs. They're all fast asleep in their lovely beds right now, we bought a big dog bed yesterday and our foster pug Cheko is sleeping right in the middle of it. Our girls Suzie & Gracie are snuggled together in one of the other beds - they usually squish together even though there's another perfectly good bed right there! Too cute :)

Friday, November 18, 2011

Confused

So I was really down about this cycle. Then this morning my temp shot up by 0.7ºF and when I updated my charts, FF decided that I ovulated 15 days ago on CD14. Huh. I disagree, I'm pretty sure it'll change its mind tomorrow! If I have ovulated, it must have been yesterday, surely? FF did this to me last cycle too, decided randomly on CD25 that I'd ovulated on CD11. Yeah. Well, no, I ovulated on CD24 actually. This must be another one of those instances, I guess.

However, if it's right and I did ovulate on CD14, then I could be pregnant. I'm not going to let myself contemplate that though, because I really don't think it's got it right this time. Last cycle I took a test when it decided I was 14DPO but of course it was negative, because I actually was only 1DPO. That's not gonna happen again this time! Hopefully in a couple of days my chart will say I ovulated on CD28 as I think I did. If my temp stays up there, then it's pretty obvious isn't it? If it's a one-off high temp, then I guess it's a fluke.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Another crappy cycle :(

Right now it's CD27 and I haven't ovulated. There were a few times when it looked like I might ovulate, but it never actually happened. I was actually quite optimistic for this cycle - I wasn't stressing about TTC, we were DTD pretty much every other day and just going with the flow really.

On another note, we're now fostering a pug for pug rescue. He's such a sweetie. He marks in the house occasionally but other than that, he's lovely. It'll be hard to let him go but we're taking him to adoption events and I hope he gets adopted. We went to one on Saturday and a few people really liked him but weren't in a position to adopt. There's another one this Saturday so maybe he'll find his forever home then. I just hope he doesn't get too attached to us, I wish there was some way to make him realize this is only his temporary home, you know? It'll all be OK. Once he gets adopted, I'm sure it won't be long before we get another foster to keep us busy. :)

Anyway, I don't know for sure but I think my lack of ovulation could be due to other stress. I've been having some problems with my dad, he's visiting from 12/23 to 1/3 and he's being an idiot for the most part.

It started in September, when he decided he was coming. This will sound bad, but when I got the email asking if he could visit for Christmas, my heart sank. The reason for that is:

1) He visited last year and was a complete pain in the ass
2) He's a terrible house guest
3) It's our first Christmas in our new house (and if my body would do its job and damn well ovulate, it could be our last Christmas without a baby - not that having a baby would be a bad thing, of course, but it could be our last Christmas as just "us")

Well, as soon as his trip was booked he started making demands of me. He demanded that I get my driver's license (I have my permit but haven't been having regular lessons since around May/June time). The reason he wants me to get my license? So I can drive him everywhere, because he "can't afford" to hire a car. Well, that's definitely not true - he could hire a car if he wanted to. I say this because he booked more expensive seats on the plane than he needed to (about $300 more than coach would've cost) and now he's also booked 1st class train tickets to get to the airport (about another $150 extra than standard class would've cost). Now normally I would say that his finances are none of my business, but when he's constantly going on about how much money he's spent on this and that, and then in the same breath telling me how "skint" he is, I think he's making it my business.

I should probably add here that the reason I don't have my license yet is that hubby's car is a stick shift and I really get nervous driving because I'm always worried about stalling. Whenever I do stall I get really flustered and I hate it, honestly. I think if we had an automatic like 99% of Americans, I'd be much better and would have my license already. I didn't really need to drive in England because the place is a whole lot smaller than America, LOL. Public transport wasn't too bad for the most part and the city I lived in wasn't as big as the one I live in now. Here it's another story, you really do need a car. So, yes, I'm a weirdo for not having my license but that's why. Once I realized I would be moving here I chose not to get my UK license because I think it would've been so weird to be used to driving on the left hand side of the road, and it would've been more confusing than just learning here.

Anyway, this latest example of my dad being "skint" is nothing new. We used to meet up for lunch once a week and take it in turns to pay. One time, it was his turn to pay and halfway through lunch he asked if we could split it or if I could pay (I think it was the former, I don't remember) because he was skint. Then, right after, he went and bought a suit that he didn't need! Right in front of me, of course. OMG. That was infuriating. It seems he's only "skint" when it suits him. Never mind the fact that at the time I was actually skint, getting debts paid off before moving to the US. And he earned a lot more than I did. Yeah.

While being skint, he's also spending upwards of $18,000 converting his garage into another living room. And now he says he's going to buy a leather jacket for his trip here. Knowing him, he'll spend around $300 on that. Oh, and he has a good few leather jackets already. *sigh*

He's repeatedly told me that while he's here we won't be able to eat out much, because he's skint. Hubby and I aren't actually bothered about eating out, we do so occasionally and it's a treat, not an every night thing. We cook the vast majority of the time and that's fine. However, my dad will not eat chicken. He's not allergic to it, he just won't eat it because he doesn't like the way chickens are kept. I get that, but he even said he probably wouldn't eat free range chicken either! Yet he has no problem eating any other meat. Hmmm. I asked if he would eat turkey - his response: "I suppose if it's free range turkey then yes, I could eat it". Well, dude, you're going to be here for Christmas and we're having turkey (most likely). If someone was coming to stay who had an allergy to certain foods, we wouldn't mind accommodating them. Or, if it was a religious thing and they couldn't eat certain things, then OK. But he's just being picky for the hell of it and that really pisses me off! He's trying to dictate what we buy and as a guest he should just be grateful for what we provide, right? I'd never dream of going to someone's home and demanding anything.

