We're loving going to the gym! We went Wednesday (30 mins), Thursday (1 hour), Saturday night (30 mins) and yesterday (1 hour). We have our official gym induction tomorrow so we'll be there again.
While we were at the gym on Thursday, someone (or some people) tried to break into our next-door neighbor's house. They pried a couple of the window screens off to try and open the windows; they tried to get in the back doors using a crowbar; they messed with the electricity box (pulled out one of the wires) and they stole the circuit breaker (or something like that) from the A/C box. He didn't realize anything was amiss until the A/C wasn't working properly - when he went to investigate, he found the bent window screens on the ground and everything else. He's a single dad of a 9 year old son, and the kid is understandably freaked out by all of this. Hell, I'm freaked out and it wasn't our house they tried to get into.
We'd been talking about getting a security door for a while, and Thursday's events prompted us to get the ball rolling. We ordered it Friday, and it's supposed to take about a month to be built and installed. I hope it'll be ready sooner than that, though. I know the chances are nobody is going to try to get in the front door, but it'll make everything much easier generally - we'll be able to answer the door without first having to round up the dogs, for one. Also, we'll be able to air the house out without the dogs getting loose.
We also started using our house alarm. We'd never used it before, but it makes sense to since it's here! I know nothing will stop someone who's really determined to get in, but it might just deter someone. It's LOUD!
Yesterday was Mother's Day, of course. It was kind of a sad day for me, but I hope that next year it'll be better. My hubby has his doctor appointment on Wednesday, so hopefully he'll get a referral for a SA. My period came on Friday so that cycle ended up being 29 days - the shortest since we started TTC. My LP was 12 days, which I'm not too worried about but last time it was 15 and it's usually 13, so I don't know what's going on really. I sometimes wonder if it's a problem that I start spotting a few days before my period starts, but I guess I'll find out when I get tested (probably in 2-3 months time if I'm still not pregnant by then). Today is CD4 so hopefully I'll ovulate in around 2 weeks time. I know that when my hubby gets his SA done he'll need to abstain for 2-3 days beforehand, so depending on appointment availability he may need to wait until after I ovulate to get the test done. If he can get it done by CD14, great. If not, then it'll have to be after O.
Part of me thinks we should just not try this month. Partly because maybe we could use a break, but also because my mom and step-dad are coming to visit in February. They're arriving 2/22 and leaving 3/8. If I were to get pregnant this cycle, my EDD would be around the middle of February. Some people would think "great timing, how wonderful!" but I don't! We've already talked about it (months ago) and decided that when we eventually have a baby, we don't want any house-guests around. My mom and step-dad are staying with us, and that would drive me crazy if I was about to give birth or had just given birth. I don't mind having guests at a 'normal' time, but I can only imagine how stressful it would be trying to 'entertain' guests while sleep-deprived and in pain, trying to establish a routine with the baby, learning to breastfeed, etc. It would be a very bad thing having guests at that time.
The part of me that thinks we should maybe take a break from trying is smaller than the part of me that thinks "chances are it won't happen anyway, so we may as well try. Plus, what if this is our month?" Hmmm. I don't know what to do really. I guess if I do get pregnant this cycle, we can tell my mom they'll have to stay in a hotel. I guess that would probably be rude, but surely they'd understand? There's plenty of time between now and then for them to organize a hotel, it's not like it's next week or anything. Why am I even thinking about this, anyway? More likely than not, we won't have anything to work out because the chances of me getting pregnant this month are probably as good as they have been for the past year - nothing's happened yet, so why would it all of a sudden happen now? Pessimistic I know, but when I get my hopes up it hurts more when I don't get pregnant.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Changes for the better
Yesterday we went and joined the gym. We managed to fit in a 30 minute workout, which isn't as much as I'd have liked but by the time we'd been to the store (I needed some sneakers and we both needed shorts!), then signed up at the gym, it was close to 5 p.m. We're going again today when my hubby finishes work, and this time we'll probably be there for an hour or so. We both felt better after our short workout yesterday, so going regularly will definitely help.
I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.
As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.
