12 weeks!

I'm 12 weeks pregnant today! This is a day I feared would never come. So far, all appears to be going well and we're so thankful. In 4 days we'll see our baby on ultrasound for the second time. We're hoping for great news - that our baby still has a strong heartbeat, that he or she has grown appropriately in the 4 weeks between ultrasounds, and that everything looks good. I'm also hoping my SCH has gone away, or at least not grown at all.

Hopefully our baby will be moving around at the scan - I can't wait to see that! Of course we're hoping he/she won't be moving too much for the scan to be completed, though. I hope the ultrasound tech will give us a picture or two, as well.

I finish my progesterone supplements tonight, which admittedly makes me a little nervous, but I think everything will be OK.

As far as symptoms go I'm still tired and I have occasional nausea, but it's nothing bad. I have to say I've been very lucky - I haven't thrown up once. That's pretty unbelievable, because I honestly expected to be constantly sick!

Panic almost over!

What a morning it's been!!!

I called the pharmacy one last time to see if my prescription had miraculously appeared: no.
I then called my OB office, which is supposed to open at 8:30... I spent about 20 minutes trying to get through to them, but got their answering machine which ever-so-helpfully told me to "please call back within normal office hours, 8:30-5:00". I figured they'd forgotten to put their phones on, so I called their other location and asked them if they could call and let them know so I could get through to them. Well, they transferred me to my OB office. I spoke to a lady in the prescriptions department and asked if my prescription had been sent in, because my pharmacy hadn't received anything. She said she would call me back when my OB arrived. This was about 8:50.

I figured I would try to eat something (I've been worried sick since yesterday afternoon, and really didn't have an appetite this morning!) and call them back at 10:00 if I hadn't heard back. Yep, I'm impatient! But considering that this was supposed to have been sorted out yesterday, I want it sorted now!

Luckily at about 9:50, my OB called me. She was honest and told me she'd forgotten to call my prescription in yesterday, and apologized for that. She then said she'd been talking to the RE we saw (just prior to finding out I'm pregnant), and she discussed my progesterone with him. Apparently he thought it would probably be OK (I'm surprised by that!) but he said it wouldn't do any harm to supplement it, especially if it makes me feel better. Yes, it does!!!
Anyway, she said she'd called my prescription for Endometrin in to the pharmacy, and to let her know if there were any problems getting it. I called the pharmacy and they had my prescription - woo-hoo! However, they would have to order it in and it wouldn't arrive until Monday or Tuesday...

I asked about getting it elsewhere and the guy told me if I find it somewhere else, the other pharmacy could call them to get my prescription sent over and that would be fine. I called 2 other pharmacies and they didn't have it, so figured I would most likely have to wait until Monday or Tuesday for it. Then I remembered that there's a pharmacy right next door to the RE office, which I guess is kind of a specialty pharmacy (it's not a regular one, I guess they specialize in fertility stuff). When I finally got through to them, it turns out they have Endometrin in stock and it's not a problem to get it today. It's kind of out of our way compared to other pharmacies, but I'll feel so much better when I get it! I don't know how much it's going to cost, but whatever it is it'll be worth it.

So now I'm just waiting for a call back from this pharmacy, to let me know when I can collect my prescription. Hopefully soon! :)

Stupid chart!

It seems as though yesterday's temp spike was a fluke. I thought it was odd, and today's temp was down again so I'm pretty sure I should just discard yesterday's temp. I think I'll wait and see what happens in the next few days, but it certainly looks off to me! It's weird because I took my temp at the exact same time as usual, the A/C was set the same as usual, we had the same sheet on the bed, I wore the same nightshirt, I slept plenty before temping (and slept well), and I didn't have any alcohol. Oh well!

I'm not sure whether to take Mucinex this cycle or just skip it this time. I've been taking it every cycle since February, and while I'm sure it's not going to do any harm I am wondering if there's any real point in me taking it. I'm also wondering about whether to continue using Pre-Seed... Maybe we should just try "naturally" and see what happens.

My hubby will call the insurance company later today and hopefully resolve the issue of them denying my claims. Everything I've had done should be covered, so they're not getting out of paying!

We went to the gym yesterday, and Sunday too. We're getting back in the habit of going 3-4 times a week (we became slack after our vacation!). We'll go again tomorrow and then probably Saturday and possibly Sunday as well. I like going on the weekend, it's nice and quiet! I always feel better after working out, even if I really didn't want to go to the gym beforehand. Yesterday was one of those days when I didn't feel like going, but I'm so glad we did.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about what treatments we might be willing to do if we're unable to conceive naturally. I've mentioned before that my gynecologist said she would prescribe 3 months of Clomid if I wanted her to, but I'm reluctant to take it at this point in time. I'm worried about it messing up my subsequent cycles, if it doesn't work. I'm also not sure if my gynecologist would monitor me on it, and I know it's probably safe but I'd rather be monitored if I was taking something like that. I read somewhere that you can only take Clomid 12 times in your life, so to do 3 cycles unmonitored seems unwise to me. That's just my opinion, though. It's just that, unmonitored, how do they know if you're responding to it, or if you need a higher (or lower) dose? I'm not saying I'd never take Clomid, I just don't think this is the right time to take it.