The very latest issue I have with him is that since he's traveling on the train now rather than getting a ride with my stepmom to the airport, he can't possibly bring a suitcase. Oh no, that's completely unreasonable apparently. So he's bringing carry-on only. For 11 days. Yes, 11 days. WTF?! When he told me this (I was half expecting it because I know what he's like) I asked that he at least bring more clothes than he did last time. He flew off the handle. Yes, because I would like him to bring enough clothes so that I don't have to be doing his laundry constantly. Gosh, how awful of me! Last year, he brought a big suitcase but hardly any clothes. I couldn't believe it - I even asked him who packed it! Honestly, he had 2 or 3 pairs of jeans, 2 or 3 shirts, 2 or 3 sweaters and maybe a few pairs of socks and underwear. His trip was 10 days. Every day he would ask if I was doing washing, even when I did a load of washing the day before! It was infuriating. Now, don't get me wrong, yes we have a washer and dryer and I don't have a problem doing someone's laundry. But every damn day? Seriously?! Unbelievable. Then, when I was doing washing, I'd tell him and ask for his stuff that needed washing, and half an hour later I would still be waiting for those items. I'd have to ask 2 or 3 times for them, when I wanted to just get on with the damn laundry. That's just stupid, right?
So yeah, when I asked him to bring more clothes than last time he got really pissy with me, telling me how ridiculous I am and making snide remarks. He even said that since I only see him once a year I should do his washing every day with no problem. Then he started saying sarcastically that he would give us the money it costs to run the washer. I had to get blunt with him and say, "We live in the friggin' desert. It's completely wasteful to run the washer every damn day when there's no real need to! It's not about the bloody money!"

The next few emails I got from him all contained a passive aggressive statement about laundry. The last one was simply this: "Maybe you can find out how to use the washing machine before I arrive. Ha ha." I didn't respond to that bullshit. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, honestly. What a dick!

Oh and because he's not bringing a suitcase, apparently I have to buy him all the toiletries he needs. That'll be shaving gel, razors, toothpaste and goodness knows what else. I don't want to sound like a tight-ass, but when I said he could use my hubby's shaving gel (we have 2 cans of the stuff!) he said he didn't want to use his. Seriously? So I have to go out and buy more, just for his 11 day trip? Huh. Great!

The last time he was here, I showed him where everything was in the kitchen and told him to help himself. He spent the majority of the time sitting on his ass demanding cups of tea constantly. He wouldn't even get himself a glass of water. I remember one time, I was cleaning the bathroom and he started shouting to me that our dog needed to go outside. He was right there, by the door, but wouldn't let her out because he was too busy sitting on his ass. When I shouted back "Can you let her out then?" his response was "I don't know how to work the door". For goodness sake! It's hardly complicated, it's a sliding patio door. Never mind the fact that he hadn't even attempted to do it...

He left snotty tissues all over the coffee table, which is frankly disgusting. I asked multiple times that he stop doing that, because our dog would try and get them, but he still did it. He left dirty socks on the couch. When I asked him to put his dirty clothes away he actually said he didn't know where to put them. Um, how about in your suitcase in a plastic bag? Is that really so hard to do? We're talking about someone in his 50s here, FFS!

One day he left a coffee cup in the bathroom. Why it was in the bathroom to begin with, I have no idea. He somehow managed to dirty-up the entire length of the bathroom mirror in literally 2 days - to the point where it was worse than it would've been if I'd left it 3 months without cleaning it! Unbelievable!

He wanted to eat out virtually every night, but the one night we stayed in and cooked for him he couldn't bring himself to thank me for the meal. Hubby and I both cooked it, but I did about two thirds of the cooking. My dad saw us both cooking. He said "Thank you _(husband)_ for cooking for me" - I said, "We both cooked actually," and he just gave me this stupid look. We went for a meal with my in-laws and he told them how my hubby had cooked for him. I corrected him again and his response was, "Well you never used to cook!" Oh right, so just because I didn't cook when I was younger means you can't acknowledge a meal I cooked for you now? Because I really don't get that "logic" whatsoever. It's just another example of him being rude.

The other thing he did while he was here was criticize virtually everything about my life. He would go on and on about how bored I must be not having a job (at that time, I legally couldn't work because I was waiting for my employment authorization from USCIS). When I pointed that out, he would get all stupid and ask me things like "Well how can you not be bored?!" (um, hello, I'm living on a different continent, it's not exactly boring! Besides, I knew I wouldn't be able to work for at least a few months after arriving, because that's how the system works with the visa I came on! No point getting my knickers in a twist about it when I had plenty of time to prepare myself mentally, right?!).
He would start arguments over the most ridiculous stuff, and he basically just wore away any good will I had. I try to be a good hostess when people visit, I really do. When you have someone like that staying with you, though, they wear you down. As a guest in someone's home, I would never dream of creating more work for them. I'd tidy up after myself and not burden them with things. I'd certainly never criticize the people I'm visiting or their lifestyles!
The breaking point for me was when he accused me of making no effort. That was just the straw that broke the camel's back, seriously. This came after I had:

1) Rented him DVDs that I'd already seen or had no interest in seeing, because he wanted to watch them (and would then fall asleep watching them)
2) Given him loads of ideas of places we could go (to which most were met with "not really interested" - give me something to work with! I told him it was his vacation, so he needed to give me some idea of what he wanted to do so I could find things he's interested in!)
3) Made him countless cups of tea
4) Waited in Starbucks for over an hour while he had a massage
5) Cleaned up after him constantly
6) Taken endless criticism from him
7) Done his damn laundry because he couldn't be bothered to bring anywhere near enough clothes for his trip
8) Let him make phone calls to the UK and also use my laptop
9) Listened to him trying to guilt me because I moved here

Yeah, no effort on my part whatsoever, right?! =/

So, it's needless to say I'm not exactly looking forward to his trip this time. I have a feeling he's going to completely ruin Christmas and New Year for us, and just generally be an ass like last time. He's most likely never going to change, I get that. Well, if he acts like a dick this time, I don't think we'll have him to stay here again. I don't care that we have a 4 bedroom house now, I don't want anyone staying here if they can't at least try to be good house guests. I don't expect people to be perfect, by any means - nobody is! But I do expect some courtesy from someone who's staying in our home. I don't want to be anyone's maid. I'm not going to made to feel like crap in my own home. My hubby's even said that if my dad talks to me like he did last time, he's going to have something to say about it. If my dad really wants to be a dick, then he can go stay in a hotel. I don't want it to come to that, but come on dude!

Ugh, I have to talk to him on Skype later today. I'm so not looking forward to it. It seems as though every week he springs something else on me, which pisses me off even more. I wonder what it'll be this time...

Hubby's 30th birthday cake

It's been such a long time since I wrote here. I've been writing a lot, but not on the blog, just for myself.

Anyway, here's the red velvet cake I made for my hubby's birthday. It turned out pretty well for a first attempt :)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

CD6

My period showed on Friday, so my LP was 13 days again. I was disappointed for a little while, but I'm over it now. There's no point in dwelling on what could have been, after all. I have to admit that when I was cooking hubby's 30th birthday breakfast pancakes this morning, and it dawned on me that if I had been pregnant I'd be telling him today (if I'd been able to keep it to myself this long, haha) - that kinda hurt a little. Oh well.