This probably sounds terrible, but I'm glad that I haven't heard from my cousin and his wife since they announced their new pregnancy. I can really do without her going on about "how much worse everything is when you're pregnant" - said with a smug smile. Hmmm. They don't know anything about us TTC, but comments like that are a bit of a blow right now. Rationally I know that comment was nothing, but it irked me. Kind of like when people say stuff like "you wouldn't know since you don't have kids", etc. Like I need reminding of that!
Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?
Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.
I'm eating healthier now too - more fruit and less of the "bad" stuff. I don't know if the exercise or healthier eating will make a difference to us having a baby, but they're good steps to take anyway.
As for this cycle... it's virtually over now. My temp dropped drastically this morning so I think my period will start either tomorrow or Saturday.
Luckily nobody has really asked me recently when we're planning on having kids. I hate that question and all variations of it! The only person who's asked is my grandma, and that was when I called her about 5 weeks ago. If I still had a relationship with my narcissist dad, he'd be harping on about it every couple of weeks. "No exciting news, then?" - very subtle, huh?
Only a couple of close friends know we're TTC, and they know it's kind of a sensitive subject and don't bring it up unless I do first. I haven't even told my mom we're TTC! I don't really know why, because she's nothing like my dad and wouldn't be a pain about it, but I think I just don't want to tell her. Is that weird? Maybe part of it is that I think she might tell other people, like my aunt or my stepdad, and that would piss me off. Plus, she'd probably tell me "it'll happen when the time's right" or "relax and it'll happen", or even "you've got loads of time, don't worry about it!". First off, I'm 28 and my hubby is 30 - I know we're not past it yet, but ideally we'd like to have 2 or 3 kids so we want to have one soon. I don't want to be having kids late, really. Secondly, my mom was 24 when she had me and my parents only tried for 6 months. They never had any other kids, but I don't know why. I don't know if they just didn't want any more, or if they tried and weren't able to have another. I don't really feel like asking, honestly - it would feel rude.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Exactly 11 months of TTC: thinking about possible options.
I hate to sound pessimistic, but I'm pretty convinced that this cycle is a bust like all the rest. Today is 11 dpo and I started spotting yesterday. I got a BFN when I tested yesterday. I didn't test today as the spotting is still there and it seemed like a waste of a test. My period is due Saturday (5/12) if my LP is its usual 13 days, so it won't be long now. I have a feeling my LP might end up being shorter this time because the spotting started earlier than usual. Normally it starts at 11 or 12 dpo, but it started at 10 dpo this time. My chart still looks OK, I guess, but the spotting is a pretty good indicator that we haven't been successful.
I'm going to be honest and say that yesterday was a terrible day for me. I just felt so low about the whole thing. I snapped at my hubby and then cried my eyes out. I really don't like what this process is doing to me, sometimes I can be such a bitch. I just feel like a total failure and this whole thing just hurts so much. For as long as I can remember I've wanted so much to be a mommy, and when we started our TTC journey I never imagined that at this point I wouldn't be pregnant. We know when I ovulate and we time things well every single cycle. I can't help but think there's something wrong, you know? I'm 28 and my hubby is 30. We don't have any medical issues as far as we know. We don't smoke, we hardly ever drink (we might have a couple of glasses of wine right at the beginning of my cycle when I don't temp, but that's it). I've been taking Mucinex for a few months around my fertile time to improve my cervical mucus and we started using Pre-Seed this cycle. We're going to join a gym today and we'll aim to go 3 times a week. Other than that I don't know what else we can really do to improve our chances.
Anyway, my hubby has made an appointment with his doctor for next week to get a referral for a semen analysis. It seems like the obvious thing to do, since it's non-invasive. I'll obviously need to get tested too, but at least if we know there are no sperm issues that's a start. Of course the SA could come back with bad results, but if that's the case we'd be better off knowing. If he's sterile (which I doubt, but who knows right?) then I can stop this crazy cycle of ups and downs. I'd be able to stop charting and all of that, because really what would be the point in that case? I honestly believe if either of us has a fertility issue it will be something wrong with me rather than him, but at least the SA will shed some light on things. There's every chance it'll come back great, and I really hope it does. We're both as prepared as we can be that it might not, though.
We've already discussed what our options might be if his SA is awful, and decided that we probably wouldn't want to use donor sperm if it came down to that. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I think I'm mostly worried that my hubby wouldn't be able to handle it if I was pregnant and it technically wasn't his baby. Plus, I really want for us to have a baby that's part of us both.
