Seriously bummed... :(

My period started today. I'm actually in shock. Today I was 9dpo, it shouldn't have started until Thursday (12/1) because my LP is always 13 days. I really don't understand what's going on. My temp was down just below coverline this morning, but I thought that maybe I slept with my mouth open or the covers kicked off. When I saw the spotting around noon, I was really surprised but thought it could maybe be implantation bleeding. I thought that at the worst, I might get my period in a couple of days. It started this evening though. I'm totally gutted, it just doesn't make any sense to me at all.

It seems to me that as time goes on, my cycles get crazier and crazier. It's so weird. My first cycle charting, I ovulated on CD22. The next cycle was anovulatory (we moved house and it was stressful). The cycle after that I ovulated on CD24, and this last cycle I ovulated on CD28. It seems to be later each time. All of my cycles where I ovulated had 13 day LPs, except this last one. I just don't know what to think now.

I'm starting to wonder if this just isn't going to happen for us. I know we've only been trying for 6 months, but at the rate things seem to be going, I dread to think what my next few cycles will bring. I was doing so well at not getting stressed with TTC during my last cycle - how can I not be stressed about this cycle, knowing that if I even ovulate, my LP might just be 8 friggin' days again which is way too short to sustain a pregnancy even if we did catch the egg.

Ugh, this whole thing sucks. I want to be pregnant so badly and I'm so scared that there's a major problem with me. I feel like such a failure because my body won't do what it's supposed to do. I know it's kind of irrational, because it's not like this is something I can really control, but I feel as though I'm failing my hubby and myself by not getting pregnant. It's not even only the "not being pregnant" thing that's bothering me - not ovulating in a timely manner and now having this ridiculously short LP is what's really bothering me right now. I know that the chance of conception with perfect timing etc. is only around 20% per cycle, but even if we did catch the egg this last time, an 8 day LP just isn't good enough for it to implant. So yeah, I feel like a failure.

I'm just a mess at the moment.

Some good news!

No, I didn't ovulate. I did get my period though, so thank goodness for that! I'm sooo glad that stupid 42 day anovulatory cycle is over, it was so frustrating. Hopefully the reason I didn't ovulate was because of the stress of moving house, and I'll have a normal cycle this time. Fingers crossed, anyway.

I'm just really happy that my cycle was only a week longer than usual, and not something ridiculous like 150 days long, lol. I know it was a wasted cycle because I didn't ovulate, but at least it's done with now and we can start trying again. Deep down I knew that it would probably be a bad cycle for TTC, but we tried anyway of course. Maybe this cycle will be the one :-)

Officially out, starting over today

I just got my period... I knew it was coming, but it still sucks anyway. So my LP was 11 days, which isn't horrendous but I'd rather it was 12+ because that's what people seem to think is best. Maybe it's partly due to recently coming off of the Pill, maybe it'll get longer. I hope so, anyway. This cycle was 33 days, my last one was 35, so maybe it's going to continue to get shorter until it gets to be a more acceptable length!

On a positive note, CD1 (today) is August 1st - so it'll be super easy for me to remember what cycle day I'm on... I'm trying to find a silver lining!