I changed my mind about the B-50 complex, I'm gonna keep taking it at least for this cycle. I might keep up with it regardless of it having any effect on my LP. A 13 day LP is fine anyway.

About the whole TTC thing, I sometimes have my doubts about whether I really want to be pregnant. It's crazy, because I really do want to be! I've always wanted to be a mom, you know? I think sometimes it just freaks me out a little, that's normal right? (I hope so!). Then I have this somewhat irrational 'fear' that we won't be able to have kids. I don't have any reason to believe that we'll have problems, so I don't know where that comes from. Weird, huh?

I'm baking a red velvet cake this afternoon for my hubby, I hope he likes it! I'll post a pic if it turns out well... I've never made one before so it'll be interesting! :)

Lately I've been really wanting to get another dog. I must be crazy, right? I mean, we have 2 already. I just really would like a third, it would have to be a boy because 3 girls would be a nightmare (we had enough trouble with the 2 girls we have, until we got the dog trainer involved). Anyway my hubby eventually agreed to go to a big adoption event on Sunday (I'd been pestering him about it since Saturday evening and he said no until Sunday morning) and I got all excited thinking that if he was up for going to the event, we might get another dog. Wrong! Granted, the pugs they had there on that day weren't probably the best match for us. Our girls are 2 and 4 so we'd probably need to get one around the same age. I'd actually love to adopt an older one but it would have to be a very playful older dog, otherwise it would get really pissed with our younger one (she always wants to play). I don't think that the rescue would match us with an older dog for that reason. Anyway, we're going to the pug rescue fundraiser this coming Sunday and I know they'll have most of their pugs there. We wouldn't even have to fill in an application because we've already adopted from them, and they know us. It would be so easy! I don't think there's any hope though, my hubby isn't ready for another dog and said he won't be for 1-2 years! I tried to reason with him, saying that if we want to get another dog, it'd be better to get one before we have a baby so that we can iron out any issues we may have before the baby comes. Plus, if I get pregnant at some point soon, we're very unlikely to adopt when we have a tiny baby. I'm hoping that he'll come around, but it's probably futile honestly.

So, I've been talking to him about fostering for pug rescue - they always need foster families for dogs until they find their forever homes. He seems OK with the idea - he said we could foster 1 and see how it goes. Maybe we could end up fostering 2 if it went well with 1. I think it would probably break my heart when they found their forever homes, but I'd just have to try not to get too attached. It's easier said than done, though, because some dogs end up being long-term fosters. You never know how long you might have them for - it could be a few days, a few weeks, months or even a year or longer! It would be a good thing to do, though - it would be nice to help the doggies find their homes. I think I'll email the pug rescue lady today and ask about it. I'm not really sure how it works, you know, the logistics of it all (vet bills, food, etc.)
The thing that worries me is that if we foster one who really fits in with us and our girls - wouldn't it be a shame to then have them go live with someone else? Ugh, I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it. I guess we won't know unless we try though...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

12DPO

It's really not looking good - still spotting and now my temp has dropped. My period will likely show up tomorrow or the day after. *sigh*


I hope my next cycle will be more 'normal' - maybe I'll ovulate at a decent point in my cycle, for once. Maybe my temps will be easier to read, with less fluctuations.

I think I'm gonna stop taking the B-50 complex. It doesn't seem to have done anything to increase my LP length, and I don't want to increase the dosage so I'll just stop taking it when I get my period. I'll obviously keep taking my prenatals though.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

11DPO

Today marks 11DPO, and I've started spotting a little. Ugh... I'm still kinda hoping it's implantation bleeding, but I'm having a hard time trying to convince myself of that. In my last ovulatory cycle, I started spotting at 11DPO as well. I know that this could technically be implantation bleeding, but really, isn't it too much of a coincidence that I started spotting on the exact same day as before? I guess anything's possible, but I'm inclined to believe that I'm not going to get my BFP this month. :(

It sucks, because this would be a great time to get my BFP. I know that whenever it happens it'll be amazing, but just in time for my hubby's 30th birthday? Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. I realized today that the last time I ovulated (before this time) was July 20th. That's almost 3 months ago! I know my last cycle was messed up by us moving house (at least, I'm pretty sure it was the stress from the move that prevented ovulation) but it feels like such a long time. I know that some women have serious trouble ovulating at all, so I don't want to sound like a whiney bitch, but I just wish I had regular 28 day cycles! I know it's only about 5 months since I stopped taking birth control pills, so my body might still be regulating itself, but long cycles really do suck. My shortest so far has been 35 days, the longest (my anovulatory one) was 42. I have heard of some women having cycles of 100+ days though, so maybe I should just be grateful for what I have. There's always someone worse off, right?

I tested again this morning - BFN (of course). It could still be too early, I guess. Or, more likely, I'm just not getting pregnant this month!

Anyway, for what it's worth, here's my chart. I'm pretty sure this won't be my BFP cycle, but technically I'm not out until my period shows. I still have a glimmer of hope, at least for now! :)

Monday, October 17, 2011

10DPO

I'm 10DPO today and feeling super hormonal! I'm having a lot of cramping, which has been quite painful at times. I'm still very gassy and bloated, and my skin is truly awful. I've tested at 8, 9 and 10DPO and all were negative (of course). I knew I shouldn't test until 12DPO but it seems I never listen to my own advice... Anyway, I haven't had any spotting yet so even though I'm cramping a lot I don't think my period is imminent. The last ovulatory cycle I had, I started spotting at 11DPO and my LP was 13 days. Now that I'm on the B vitamins, my LP may be longer, I don't know.

My chart still looks good, but it's probably still too early to make any real predictions. Here's my current chart:



Interestingly, my post-O temps are similar to my last ovulatory cycle... at least from 6-8DPO, anyway. Here's that chart:


The big difference with my current cycle's chart is that the cross-hairs are solid, which means FF is very sure of my ovulation day. Last time, they were dotted which means it wasn't entirely sure. The temperature rise with my current cycle was the rise and fall kind, which is also different, but it's a recognized ovulation pattern so I don't think that's anything I need to worry about.