If it transpires that IVF is our only option, I don't know what we'll do. We can't afford it (it costs approx. $16,000 per cycle, maybe even more). My issue with IVF is this: when do you stop? Wouldn't you just feel like "maybe the next cycle will work"? You'd have invested so much emotionally and financially, that you might not want to stop until you ended up with a baby. That could end up costing more than our house! Like I said, we couldn't really afford it anyway. If it was 100% guaranteed, then we'd probably make it work. Sadly, the odds are generally much lower than that.
We've talked about adoption and I did a little bit of research yesterday, but it sounds quite daunting. Apparently for every healthy baby up for adoption in the US, there are 40 couples waiting to adopt. Yikes. It can also cost up to $40,000, which is beyond our reach. The website I looked at tried to make the cost seem better by saying something along the lines of "any method of having a baby costs money - hospital bills etc." While this is true, there's this thing called insurance and ours covers virtually everything pregnancy and delivery related. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't cover anything to do with adoption! Plus, adoption opens a whole other can of worms. Some people who were adopted don't have a problem with it, while others have a whole host of issues because of it.
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here: as far as we know, neither of us have any fertility problems. If one (or both) of us are found to have issues, they might be easily treated. There's a good chance we'll never need to consider IVF or adoption. I guess I just need to get my thoughts out at the moment!
I think joining the gym will do us both good, it'll be a great outlet for our frustrations. Back in the UK I loved going to the gym: I'd go 4 or 5 times a week. It helped - at that time, hubby (then fiancé) and I were more than 5,000 miles apart and it kept me busy.
I sometimes feel as though my hubby doesn't feel the way I do about our lack of pregnancy, but after talking to him last night I think it's just that he's better at hiding his feelings than I am. He's probably almost as disappointed as I am about the whole thing, but he doesn't get emotional like I do. I get it, in some ways it's not so real for men as it is for women. He's not the one having awful periods, feeling like everyone else is pregnant, charting, taking 2 different vitamins every day, taking Mucinex, using Pre-Seed, monitoring potential symptoms, taking pregnancy tests, etc. There's a quote out there that says something like this: a woman becomes a mother as soon as she finds out she's pregnant; men become fathers when the baby is born. There may be some truth to that, because it's not the guy who experiences pregnancy first-hand.
I really want the whole package - I want to be pregnant and experience the whole thing. I know it's not glamorous, and sometimes pregnancy is downright uncomfortable and annoying. I want to have that, though: to know our baby is growing in my tummy, to go to scans and see the baby on the screen, to give birth... all of it. I really hope it'll happen for us soon.
I'm going to be honest and say that yesterday was a terrible day for me. I just felt so low about the whole thing. I snapped at my hubby and then cried my eyes out. I really don't like what this process is doing to me, sometimes I can be such a bitch. I just feel like a total failure and this whole thing just hurts so much. For as long as I can remember I've wanted so much to be a mommy, and when we started our TTC journey I never imagined that at this point I wouldn't be pregnant. We know when I ovulate and we time things well every single cycle. I can't help but think there's something wrong, you know? I'm 28 and my hubby is 30. We don't have any medical issues as far as we know. We don't smoke, we hardly ever drink (we might have a couple of glasses of wine right at the beginning of my cycle when I don't temp, but that's it). I've been taking Mucinex for a few months around my fertile time to improve my cervical mucus and we started using Pre-Seed this cycle. We're going to join a gym today and we'll aim to go 3 times a week. Other than that I don't know what else we can really do to improve our chances.
Anyway, my hubby has made an appointment with his doctor for next week to get a referral for a semen analysis. It seems like the obvious thing to do, since it's non-invasive. I'll obviously need to get tested too, but at least if we know there are no sperm issues that's a start. Of course the SA could come back with bad results, but if that's the case we'd be better off knowing. If he's sterile (which I doubt, but who knows right?) then I can stop this crazy cycle of ups and downs. I'd be able to stop charting and all of that, because really what would be the point in that case? I honestly believe if either of us has a fertility issue it will be something wrong with me rather than him, but at least the SA will shed some light on things. There's every chance it'll come back great, and I really hope it does. We're both as prepared as we can be that it might not, though.
