A jumbled mess of a post

Today I'm 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. As far as we know, things are progressing just fine. My progesterone supplements seem to be working - I definitely feel more like I did before my progesterone dropped, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I take them at bedtime, and they make me sleep so well most nights! That's a very welcome side effect, I must say. :)

Nausea has started to affect me more, but most of the time I'm OK. I've been resting a lot and taking it easy, especially on the days when I've had spotting. I'm drinking water with lemon slices, which actually makes me want to drink more water, so I'm more hydrated than I otherwise would be. It seems to help a little with the nausea, too. I'm glad to have the nausea, it makes me feel as though things are going well. I know that's really silly, because plenty of women have no nausea and have healthy babies, but it's a reminder that I'm pregnant I guess. It still feels kind of surreal at times - I don't think it will feel 100% real until we see our little bean at my ultrasound, honestly. The days are dragging, it feels as though October 8th will never arrive! When it does, I'll probably be a nervous wreck. I'll be 8 weeks 2 days along then, all being well, so we should be able to see quite a bit. More than they would see at this stage, anyway! A lot of women on my birth board are getting very early ultrasounds, and they seem to cause more anxiety than anything. I'm actually glad that mine isn't super early because I see so many women panicking when nothing much is seen at their ultrasounds and they're only 5 weeks or so pregnant. Unless it's absolutely necessary, from a medical standpoint, I don't see the point in subjecting oneself to that kind of stress. Of course, some of those ladies have been lucky and seen their baby with a heartbeat. I guess it's a gamble so early on!

I'm kind of regretting telling some people about the pregnancy when I did. I know it probably sounds bad, but I sort of regret telling my mom the most. I know she's really excited, but I've stopped telling her about any of the worrying things that have happened. She gets this panicky tone in her voice and I just can't deal with it! I only told her about the antibiotics I had to take, and it was like her heart was in her mouth. This is all over the phone, of course - she's in the UK and I'm here in the US. I haven't mentioned anything about any of the spotting I've had, or the progesterone issue - I just don't want to have to reassure her when really, I'm not 100% confident that everything is OK myself. Does that make sense? I mean, I really hope everything is perfect, but I've read enough (and seen enough in my medical imaging career back in the UK) to know that things can and do go wrong. The first trimester is so difficult, because it's the riskiest time. I manage to think positively about 90% of the time, but every now and then negative thoughts will creep into my mind. I think - well, truly hope - that once I have my ultrasound, I'll be able to feel better. Hopefully we'll see our baby with a nice strong heartbeat, and his/her development will be on track. I hope the ultrasound tech will let us see the screen and give us some pictures; my ultrasound is at a radiology place, not at my OB office, so I'm not sure what their standard procedure is.

I spoke with one of my best friends last week on Skype, and kept my mouth shut about the pregnancy. I'm glad I didn't tell her, because I want to wait until at least after my ultrasound before telling anybody else. Plus, we were busy discussing her plans to marry this Nigerian guy she's known less than a year and whose UK visa is about to expire at the end of this year... When she told me about his visa expiring (back in February) I asked what his plans were, and she said he didn't have one. I had an idea that he would propose, and that's exactly what happened in August. The more she tells me about him, the weirder the whole thing gets. I feel very uneasy about the whole thing, especially because he's pushing her to get married ASAP (I wonder why...)
I know there's nothing anybody can really say to her, but she's very naive and me and our other best friend (there are 3 of us who've been friends since we were 4 or 5) both think the whole thing is undoubtedly dodgy. I hope she puts 2 and 2 together, and quickly!