I only hope that my temps stay high and that AF doesn't show! I'd love to get my BFP this month, it would be wonderful. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, though. I'll most likely keep testing with my Wondfos every day until 14DPO, if my period hasn't turned up by that point. At least the Wondfos are cheap, so it won't break the bank! :)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Yay, I ovulated! :)

Damn, it's been quite a while since my last post. We haven't seen MIL since that horrible night, 9/17 (almost a month without the crazy - woo-hoo!). Life is great without the stress she causes!

Anyway, so it took a while but I finally ovulated! On 10/7, which was CD24. I'm so happy that it happened, even though it was a late one. I must admit, I was starting to worry that there was something wrong with me because I thought this cycle was going to be anovulatory like my last one. But no, it's all good :)

My chart looks pretty cool, I haven't had this pattern before with my temps but I remember seeing it described on FF as a "step" pattern. I'm only 6DPO today so it's too early to test of course. My chart did something crazy and decided on CD26 that I'd ovulated on CD11, even though I was pretty sure it was actually CD24. Anyway, on CD26 since it was telling me I was 15DPO I figured I may as well test - negative, obviously, because my O date was in fact only 2 days earlier! So that's why there's a test on my chart on CD26. I'm not actually that crazy to test at 2DPO!! :)

I really hope we have a good chance of catching that egg and getting our BFP this cycle! It's my hubby's 30th birthday in a little under 2 weeks from now - wouldn't that be a great birthday present?! It's also our wedding anniversary this weekend. I don't know if I should have any wine when we go out for our celebratory meal... I'm leaning towards 'no' but maybe I could have 1 glass. I'll only be 8DPO then, so if we did catch the egg implantation might not even have occurred by that point. Hmmm...

Friday, September 30, 2011

Update on MIL

The day after my last post, hubby and I decided that we would write his mom a letter (because she won't listen to us, so we had no other option) and tell her that she cannot and will not treat us the way she did that evening. So, we wrote it together but it's actually from hubby. I didn't sign it or anything, it's written from his point of view. We did a good job, we spent a long time going over it, editing things, to make sure that it wasn't rude or bitchy. Anyway, we took it to his parents' house and his dad answered the door. Hubby gave him the letter, to pass on to her. His dad was like "Oh, you don't want to give her it yourselves?" and I said "No, after Saturday we don't really want to see her right now". He then said he'd spoken to her about it (again) and that maybe the letter would get through to her.

The main points in the letter are:

1. Her behavior has become intolerable lately - because of this, we need at least a few months away from her to think about our relationship with her.

2. The way she tried to bully me into going to bible study with her was terrible - she should have dropped it as soon as I said I wasn't interested. "Just because you are my mom does not mean that you have the right to treat me or my wife in such a way."

3. We will never discuss religion with her again. If she ever tries to push her beliefs on us again, she won't be a part of our lives anymore.

4. If she wants anything to do with our future kids, she will respect our wishes as their parents and will not discuss religion with them either.

5. She can't be trusted with our kids, when we have them, because she's made it clear that she will brainwash them. She won't have the opportunity to babysit, ever.

6. She needs to let go of the idea that her as a grandma will have more say than us as the parents - what a ridiculous notion!

7. If she can't respect us as adults then she will be cut off.

8. She's obviously a control freak and doesn't like it when she doesn't get her own way. Hubby is almost 30 and doesn't need her running his life for him!

9. She crossed a big line that night - we won't back down on this issue at all. If she can't respect us, then she knows the consequences.

So, of course she called BIL to tell him about the letter. She apparently said, "If it torments them so much to speak to me, they don't have to" - how did we know she was going to try to turn it around on us?! As if we're the ones with a problem?!?! Whatever, lady.

Anyway, we'll have a nice few months away from the craziness, and see what happens then. She will most likely never change, but that's fine - we don't have to put up with her stupid behavior anyway, so whatever!

Monday, September 19, 2011

More MIL drama!

Oh man, what a weekend!

We went to the in-laws' house for dinner on Saturday night. Based on recent undeserved, derogatory comments made by MIL about our new house (which is lovely by the way) we were prepared to have some kind of confrontation about that. Basically, if she started bitching about her house I was going to ask her to stop the crap. Hubby would've backed me up.

Well, I wish that was what we would've had to deal with, and not what actually happened instead!

MIL is a Jehovah Witness. Hubby and BIL were raised that way from the time hubby was 7/8 and BIL was 3/4. They both hated it and both left as soon as they could (hubby was about 20 and BIL followed his lead on it from what I can gather). Obviously this has been a major bone of contention ever since, because MIL is so obsessive about her religion that nobody else matters really. She did a great job of proving that on Saturday... The meal went well, I was actually thinking to myself how nice the evening was, since I'd been dreading it prior to going because we figured we'd have to confront her about her shitty comments. Well, toward the end of the evening she pulled hubby and I aside in the kitchen and started saying this:

"Can I ask you both a question?" (how ominous does that sound?!)
Then she proceeded to talk about one of her JW friends who lives nearby, who we met shortly after our wedding last year. I honestly thought she was going to ask if she could bring her friend by our house to show her it. Well, I was wrong. She proceeded to ask me, in front of my hubby, if I would go to bible study with her and her friend. I politely but firmly said "No, I'm really not interested in that" - I could not have been more clear, there was no room for any ambiguity. Any reasonable person would have left it at that, but not MIL.
She then said "Well you can do the bible study without becoming a Witness!" - I reiterated that I'm really not interested!!! I said it multiple times, phrasing it in slightly different ways, but would she listen? Would she hell!
As if that wasn't enough, she then started lecturing us on how when we have kids, it's going to be her 'responsibility' to "teach" them about her religion. I very quickly corrected her on that and said, "NO! When we have children WE will be the PARENTS and you will be the GRANDMA! WE will raise our kids as we see fit, it's not up to you!" She still wouldn't let up, and at that point I had to walk away because I was so furious. I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life, honestly.

I went to sit down in the living room (their kitchen/living room is open plan, BIL was sitting on the couch and FIL was standing near BIL, they both could obviously hear the 'discussion' we were having). I said to BIL, "remember what I said last week about how when we have kids, MIL will be crazy? Guess I was right, but it's happening sooner than we thought" (or something along those lines). He seemed very embarrassed by his mom. FIL didn't do anything, but I'm sure he could hear what was being said. After a couple of minutes watching MIL lay into my hubby, and him standing up to her repeatedly, I went back over to back him up again. She started asking us what we will tell our kids when they ask us where things like trees come from. I said, very matter of fact, "They come from seeds!" and she said "Who put them there" so I said "You don't know yourself - all you know is what you believe, but there's no proof!"
She kept asking what we believe and we said we believe in science - not her religion. I don't even know why she brought any of this up, honestly. She knows neither of us are religious and we don't want to hear this.