We've already discussed what our options might be if his SA is awful, and decided that we probably wouldn't want to use donor sperm if it came down to that. I just don't think I'd be comfortable with it. I think I'm mostly worried that my hubby wouldn't be able to handle it if I was pregnant and it technically wasn't his baby. Plus, I really want for us to have a baby that's part of us both.
If it transpires that IVF is our only option, I don't know what we'll do. We can't afford it (it costs approx. $16,000 per cycle, maybe even more). My issue with IVF is this: when do you stop? Wouldn't you just feel like "maybe the next cycle will work"? You'd have invested so much emotionally and financially, that you might not want to stop until you ended up with a baby. That could end up costing more than our house! Like I said, we couldn't really afford it anyway. If it was 100% guaranteed, then we'd probably make it work. Sadly, the odds are generally much lower than that.
We've talked about adoption and I did a little bit of research yesterday, but it sounds quite daunting. Apparently for every healthy baby up for adoption in the US, there are 40 couples waiting to adopt. Yikes. It can also cost up to $40,000, which is beyond our reach. The website I looked at tried to make the cost seem better by saying something along the lines of "any method of having a baby costs money - hospital bills etc." While this is true, there's this thing called insurance and ours covers virtually everything pregnancy and delivery related. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't cover anything to do with adoption! Plus, adoption opens a whole other can of worms. Some people who were adopted don't have a problem with it, while others have a whole host of issues because of it.
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here: as far as we know, neither of us have any fertility problems. If one (or both) of us are found to have issues, they might be easily treated. There's a good chance we'll never need to consider IVF or adoption. I guess I just need to get my thoughts out at the moment!
I think joining the gym will do us both good, it'll be a great outlet for our frustrations. Back in the UK I loved going to the gym: I'd go 4 or 5 times a week. It helped - at that time, hubby (then fiancé) and I were more than 5,000 miles apart and it kept me busy.
I sometimes feel as though my hubby doesn't feel the way I do about our lack of pregnancy, but after talking to him last night I think it's just that he's better at hiding his feelings than I am. He's probably almost as disappointed as I am about the whole thing, but he doesn't get emotional like I do. I get it, in some ways it's not so real for men as it is for women. He's not the one having awful periods, feeling like everyone else is pregnant, charting, taking 2 different vitamins every day, taking Mucinex, using Pre-Seed, monitoring potential symptoms, taking pregnancy tests, etc. There's a quote out there that says something like this: a woman becomes a mother as soon as she finds out she's pregnant; men become fathers when the baby is born. There may be some truth to that, because it's not the guy who experiences pregnancy first-hand.
I really want the whole package - I want to be pregnant and experience the whole thing. I know it's not glamorous, and sometimes pregnancy is downright uncomfortable and annoying. I want to have that, though: to know our baby is growing in my tummy, to go to scans and see the baby on the screen, to give birth... all of it. I really hope it'll happen for us soon.
Monday, May 7, 2012
9 dpo today
I haven't had any further spotting or bleeding since my last post. It lasted for that one day (6 dpo) and that's it. This morning I tested and it was negative, which isn't too surprising since today is only 9 dpo. I should've waited, really. I guess I'll test again in a couple of days at 11 dpo. Who knows how long my LP will be this time... my last one was 15 days but it's usually 13. I'll just have to watch my temperatures and see what happens!
I've been having a lot of left-sided cramping and some back pain, which I read is a good sign, but at this point I've had almost every "pregnancy" symptom in the book at one point or another so I'm not really getting my hopes up too much! I'd like to think that it'll be our turn, but I need to be realistic too. In 2 days we'll have been TTC for 11 months, and each of my previous cycles has ended in major disappointment. That's not to say it's impossible for this cycle to have a different outcome: just that after all this time I'm so used to seeing BFNs and being disappointed that I can't invest too much in the idea that I could actually get a BFP.
My chart still looks pretty good and I'm not worried about my temp dropping this morning. There's every chance it could go back up tomorrow. Even if it doesn't, it's still way above my pre-ovulation temps so it's still OK.
