Monday, September 19, 2011

More MIL drama!

Oh man, what a weekend!

We went to the in-laws' house for dinner on Saturday night. Based on recent undeserved, derogatory comments made by MIL about our new house (which is lovely by the way) we were prepared to have some kind of confrontation about that. Basically, if she started bitching about her house I was going to ask her to stop the crap. Hubby would've backed me up.

Well, I wish that was what we would've had to deal with, and not what actually happened instead!

MIL is a Jehovah Witness. Hubby and BIL were raised that way from the time hubby was 7/8 and BIL was 3/4. They both hated it and both left as soon as they could (hubby was about 20 and BIL followed his lead on it from what I can gather). Obviously this has been a major bone of contention ever since, because MIL is so obsessive about her religion that nobody else matters really. She did a great job of proving that on Saturday... The meal went well, I was actually thinking to myself how nice the evening was, since I'd been dreading it prior to going because we figured we'd have to confront her about her shitty comments. Well, toward the end of the evening she pulled hubby and I aside in the kitchen and started saying this:

"Can I ask you both a question?" (how ominous does that sound?!)
Then she proceeded to talk about one of her JW friends who lives nearby, who we met shortly after our wedding last year. I honestly thought she was going to ask if she could bring her friend by our house to show her it. Well, I was wrong. She proceeded to ask me, in front of my hubby, if I would go to bible study with her and her friend. I politely but firmly said "No, I'm really not interested in that" - I could not have been more clear, there was no room for any ambiguity. Any reasonable person would have left it at that, but not MIL.
She then said "Well you can do the bible study without becoming a Witness!" - I reiterated that I'm really not interested!!! I said it multiple times, phrasing it in slightly different ways, but would she listen? Would she hell!
As if that wasn't enough, she then started lecturing us on how when we have kids, it's going to be her 'responsibility' to "teach" them about her religion. I very quickly corrected her on that and said, "NO! When we have children WE will be the PARENTS and you will be the GRANDMA! WE will raise our kids as we see fit, it's not up to you!" She still wouldn't let up, and at that point I had to walk away because I was so furious. I don't think I've ever been so angry in my life, honestly.

I went to sit down in the living room (their kitchen/living room is open plan, BIL was sitting on the couch and FIL was standing near BIL, they both could obviously hear the 'discussion' we were having). I said to BIL, "remember what I said last week about how when we have kids, MIL will be crazy? Guess I was right, but it's happening sooner than we thought" (or something along those lines). He seemed very embarrassed by his mom. FIL didn't do anything, but I'm sure he could hear what was being said. After a couple of minutes watching MIL lay into my hubby, and him standing up to her repeatedly, I went back over to back him up again. She started asking us what we will tell our kids when they ask us where things like trees come from. I said, very matter of fact, "They come from seeds!" and she said "Who put them there" so I said "You don't know yourself - all you know is what you believe, but there's no proof!"
She kept asking what we believe and we said we believe in science - not her religion. I don't even know why she brought any of this up, honestly. She knows neither of us are religious and we don't want to hear this.

I even said, "We have no problem with you believing whatever you want, but we don't believe the same thing. When our kids are old enough if they want to be religious we won't stop them!" but that made no difference either.

She started saying how when she babysits our kids, they'll see that her religion is her life and they'll ask her questions about it so she'll have to tell them this and that, what a load of BS! What she actually means is that she'll be brainwashing them at any opportunity she gets, just as she tried to do with her own kids. I very firmly said, "When we have kids, if this is even an issue, we will definitely be dealing with it!" (of course she didn't like that). My hubby backed me up, saying we will not be happy at all and we won't tolerate it. I said, "I'm sure when you had your kids you didn't want people telling you how you should raise them, so why should you get to tell us what to do?!" and she snapped back aggressively, "Actually, Emily, I wanted my mom to tell me what to do, OK?!" - I looked at her incredulously, shaking my head and struggling to refrain from saying what I wanted to, which was "Fuck off you boundary-stomping crazy bitch! You will never see your grandkids when we have them, because you're fucking toxic". I think I actually said "Whatever, that's not what we want".

By this point I'd already said to hubby that we were leaving, so we were packing up the dogs and their stuff (bowls, toys etc.)
I went up to FIL during this time and said "Can you tell her to stop imposing her religious beliefs on us?!" and we went outside to the car. FIL came with us, and I explained the whole thing to him (a brief synopsis). I told him how ridiculous it is that she's even brought this up, because I'm not even pregnant yet! She's arguing with us over something that doesn't exist yet, FFS. I also told him that her behavior recently has been so bizarre and we don't know what her problem is but we're not putting up with it. I then told him that we're not falling out with him and that he's more than welcome to stop by our house anytime, without her. He said he'd already spoken to her about this issue and told her to mind her own business, and not tell us how to live our lives or how to raise our future kids. He agrees with us, basically.

I've decided that I'm not going to have anything further to do with her. I can so do without someone so toxic, downright nasty and disrespectful being in my life. This issue will never go away - it's not like she's going to change her mind and suddenly respect us or our opinions. She's such a hypocrite because she demands that we respect her because her religion is her life, but where's the respect for us and our choices/beliefs? Honestly, she can go fuck herself.

Hubby isn't going to see her or speak to her for the foreseeable future - we won't be showing up for dinner as she'll be expecting us to on October 1st (2 weeks from the disastrous night on Saturday) and we won't be telling her we're not attending, because in this situation any politeness on our end has been exhausted (and got us nowhere). If she calls we will either not answer or we'll hang up. We don't currently get caller ID with our home phone plan but I think we might need to add it. It costs a little extra but it's probably going to be well worth it. If she calls my hubby's cell though he'll know it's her.

I have told hubby that I do not want her in our house again, I will call the cops if she comes round and refuses to leave. We won't answer the door to her if she comes and she has no key, so if it comes down to it and she shows up but won't leave I'm sure the cops will be more than happy to remove her from our property. I don't want it to come to that but I wouldn't be surprised. It's not like she lives far away.

When we have kids, they will also have nothing to do with the toxic bitch. She's already proven that she can't be trusted to respect our wishes, and therefore she deserves to be cut-off. I honestly don't have any sympathy for her, because the way she treated us on Saturday was deplorable. We wouldn't tolerate that kind of behavior from a stranger, a friend or any other family member, so I don't see why we should have to put up with it from her. Yes, she's my hubby's mom (poor him) but that doesn't give her a free pass to behave this way. She's done it to herself, and as I've said to hubby, it's just as well her religion is her life because the way she's going she's not going to have much else left in it! I'm guessing it'll only be a matter of time until she drives BIL away (he's not married or anything yet, but if/when he does get married, MIL will do the same thing to him and his wife) and I actually wouldn't be surprised if she drives FIL away too. What he does is obviously up to him, I don't expect him to see me at all if he doesn't want to, but I made it clear to him that I don't want to fall out with him and that he's very welcome at our house. I know that if he wants to maintain a relationship with me and have one with our future kids, she won't make it easy for him (that much is obvious) but the way I see it is I'm doing what I need to do in order to survive, and I sure as hell will not let that vicious little bitch get anywhere near our children, when we have them. Hell, I've told hubby the dogs won't even be going to the in-laws' house anymore, so when it comes to our kids you can bet I'm 100% serious about this.

Ugh, I've been so stressed over all of this. It's horrible. She doesn't get to have that kind of power over me, or hubby. If I never see her again it'll be too soon!

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