I even said, "We have no problem with you believing whatever you want, but we don't believe the same thing. When our kids are old enough if they want to be religious we won't stop them!" but that made no difference either.

She started saying how when she babysits our kids, they'll see that her religion is her life and they'll ask her questions about it so she'll have to tell them this and that, what a load of BS! What she actually means is that she'll be brainwashing them at any opportunity she gets, just as she tried to do with her own kids. I very firmly said, "When we have kids, if this is even an issue, we will definitely be dealing with it!" (of course she didn't like that). My hubby backed me up, saying we will not be happy at all and we won't tolerate it. I said, "I'm sure when you had your kids you didn't want people telling you how you should raise them, so why should you get to tell us what to do?!" and she snapped back aggressively, "Actually, Emily, I wanted my mom to tell me what to do, OK?!" - I looked at her incredulously, shaking my head and struggling to refrain from saying what I wanted to, which was "Fuck off you boundary-stomping crazy bitch! You will never see your grandkids when we have them, because you're fucking toxic". I think I actually said "Whatever, that's not what we want".

By this point I'd already said to hubby that we were leaving, so we were packing up the dogs and their stuff (bowls, toys etc.)
I went up to FIL during this time and said "Can you tell her to stop imposing her religious beliefs on us?!" and we went outside to the car. FIL came with us, and I explained the whole thing to him (a brief synopsis). I told him how ridiculous it is that she's even brought this up, because I'm not even pregnant yet! She's arguing with us over something that doesn't exist yet, FFS. I also told him that her behavior recently has been so bizarre and we don't know what her problem is but we're not putting up with it. I then told him that we're not falling out with him and that he's more than welcome to stop by our house anytime, without her. He said he'd already spoken to her about this issue and told her to mind her own business, and not tell us how to live our lives or how to raise our future kids. He agrees with us, basically.

I've decided that I'm not going to have anything further to do with her. I can so do without someone so toxic, downright nasty and disrespectful being in my life. This issue will never go away - it's not like she's going to change her mind and suddenly respect us or our opinions. She's such a hypocrite because she demands that we respect her because her religion is her life, but where's the respect for us and our choices/beliefs? Honestly, she can go fuck herself.

Hubby isn't going to see her or speak to her for the foreseeable future - we won't be showing up for dinner as she'll be expecting us to on October 1st (2 weeks from the disastrous night on Saturday) and we won't be telling her we're not attending, because in this situation any politeness on our end has been exhausted (and got us nowhere). If she calls we will either not answer or we'll hang up. We don't currently get caller ID with our home phone plan but I think we might need to add it. It costs a little extra but it's probably going to be well worth it. If she calls my hubby's cell though he'll know it's her.

I have told hubby that I do not want her in our house again, I will call the cops if she comes round and refuses to leave. We won't answer the door to her if she comes and she has no key, so if it comes down to it and she shows up but won't leave I'm sure the cops will be more than happy to remove her from our property. I don't want it to come to that but I wouldn't be surprised. It's not like she lives far away.

When we have kids, they will also have nothing to do with the toxic bitch. She's already proven that she can't be trusted to respect our wishes, and therefore she deserves to be cut-off. I honestly don't have any sympathy for her, because the way she treated us on Saturday was deplorable. We wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior from a stranger, a friend or any other family member, so I don't see why we should have to put up with it from her. Yes, she's my hubby's mom (poor him) but that doesn't give her a free pass to behave this way. She's done it to herself, and as I've said to hubby, it's just as well her religion is her life because the way she's going she's not going to have much else left in it! I'm guessing it'll only be a matter of time until she drives BIL away (he's not married or anything yet, but if/when he does get married, MIL will do the same thing to him and his wife) and I actually wouldn't be surprised if she drives FIL away too. What he does is obviously up to him, I don't expect him to see me at all if he doesn't want to, but I made it clear to him that I don't want to fall out with him and that he's very welcome at our house. I know that if he wants to maintain a relationship with me and have one with our future kids, she won't make it easy for him (that much is obvious) but the way I see it is I'm doing what I need to do in order to survive, and I sure as hell will not let that vicious little bitch get anywhere near our children, when we have them. Hell, I've told hubby the dogs won't even be going to the in-laws' house anymore, so when it comes to our kids you can bet I'm 100% serious about this.

Ugh, I've been so stressed over all of this. It's horrible. She doesn't get to have that kind of power over me, or hubby. If I never see her again it'll be too soon!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Some good news!

No, I didn't ovulate. I did get my period though, so thank goodness for that! I'm sooo glad that stupid 42 day anovulatory cycle is over, it was so frustrating. Hopefully the reason I didn't ovulate was because of the stress of moving house, and I'll have a normal cycle this time. Fingers crossed, anyway.

I'm just really happy that my cycle was only a week longer than usual, and not something ridiculous like 150 days long, lol. I know it was a wasted cycle because I didn't ovulate, but at least it's done with now and we can start trying again. Deep down I knew that it would probably be a bad cycle for TTC, but we tried anyway of course. Maybe this cycle will be the one :-)

Monday, September 12, 2011

As I suspected...

So with this morning's temp, my chart no longer shows ovulation. I expected that this would happen, because I didn't truly believe it when it said I O'd on CD37. Last cycle my post-O temps were much higher (above 98ºF) and the biphasic pattern was a lot more obvious. This is how my chart looks today, one big mess!


I'm so tired of this bullshit cycle. Today is CD41 and I still haven't ovulated, I very much doubt that I will now. If I do, chances are I won't get pregnant according to what I've read. I just want this cycle to end - either to ovulate (with no doubt that it's happened) or to just get my damn period so we can start over. In a way I want to just stop temping now, and resume when I start my next cycle, but I want to know what's going on and if I do O I want to know about it. Ugh. This whole thing sucks!

Hubby is on-call starting today for the entire week (finishing next Monday morning) which means that we'll probably get woken up at 3 a.m. or thereabouts multiple times. That's not good for temping! I hope he has an easy week so we're not both like zombies. Also, we're gonna need to keep DTD at least every other day, just in case I do O. This week is going to be a tough one as far as TTC goes. It'd probably be best if I just got my period, honestly. :-(

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I ovulated?