I've been having a lot of left-sided cramping and some back pain, which I read is a good sign, but at this point I've had almost every "pregnancy" symptom in the book at one point or another so I'm not really getting my hopes up too much! I'd like to think that it'll be our turn, but I need to be realistic too. In 2 days we'll have been TTC for 11 months, and each of my previous cycles has ended in major disappointment. That's not to say it's impossible for this cycle to have a different outcome: just that after all this time I'm so used to seeing BFNs and being disappointed that I can't invest too much in the idea that I could actually get a BFP.
My chart still looks pretty good and I'm not worried about my temp dropping this morning. There's every chance it could go back up tomorrow. Even if it doesn't, it's still way above my pre-ovulation temps so it's still OK.
Anyway I need to do the dishes, make bread and generally clean the house. Fun times! ;)
Friday, May 4, 2012
6 dpo and a little confused!
So I don't really know what's going on, but I'm having some bleeding today. TMI - it's bright red and maybe a little watery. My chart still looks really good - my temp is still high. It's just kind of strange, and it came as a total shock.
Of course I'm hoping that it could be implantation bleeding; that's one possible explanation, anyway. I don't know what else it could be, but I really hope that I'm not going to have another cycle with a ridiculously short luteal phase. I looked at my chart for the cycle where my LP was only 8 days (5 days shorter than usual) and it doesn't look anything like my current cycle, so hopefully my LP isn't going to be an issue this time.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the bleeding/spotting could be a good sign - that's about all I can do right now anyway!
Of course I'm hoping that it could be implantation bleeding; that's one possible explanation, anyway. I don't know what else it could be, but I really hope that I'm not going to have another cycle with a ridiculously short luteal phase. I looked at my chart for the cycle where my LP was only 8 days (5 days shorter than usual) and it doesn't look anything like my current cycle, so hopefully my LP isn't going to be an issue this time.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the bleeding/spotting could be a good sign - that's about all I can do right now anyway!
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Excited!
I ovulated 3 days ago, on CD17! Wow. I wasn't expecting that to happen - previously the earliest I've ovulated was CD19, and it's usually around CD21-23 (and has been as late as CD28) so this is amazing! My temp spiked Sunday morning by 0.9ºF, and it's still in the higher range. Saturday (ovulation day) I had spotting which I guess was related to ovulation. We used Pre-Seed CD15, CD17 and CD18. Our timing was very good this time, too. I feel positive at the moment, but I know nothing is guaranteed.
Here's my chart:
Maybe this time I'll get my BFP! :)
Here's my chart:
Maybe this time I'll get my BFP! :)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Trying a new approach
Last night we were shopping at Target and I grabbed some Pre-Seed. It's something I've thought about trying, and it couldn't hurt. There are lots of women who swear by it, but I know that doesn't guarantee anything. It could work for us, it might not. It's worth a try, though. :)
So, this cycle we're trying:
I started having fertile CM yesterday (CD14) so I started taking Mucinex yesterday and I'll continue until ovulation is confirmed on my chart. When we DTD from now on, we'll use Pre-Seed every time (during my fertile window).
I feel strangely positive at the moment - it's a stark contrast to how I've felt these past couple of weeks. I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking that the Pre-Seed will definitely do anything for us. I just feel optimistic, which is nice. :)
My temp spiked a little this morning, but I don't think I've ovulated yet. I'd be ecstatic if I did ovulate on CD14 though - that would be a miracle for me, LOL. I'd be so happy to ovulate before CD18, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will one of these times...
So, this cycle we're trying:
- BBT charting
- Cervix checking
- B50 complex & prenatal vitamins
- Mucinex
- Pre-Seed
I started having fertile CM yesterday (CD14) so I started taking Mucinex yesterday and I'll continue until ovulation is confirmed on my chart. When we DTD from now on, we'll use Pre-Seed every time (during my fertile window).
I feel strangely positive at the moment - it's a stark contrast to how I've felt these past couple of weeks. I'm not sure exactly why I feel this way, but I do. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thinking that the Pre-Seed will definitely do anything for us. I just feel optimistic, which is nice. :)
My temp spiked a little this morning, but I don't think I've ovulated yet. I'd be ecstatic if I did ovulate on CD14 though - that would be a miracle for me, LOL. I'd be so happy to ovulate before CD18, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will one of these times...
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