Saturday, November 26, 2011

Seriously bummed... :(

My period started today. I'm actually in shock. Today I was 9dpo, it shouldn't have started until Thursday (12/1) because my LP is always 13 days. I really don't understand what's going on. My temp was down just below coverline this morning, but I thought that maybe I slept with my mouth open or the covers kicked off. When I saw the spotting around noon, I was really surprised but thought it could maybe be implantation bleeding. I thought that at the worst, I might get my period in a couple of days. It started this evening though. I'm totally gutted, it just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

It seems to me that as time goes on, my cycles get crazier and crazier. It's so weird. My first cycle charting, I ovulated on CD22. The next cycle was anovulatory (we moved house and it was stressful). The cycle after that I ovulated on CD24, and this last cycle I ovulated on CD28. It seems to be later each time. All of my cycles where I ovulated had 13 day LPs, except this last one. I just don't know what to think now.

I'm starting to wonder if this just isn't going to happen for us. I know we've only been trying for 6 months, but at the rate things seem to be going, I dread to think what my next few cycles will bring. I was doing so well at not getting stressed with TTC during my last cycle - how can I not be stressed about this cycle, knowing that if I even ovulate, my LP might just be 8 friggin' days again which is way too short to sustain a pregnancy even if we did catch the egg.

Ugh, this whole thing sucks. I want to be pregnant so badly and I'm so scared that there's a major problem with me. I feel like such a failure because my body won't do what it's supposed to do. I know it's kind of irrational, because it's not like this is something I can really control, but I feel as though I'm failing my hubby and myself by not getting pregnant. It's not even only the "not being pregnant" thing that's bothering me - not ovulating in a timely manner and now having this ridiculously short LP is what's really bothering me right now. I know that the chance of conception with perfect timing etc. is only around 20% per cycle, but even if we did catch the egg this last time, an 8 day LP just isn't good enough for it to implant. So yeah, I feel like a failure.

I'm just a mess at the moment.

No comments:

Post a Comment