My temp was down this morning and I was disappointed, thinking that I must not have ovulated. Well, when I got up I put my data into my charts and apparently, FF thinks I ovulated 3 days ago. I'm happy about that of course but I have to say I don't really believe it, lol. I wouldn't be too surprised if tomorrow's temp changes that, and the cross-hairs on my chart disappear. Hopefully that won't happen but we'll see! My CTP chart hasn't detected ovulation yet, despite having the same information. I thought that with today's temp my CTP chart would change the coverline, but it didn't. Maybe tomorrow it will detect O.


So unless anything changes, I'm 3 DPO today. That means that in about a week I can start testing. I'm not expecting to get pregnant this month, because I've ovulated so late and our timing wasn't exactly great this time. Last cycle our timing was rated "very good" and this time it's just "good", but I know it only takes 1 little swimmer to do the job! Haha.

Honestly, looking at how crazy my chart has been this cycle, I don't think I believe FF's interpretation. I think it's been so long that I've kinda resigned myself to thinking I won't O this cycle, so now that it says I have I'm in disbelief. I guess I'm cautiously optimistic, but we'll have to see what happens over the next few days - hopefully my temps will be way up so there won't be any doubt! :-)

By the way, the cross-hairs have now changed from solid lines to dotted lines (I assume that's because I put some additional data in - CP, CM).

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Coverline changed!

When I updated my charts this morning, my CTP chart changed the coverline. I knew that was a possibility - now it's gone to 97.6ºF (from 97.4). My temp this morning was 97.8ºF, and it's the highest temp I've had in 27 days. Here's my chart as it looks now:


I guess we should probably DTD today, just in case. We would've been doing it every other day at least but moving house was exhausting, and we were so busy, that we missed a couple of days. Oh well - it can't be helped. I'll just be glad if I ovulate this cycle, honestly. I'm pretty sure that the stress of moving messed my cycle up, but I don't want this cycle to go on for like 70 days! Hopefully I've either O'd or I'll O soon and then my LP will be around 14 days and then I'll either get my period or a BFP - preferably a BFP, of course! :-)

Friday, September 9, 2011

It's been a while!

OK so it's been quite a while since I updated here...

Today is CD38 and as far as I know I still haven't O'd! It must be because of the stress of moving house. We moved on Saturday and it all went really well but it was stressful, of course. We're loving our new house, it's awesome! It feels like home now, well for the most part anyway. We love living here and so do our dogs! :-)

I'm kinda confused because on one of my charts the coverline got added today, which is kinda odd. I don't think I've O'd yet, but it seems as though my countdowntopregnancy.com chart might think that I have.
Interestingly, it's given me the same value for my coverline as it did my last cycle. My temps have been so erratic this cycle that I really have no clue what's going on, so I guess we'll see what happens in the next few days. If it does think I've O'd, then in another couple of days it should put my O date on my chart. That's assuming that my temps stay above the coverline though, I guess. I really hope that I've either O'd, or I'm going to O very soon, or if this is going to be an anovulatory cycle then I hope I get my period soon so we can start again next cycle. Hopefully I'll have more of an idea of what's going on within the next week or so, maybe sooner. This cycle has been so frustrating! 38 days so far and no end in sight yet. If I have O'd already then I should get my period (or a BFP) by around 9/22.

My other chart doesn't have a coverline yet but if I remember correctly fertilityfriend.com puts that in at the same time as the O date.

What crazy charts I have right now, huh?! =/

Monday, August 29, 2011

MIL drama

OK so I figured I may as well write about the crappy MIL drama from the weekend.

Weeks ago, MIL said that she and FIL would buy us a really nice vacuum cleaner as a housewarming gift. We were really happy about that, as our current one isn't great.

Fast forward to Saturday - hubby got a call from his mom to say that she'd collected the vacuum. She then went on to say that she's been using it in her house and it's really good. When hubby told me that she said it was good, I thought he meant she'd demo'd it in the store, so he had to fill me in. I was like "WTF?! Seriously? Who does that?!"

She'd also told him that her hubby (FIL) was pissed with her for using it, since it's supposed to be a gift for us.

Anyway, we went there for dinner the same day, as planned, and the vacuum cleaner was sitting out in full view, unboxed of course. She didn't mention it so I didn't say anything. Inside I was seething, though. My FIL made a few comments that night about how he was pissed about it, saying that it's not hers to use and she shouldn't be using it at all. I fully agree!

When it was time to leave I went to the bathroom and I could vaguely hear a conversation between hubby and his parents. I got the general gist of the conversation, but I asked hubby to fill me in on the way home. He said that his mom said, "You don't need to take the vacuum today, you can get it in a week when you move in to your new house" - so hubby said "Why, are you going to keep on using it?" and she was like "Yeah!"
Hubby and FIL proceeded to tell her that she's out of order and you just don't do that when you buy a gift for someone - it's the principle of it! She didn't listen to either of them and just tried to justify it.

Now in my mind, since it's meant to be a gift from both MIL and FIL, she should respect FIL's views on the subject even if she doesn't respect our views. I didn't say a word about the damn thing, because I was so angry about it. She's proving herself to be a boundary-stomping bitch, if you ask me. It might "only" be a vacuum cleaner, but it's not the first time she's fucked something up for us. When we got married, she told us she didn't like the items on our registry (she even called some of them "tacky") and then went out and bought completely different items that she chose, because she liked them. Well, she had no respect for us because we'd spent time choosing items we liked and she chose for us instead. Also, I then had to delete the stuff we'd chosen because otherwise we could've ended up with 2 sets of everything. It wasn't the end of the world, we ended up with patterned plates instead of the plain ones we wanted, but I think it was a sign of things to come. Now the whole, "Here, I've bought this expensive vacuum cleaner for you, I know you can't afford to buy one like this yourselves, but before you get it I'm going to use it for 10 days or so" thing is taking the piss.

