A jumbled mess of a post

Today I'm 6 weeks 3 days pregnant. As far as we know, things are progressing just fine. My progesterone supplements seem to be working - I definitely feel more like I did before my progesterone dropped, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I take them at bedtime, and they make me sleep so well most nights! That's a very welcome side effect, I must say. :)

Nausea has started to affect me more, but most of the time I'm OK. I've been resting a lot and taking it easy, especially on the days when I've had spotting. I'm drinking water with lemon slices, which actually makes me want to drink more water, so I'm more hydrated than I otherwise would be. It seems to help a little with the nausea, too. I'm glad to have the nausea, it makes me feel as though things are going well. I know that's really silly, because plenty of women have no nausea and have healthy babies, but it's a reminder that I'm pregnant I guess. It still feels kind of surreal at times - I don't think it will feel 100% real until we see our little bean at my ultrasound, honestly. The days are dragging, it feels as though October 8th will never arrive! When it does, I'll probably be a nervous wreck. I'll be 8 weeks 2 days along then, all being well, so we should be able to see quite a bit. More than they would see at this stage, anyway! A lot of women on my birth board are getting very early ultrasounds, and they seem to cause more anxiety than anything. I'm actually glad that mine isn't super early because I see so many women panicking when nothing much is seen at their ultrasounds and they're only 5 weeks or so pregnant. Unless it's absolutely necessary, from a medical standpoint, I don't see the point in subjecting oneself to that kind of stress. Of course, some of those ladies have been lucky and seen their baby with a heartbeat. I guess it's a gamble so early on!

I'm kind of regretting telling some people about the pregnancy when I did. I know it probably sounds bad, but I sort of regret telling my mom the most. I know she's really excited, but I've stopped telling her about any of the worrying things that have happened. She gets this panicky tone in her voice and I just can't deal with it! I only told her about the antibiotics I had to take, and it was like her heart was in her mouth. This is all over the phone, of course - she's in the UK and I'm here in the US. I haven't mentioned anything about any of the spotting I've had, or the progesterone issue - I just don't want to have to reassure her when really, I'm not 100% confident that everything is OK myself. Does that make sense? I mean, I really hope everything is perfect, but I've read enough (and seen enough in my medical imaging career back in the UK) to know that things can and do go wrong. The first trimester is so difficult, because it's the riskiest time. I manage to think positively about 90% of the time, but every now and then negative thoughts will creep into my mind. I think - well, truly hope - that once I have my ultrasound, I'll be able to feel better. Hopefully we'll see our baby with a nice strong heartbeat, and his/her development will be on track. I hope the ultrasound tech will let us see the screen and give us some pictures; my ultrasound is at a radiology place, not at my OB office, so I'm not sure what their standard procedure is.

I spoke with one of my best friends last week on Skype, and kept my mouth shut about the pregnancy. I'm glad I didn't tell her, because I want to wait until at least after my ultrasound before telling anybody else. Plus, we were busy discussing her plans to marry this Nigerian guy she's known less than a year and whose UK visa is about to expire at the end of this year... When she told me about his visa expiring (back in February) I asked what his plans were, and she said he didn't have one. I had an idea that he would propose, and that's exactly what happened in August. The more she tells me about him, the weirder the whole thing gets. I feel very uneasy about the whole thing, especially because he's pushing her to get married ASAP (I wonder why...)
I know there's nothing anybody can really say to her, but she's very naive and me and our other best friend (there are 3 of us who've been friends since we were 4 or 5) both think the whole thing is undoubtedly dodgy. I hope she puts 2 and 2 together, and quickly!

Could it be?

Yesterday was CD15 and I had loads of cramping and some spotting. This morning I had a temp rise of 0.4. I think I ovulated - but I don't want to get too excited yet, because in all my 13 months of charting the earliest I've ever O'd is CD17. I know it could be a fluke temp, but I would love it if I ovulated already! My gynecologist said that when I ovulate isn't an issue, but I know some fertility specialists prefer ovulation to happen before CD18. A part of me thinks that somehow we might have a better chance if I ovulate sooner. Who knows? At least it's less waiting - I hate waiting 3 weeks just to ovulate!

Today was a pretty decent day. I talked to one of my best friends on Skype, and then I phoned my cousin and we had a nice long chat. I spoke to his wife first and asked her how the pregnancy is going - everything is fine, so that's good. She must be around 29 or 30 weeks now, the baby is due in the middle of October. I really hope that by then we'll have some happy news of our own to share... I (foolishly) looked up what my EDD would be if we get lucky this cycle, and if it does happen I'd be about 14 weeks along by that time. I know I shouldn't do that to myself, but I do this every month for some reason!

Anyway, I'm happy for them that they're having another baby. I just wish we could be so lucky ourselves. This is one of the things about unexplained infertility - there's no reason to think we won't conceive this cycle (well, aside from the fact that we never have yet), so I guess I should be optimistic. Maybe this cycle will be the one.