I feel as though she's trying to mark her territory or something. I honestly don't think she's accepted the fact that her "little boy" is married now, he's going to be 30 in 2 months, and he's got his own life. She knows I'm the only person who will be using that vacuum cleaner, because I'm a housewife. She knows it's pissing her husband off, and her son. She probably knows she's pissed me off too, because I couldn't act "normal" around her on Saturday because of all this bullshit. Also I think if she thought I was fine with it, she would've tried to get me to back her up because her own husband and mine were both telling her she was in the wrong. She's lucky she didn't do that, because I would've told her what I think about it. It's never crossed my mind that anyone would even think to use something they'd bought as a gift for someone!

Back to the wedding registry thing, I know nobody is obliged to buy gifts from the registry, but it really annoyed me because when you buy a gift for someone it should be something you think they will like - it's not about you, it's about them. I've bought gifts for people because I knew it was what they wanted - the only consideration I had to make was if I could afford it or not! She actually ended up spending more money than she would've if she'd bought the stuff on our registry, which is her prerogative, but it's not the point is it? It's obviously all about her, as she's proved yet again.

Tired of waiting...

Nothing much to say, except that this is my chart, which shows I haven't O'd yet (I'm now on CD27)

I think stress has delayed O, because we're moving house this weekend coming and we've had a lot of stress recently with my selfish mother-in-law. Fun times... =/

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

CD22

I still haven't ovulated yet! Oh well. It happened last cycle on CD22/23 so I'm not too worried.

Here's my chart so far:
I do feel as though it's going to happen soon, but I've felt that way for like 5 days now! I had EWCM on Sunday (CD19) but I haven't seen it again since. As long as I do actually ovulate, that's all I'm really bothered about right now! :-)

I found a very interesting board on Babycenter.com, called Dealing with the In-laws and FOO (family of origin). You would not believe the kind of drama some women have had surrounding their pregnancies/childbirths. Family members throwing a hissy fit because they're not allowed to be there for the birth, or not allowed to stay with the new family immediately after the birth, all kinds of crazy shit! OMG! I'm glad I found it before I'm even pregnant, because I can see some of the same issues possibly being a problem for us.

1. MIL, although I get along with her well and she means well I think, is pretty overbearing. Example - insisting to my hubby and BIL (29 and 25 respectively) that she should be allowed to make them dentist appointments. They declined, she asked if she could make one for me! FIL eventually had to step in and tell her no, they're grown adults, leave them alone FFS!

2. MIL took hubby aside a few weeks ago to ask him when we're going to have a baby (he said "when we're ready" despite the fact that we've been TTC since June, haha) and she told him to tell me to stop taking BCP so we could get started. I actually laugh about this, but I don't think it's appropriate for her to be saying things like that. She should've just left the subject alone when hubby told her "when we're ready", IMO.
She also announced (rather randomly!) one evening at dinner that she thinks we should have 3 kids and we should have a girl (she never had a girl but always wanted one). When she asked us what we want when we do have a baby (girl or boy) we both said we really don't mind, we just want them to be healthy. FIL was in complete agreement on this too (he's normal, lol!)
I'm not sure where the 3 kids thing came from - she seems to think it's the best number, but she only had 2! :D

3. My dad is very overbearing and can be pretty childish, along with being selfish most of the time. I'm 99% sure that when we tell him we're expecting, he'll be wanting to make plans to come over here and stay with us (because our house is evidently a hotel). We will be moving into our new house in about 10 days or so, so we will have a guest room (we don't in this house), but honestly when I've thought about it properly (about what it'll probably be like right after giving birth - uncomfortable, in pain, trying to get the hang of breastfeeding, getting into some kind of routine as a family, etc. etc.) I really don't think we'll be wanting house-guests for at least 4-6 weeks after the birth. If it was someone who would actually help out around the house, rather than sit on their ass all day without lifting a finger, then I might consider it. My dad, though? Um, no! When he visited for 10 days over new year, he drove me crazy by not doing anything for himself and I had to clean up after him all the time. If it drove me crazy without having a baby to look after, then can you imagine how much of a pain it would be if I'd just given birth?!?!
I mentioned that he can be childish and selfish - well, I'm sure if I said that we didn't want any house-guests for x amount of time he'd be all sulky and spouting the "what about what I want?" kind of shit. Now I do know that we'll see our baby every day, and for people visiting it won't be like that, but those first few weeks are pretty crucial bonding time, and I don't want to be unable to breastfeed because of someone stressing me out all the time!

4. I expect MIL is probably going to want to be at the birth. This is non-negotiable for me - nobody will be with me while I'm in labor/giving birth other than my husband and the necessary medical professionals. If I don't want my own mom there, I sure as hell don't want my MIL there!

5. MIL (and FIL, to some extent) is a Jehovah Witness. Hubby and BIL left that cult as soon as they were old enough to get out. FIL I think goes just to keep the peace in their house, because he gets nagged. a. lot.
Anyway, it seems like she's still holding out hope that hubby and I will magically decide to join too, which I can assure you will never happen, ever. I do worry though that she will try to brainwash our kids when they're young, because I don't think she can help herself when it comes to that stuff. I've told hubby that I'd be majorly pissed if she did anything like that and he's in complete agreement with me on that issue. Let's hope it doesn't happen, but I must say I'll be very surprised if she doesn't do that... =/

Now, another concern at the moment is that our new house is very close to the in-laws' house (1.3 miles). We went ahead with buying the house because it is lovely and we really like the area, but I've been wondering lately if it's going to cause issues. I really hope it doesn't, but hubby and I have talked about it and decided that we should set some boundaries when we first move in, so that we don't have any problems. My in-laws will have a spare key to our house in case we lose ours or whatever, but it's not to be used for coming into our home uninvited! We will have a mutual respect for each others' privacy - no showing up unannounced or uninvited. I think we can say it in such a way as to make it sound like we're alleviating any worries they might have about us living so close, so that it's not just a "you will not come over without calling first" kind of demand. It'll be more like a "now we're going to be living so close by, we think it's best if we all respect each others privacy and not show up at each others houses unannounced" kind of thing. We need to set some boundaries from the start, I think, judging by the experiences of people on that DWIL board!

I should add that I really do like my in-laws, they've been very good to hubby and I, so it's not like I don't want to see them. I just don't want his mom walking into our house whenever she feels like it! (We'd never do that to them, either)

I do have some justification for being worried about this - MIL has often shown up at BIL's house (even though it's a good 20 miles away from hers) without prior notice and just let herself in. Hubby says she's not like that with him (she really babies BIL - probably because he doesn't stop her from doing so!) so hopefully she won't start doing that. I just think with us living so close there's a good chance she might do. Hopefully she won't show up out of the blue with her Kingdom Hall friends to show them our house (we don't know them, for a start!)