Testing starts tomorrow, and other unrelated things!

I deleted my rant about my hubby's job: it looks as though we'll be able to make everything work tomorrow after all. The plan is that when I go to my gynecology appointment he'll get his blood work done, and then later we'll take his sample to the lab for analysis. Fingers crossed it'll work out, anyway!

We went to the gym today and yesterday and did an hour workout each time. We'll take tomorrow off and go again Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. We both feel a lot better now that we're going to the gym regularly.

I got some good news yesterday: my friend and her family are coming to visit next Easter! They'll be in our state for a little over 2 weeks, it'll be awesome! They wanted to come last year and this year but were unable to afford the trip, but now they've booked for next year so that's something great to look forward to. They'll be staying in a hotel, which is a good thing because honestly we'd struggle a bit with 4 house-guests for that length of time. We'd manage but it would be a shock to the system when it's normally just the 2 of us (plus the pugs!). The husband is allergic to dogs and one of the girls is developing allergies to animals too, so it's definitely in their best interests to stay elsewhere. Plus, they'll probably have a better vacation because they'll be able to do what they want when they want. There are 3 pools at their hotel, too - I'm sure they'll enjoy those!
So we have my mom and step-dad coming to visit (staying with us) from 2/22 through 3/8 next year, then my friends coming from 3/29 through 4/14. Exciting stuff! It's good to have things like that to look forward to.

I ordered some stuff from Amazon on Friday - one of those ovulation detector saliva microscopes, some more HPTs and a book. I was going to order regular OPKs but I figured I'd give the microscope a go, because it's something you can use repeatedly as many times as you want. It was about $28, which I thought was pretty good considering that I could spend $55 on OPKs monthly! This is a one-off purchase so it should be much better value for money. It'll be interesting to see how it is, anyway. It should be arriving around Tuesday, so hopefully it won't be delayed and I'll be able to use it for this cycle. Today is CD10 so I doubt I'm close to ovulating yet; it'll probably be another week at least.

Overall I feel a lot better now than I did last week. I don't know what changed, but I definitely feel more positive. I think it's partly due to the fact that we're being proactive, starting with testing etc. I don't feel worried about my hubby's SA results or his blood work results, because I'm almost certain everything's fine with him. Of course I could be wrong, and I think I'm as prepared as I can be that there could be a problem, but I'm not worrying about it yet. It'll likely be a week before we get his results, so maybe I'll feel apprehensive by that time!

I'm fairly calm about my gynecology appointment too. I'm trying to think positive thoughts - I really don't like doctor appointments but it's something I need to do. I tend to get really anxious when I have appointments (I have no idea why, maybe it's white coat syndrome!). I'm sure it'll be fine though. I hope I'll like the gynecologist and that I'll be able to ask her lots of questions and get good answers. That's all I really want - for her to listen to me and take my concerns seriously. Oh, and to be gentle! LOL.

Changes for the better

Yesterday we went and joined the gym. We managed to fit in a 30 minute workout, which isn't as much as I'd have liked but by the time we'd been to the store (I needed some sneakers and we both needed shorts!), then signed up at the gym, it was close to 5 p.m. We're going again today when my hubby finishes work, and this time we'll probably be there for an hour or so. We both felt better after our short workout yesterday, so going regularly will definitely help.

I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.

As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.

 

This probably sounds terrible, but I'm glad that I haven't heard from my cousin and his wife since they announced their new pregnancy. I can really do without her going on about "how much worse everything is when you're pregnant" - said with a smug smile. Hmmm. They don't know anything about us TTC, but comments like that are a bit of a blow right now. Rationally I know that comment was nothing, but it irked me. Kind of like when people say stuff like "you wouldn't know since you don't have kids", etc. Like I need reminding of that!

Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?

Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.

CD16

I had some light spotting yesterday, which could be ovulation spotting. It's stopped now. I read about it and apparently it can happen 2-3 days prior to ovulation, so perhaps I'll ovulate today or tomorrow. I haven't had any BBT rise yet, so it hasn't happened yet. The day after ovulation is when you get a significant temperature rise, so if I ovulate today then I should have a jump on my chart tomorrow. We'll see! My CM has been pretty wet lately too which is a good sign!

We've been DTD a lot lately, so far we've done it on these days:

CD7, CD8, CD9, CD11, CD12, CD13, CD14. We DTD yesterday, CD15, but unfortunately didn't finish so it doesn't really count.

We'll DTD again today, and continue to do so at least every other day until I get a sustained BBT rise.

Sunday was interesting - our A/C broke down in the morning (or perhaps during Saturday night) and we had to go stay with the in-laws until it was fixed on Monday. Our house by lunchtime was unbearably hot! Our dogs can't survive in high heat and to be honest, we were struggling a lot too. So off we went to the in-laws' house, to stay in their guest room. Well, that was an experience! TTC at the in-laws' house, even though we knew I probably wasn't fertile then, was funny. The bed must be the squeakiest bed in the world, ever - that wasn't an option! We ended up DTD on the floor, which was far from comfortable, but we managed! Anyway, I don't think that's how our baby will be conceived... I haven't ovulated yet so it's been too long, really. Would've made for a funny story though!