Anyway, I'm glad I got that out of my system! :-)

Friday, August 19, 2011

CD17... Lots of cramping!

Today I've felt very hormonal and now I'm cramping a lot, so I wonder if I'm going to ovulate soon... Fingers crossed! My chart is still weird of course, but hopefully when I do ovulate it will be obvious. It was last time, anyway.


I'm hoping we'll DTD tonight, but hubby doesn't seem to be in the mood. Last night he was too tired. We've probably been overdoing it, we should've just stuck to every other day but I guess we got carried away. I really feel like I'm about to ovulate though so it would totally suck if we don't get to DTD...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Packing up the house!

Today I cleaned the house, we went out for lunch (pizza - bad I know!) and then I started packing up our stuff at home. We're hopefully moving on September 3rd so it's a little over 2 weeks away... about time I started packing really! I've been meaning to get going with it for weeks now, but I'm very good at procrastinating. Not a great 'skill' to have, but hey! :-)

Being busy helped to keep my mind off TTC for a little while, but as soon as I was done with today's effort my mind went right back to it again! I packed up our winter clothes (won't be needing them any time soon!), bathroom stuff we don't need access to and all our photo frames, ornaments and candles. I also packed up my Wondfos, FRERs, the owl toy, the giraffe blanket and 2 new baby outfits I bought from Old Navy on Tuesday (they were on clearance and they were too cute to miss. Hubby obviously thinks I'm crazy!). One of the items is a brown one-piece which says "I love my dad" on it, and the other is a green and white onesie with pandas on it. They're both meant to be for boys I think but I reckon you could get away with putting them on a girl too, they're kind of unisex in my book anyway. :-)

My chart is still looking crazy, I know I need to stop focusing on it and just get on with other things (I'll ovulate when I'm meant to ovulate, right?!) but it's easier said than done. Here it is:


I have wondered if we should even be trying this month, what with us moving house and everything. Not that it wouldn't be a good thing if we conceived this month, it'd be awesome of course, but I just wonder if we'll be too stressed out for it to happen this time. Honestly I'm more stressed about TTC than moving house, at the moment anyway! (that will no doubt change when we get closer to our move date though, hehe).

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Still haven't ovulated!

Today is CD15 and my temp went down this morning. I wrote down all my temps for this cycle in a list and identified a few which might have been flukes. If they were flukes that would make my chart a little less crazy but I obviously can't change those temperatures because they were the temps I got and I don't know what to change them to anyway! Lol.

The ones I think could be flukes are CD8, CD11 and CD14. I kind of imagined them not being so out of whack with the rest of my temps and my chart would certainly make more sense then, but I'm not changing anything because I don't want to mess everything up. This is how it looks now:


I'd totally understand the crazy temps if I'd been taking my temps at different times, or not getting enough sleep, or getting up before taking my temp, or drinking alcohol... But no. That's why this is all so odd.

I think the thing that's got me the most confused, besides my crazy temps, is the watery CM. Why am I on my 9th day of fertile CM?! Crazy, huh? It's a lot different from my last cycle, that's for sure. I haven't noticed any egg-white CM yet but I only 2 days of it with my last cycle so that's probably on its way soon... maybe! Hopefully the CM means I'm super-fertile this month, hehe. I can only hope so, anyway! :-)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

CD14, temps still crazy

Hmmm... My temp did go up this morning (by 0.4ºF) to 97.7ºF but I'm still not sure what's going on, so I'll have to wait to see what happens.


It's so weird that I'm now on day 8 of having fertile CM, I've never had such a sustained period of it before. I wonder if the B6 etc. has anything to do with it? I just hope that I will ovulate and that it'll be clear on my chart so there's no wondering. With this weird temp pattern I'm not sure that ovulation will be easily pinpointed, hopefully it will. Last cycle my post-ovulation temps were 98.1ºF or higher, so if they get up there again hopefully my ovulation day will be obvious. Hopefully we'll time DTD well, too. Fingers crossed! :-)




Monday, August 15, 2011

CD13 and feeling somewhat hormonal!

The way I feel today is just like CD23 of my last cycle... Greasy skin with a breakout (1 bad zit and quite a few small ones) and pelvic cramping. I had the same symptoms yesterday but the cramping is worse this evening. Last cycle I ovulated either CD22 or 23, so with the symptoms being the same I'm really hoping this is a good sign that I'm going to O soon! :-)

My chart is looking absolutely crazy this cycle, I'm confused because I'm super consistent with taking my temps every morning but they still look like this:


I guess I just have to hope that in the next few days my temps will shoot above 98ºF and stay up there to confirm ovulation.

I'm so not used to having bad skin, I must admit it's surprised me that I've been having breakouts at certain points in my cycle since coming off the Pill. My skin definitely looked better while I was on it! Oh well. I guess when I get pregnant I'll probably have greasy awful skin then too. Hubby probably thinks I'm an idiot for thinking my skin is terrible but it's relative, right? He has frequent breakouts so as far as he's concerned my skin is fine, but I'm used to having clear skin! Haha. I feel like I'm a teenager again with this skin! :-D

I'm also craving sweet things, unfortunately for me we're all out of chocolate and cake! It's probably just as well, hehe. I might have a cup of cocoa, maybe that will satisfy my cravings! :-)


Sunday, August 14, 2011

CD12... crazy temps!

This morning my BBT was even more confusing... down to 97.0ºF! What the heck?! So now my chart looks like this:


Weird, huh?! Guess we'll just keep DTD every other day and see what happens. I wonder if I will ovulate earlier this cycle - I really hope so!!!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

CD11

Well my temps this cycle are being kinda erratic, to say the least. I'm pretty confused because even though I'm taking them at the same time each morning (right after hubby wakes me up to take my temp) they're all over the place! Ugh, I just don't know what's happening.


Today is my 5th consecutive day of fertile CM and my temps have been fluctuating between 97.3ºF and 97.8ºF since the fertile CM started. I'm not sure what temperature my coverline will be set at, if I remember correctly that doesn't get set until ovulation or some time around then.

I guess it's promising that I've been having fertile CM this early on, last cycle the first time I got that was on CD15 and then it was another week before I ovulated. Maybe having fertile CM from CD7 this cycle I'll ovulate around CD14 ish... That would be awesome! I can only hope, anyway! :-)