I'm having intermittent cramping at the moment so I probably am going to ovulate soon. Here's hoping that we're successful this month! :-)

Now, if we were successful and we conceive this cycle, our baby would be due early April. That would be awesome because it won't be too hot here then - I can't imagine how tough it would be to be heavily pregnant in the summer here, I'd much prefer to give birth April-May time than June-September! Of course though, whatever will be will be. However, my friend and her family from the UK are planning to come and visit in April for a couple of weeks, and we've said they can stay with us (providing we have the new house by then - otherwise it would be impossible!). Well, the thing is, if I do get pregnant this cycle and everything goes well, that's not really going to work out is it?! I mean, if I'm due to give birth or have just given birth, we won't be wanting 4 visitors at that time. Plus, if that does happen, hopefully my family would want to come out here. I was talking to my friend on Skype this morning and she was saying that they're still planning on coming over here, they haven't booked anything yet but they're still hoping to come, and at the moment they're trying to sell their house and downsize. I wanted to tell her we're TTC, but I didn't think there was much point because just because we're TTC doesn't mean we necessarily will conceive right away. Maybe we won't conceive for a few months, in which case it would be fine having them to stay in April. On the one hand I did think maybe we should wait to try, but there will always be something that will make timing inconvenient, right? I mean, we have to live our lives for ourselves and not for everyone else. I'm sure my friend will be very happy for us whenever I do get pregnant, even if it kind of causes issues for them visiting. I still feel a little guilty though, but at the moment there's really nothing to tell her. Sure, we're TTC, but we don't have any actual news yet so I don't really see the point of telling people that. Plus, it would only add to the stress if people were asking all the time how it's going!!!!!

Intro

My husband and I are trying to conceive our first baby, so I figured I'd start a blog to chart our journey!

So far we're in the very early stages of 'trying' - I came off my birth control pills on May 21st. At the moment we're just having fun seeing what happens - we're hoping that I'll get pregnant of course, but not doing any crazy charting or temperature-taking or timings... The reason for that is mainly because my cycle is still messed up from being on birth control, but also because we don't want to get really stressed about baby-making. We figure if we relax about it then maybe it's more likely to happen. Of course we don't know yet if our theory will work, but it does mean that we can make love without it feeling like a robotic act! :)

I've been having cramps on and off for the past couple of weeks, which I figure is part of my body getting back to 'normal' after birth control. I suspect I may be ovulating around now, because since last night I've had lots and lots of cervical mucous (gross, I know!) and apparently that's a sign of ovulation. If that's the case, we could well be making a baby this month! I don't really expect to become pregnant this quickly but I'm hoping that I will, even if the chances are relatively small. If I'm ovulating now, then I should get my period in about 2 weeks (give or take a couple of days). I'm working on the assumption that my cycles should be 28 days but they could be shorter or longer, I have no idea! My periods used to be really regular before birth control but that was quite a while ago, so I don't know what they'll do now.

We're not anticipating problems with our fertility, but you just never know. I've never tried to get pregnant before, I've only ever tried not to, so now that we're trying to conceive it feels a little strange I must admit! I'm both excited and nervous at the same time, which I assume is natural! :)

One thing I'm finding hard is not telling people we're trying to get pregnant... On the one hand I want to tell everyone, but the sensible side of me knows it's not a good idea. I mean, it would just add to the stress if people were always asking if I'm pregnant yet. I know for a fact that we can't tell my in-laws because they're so looking forward to being grandparents and I know my mother-in-law would ask about it all the time! Hubby and I agreed not to tell her that I've come off birth control, so she won't be tempted to enquire about my pregnancy status constantly!

The only person I've told is one of my friends who had a baby 6 weeks ago, because she'd emailed me and said at the end, "If you're thinking about having babies I'd definitely recommend it!" - so I told her. I kind of want to tell my own parents but again, I think it could potentially add to the stress. I think it's better to tell them when there's actually something to tell them - when we have a confirmed pregnancy. I think we'd tell our parents as soon as it's been confirmed, by blood test and/or ultrasound. I know a lot of people wait until they're at least 12 weeks along before announcing it to people, and I do agree with that, but when it comes to your parents it's a little different. I'd want their support if, God forbid, anything were to go wrong. Hopefully we'll never be in that situation, but you never know. As for everyone else, I'd want to tell 2 or 3 friends I think, but that would be it until later on. The friends I'd want to tell are friends who already have their kids, not the ones who don't. I don't know why but I'm thinking it's probably because they'll understand more and I'll probably be able to get good advice and support from them. Somewhat ironically, they're not my best friends either, but they are very good friends.

Of course all of this might change once we actually are expecting, I might want to tell my best friends too. Judging by how I feel now, wanting to tell people we're just trying, I probably will! What can I say? It's an exciting time! :)