We really want a baby, but I can't see us ever doing IVF to have one. It's just so expensive and I don't think I could go through that when the outcome isn't even close to guaranteed. I know many couples will do anything and everything to have a baby, and I'm not knocking them at all, but I don't think we will do that. The more I think about it, the more I feel that we should just see what happens.

The trouble with unexplained infertility is that there are no answers. It's frustrating. We don't have a reason to stop TTC, because technically there's nothing wrong with us and we should be able to conceive. I don't know how long we should keep trying, because every cycle has the potential to be "the one". I don't think I can keep doing this forever, though. If another year passes and we still haven't conceived, then I don't know if I can keep going through this cycle of ups and downs. Right now I'm feeling kind of positive: this cycle is a fresh chance and I'm waiting to ovulate. If nothing happens this time there will be the heartache of another failed cycle, and then there will be a sense of renewed hope next cycle. It's never-ending.

I know I probably sound really depressed at the moment, but I'm actually not. I feel like I'm regaining control of my life, and facing up to the reality that maybe we won't have children. I'm not happy about that prospect, of course, but maybe this is what's meant to be, for some reason or another. Even as I write this, however, there's a little part of me that thinks this cycle could be it! I guess that I can tell myself it's OK all I want, but deep down I hope it doesn't have to be this way.

11DPO

Today marks 11DPO, and I've started spotting a little. Ugh... I'm still kinda hoping it's implantation bleeding, but I'm having a hard time trying to convince myself of that. In my last ovulatory cycle, I started spotting at 11DPO as well. I know that this could technically be implantation bleeding, but really, isn't it too much of a coincidence that I started spotting on the exact same day as before? I guess anything's possible, but I'm inclined to believe that I'm not going to get my BFP this month. :(

It sucks, because this would be a great time to get my BFP. I know that whenever it happens it'll be amazing, but just in time for my hubby's 30th birthday? Yeah, that would be pretty awesome. I realized today that the last time I ovulated (before this time) was July 20th. That's almost 3 months ago! I know my last cycle was messed up by us moving house (at least, I'm pretty sure it was the stress from the move that prevented ovulation) but it feels like such a long time. I know that some women have serious trouble ovulating at all, so I don't want to sound like a whiney bitch, but I just wish I had regular 28 day cycles! I know it's only about 5 months since I stopped taking birth control pills, so my body might still be regulating itself, but long cycles really do suck. My shortest so far has been 35 days, the longest (my anovulatory one) was 42. I have heard of some women having cycles of 100+ days though, so maybe I should just be grateful for what I have. There's always someone worse off, right?

I tested again this morning - BFN (of course). It could still be too early, I guess. Or, more likely, I'm just not getting pregnant this month!

Anyway, for what it's worth, here's my chart. I'm pretty sure this won't be my BFP cycle, but technically I'm not out until my period shows. I still have a glimmer of hope, at least for now! :)

10-11 DPO

Well, I still have a lot of the same symptoms I've had the last few days (or longer). The only difference today is that I'm cramping and I kinda feel like I'm gonna get my period. I really, really hope that I'm wrong about that, though. Fingers crossed it won't happen and I'll still get to test on Saturday. I think I could probably test tomorrow, actually, but I don't want to keep wasting tests and if I test too early then it's a waste!

I guess this is how TTC is going to be - lots of waiting and wondering, analyzing every little symptom...

It's still possible that the cramping I'm having is related to implantation, but every time I go to the bathroom I kinda expect the wait to be over for this month.

Well, it's not over yet, so there's still hope I guess! It feels as though hope is fading, but if I do just get my period instead of a BFP then it's not all bad - at least it means I'll be getting back to 'normal' after my BCPs. I'm still gonna be majorly disappointed, though!

9-10 DPO

I've still got the same symptoms I was having before, so I'm still hopeful that maybe I'll get a BFP on Saturday!

Today I had at least 3-4 episodes of nausea, one was really bad while I was doing the dishes this evening. I seem to feel worse when I haven't eaten for a while. I have a slight headache and I'm still very gassy/bloated. I also had some lower back pain earlier on, it didn't last very long but it was noticeable. I had some twinges in my pelvis, but nothing too bad. I seem to be producing a lot of saliva at the moment, it's odd. I think sometimes that I have a slight metallic taste in my mouth too, but I'm not 100% sure on that one. I hope that these are genuine symptoms and not my body messing with me, just because I want to be pregnant... I know that can happen but I seriously hope that's not the case with me. The symptoms I'm having are very real, they're not in my head, but I know sometimes our bodies can play tricks on us!

I think I'm 9 DPO, although I could be 10. I'm going to test on Saturday morning, hopefully by then I'll be able to get a positive HPT if I'm pregnant. If it's negative, then I'll re-test 3 days later if I still haven't gotten my period. Obviously I'm hoping that I won't need to do any re-tests - fingers crossed the one on Saturday will be a BFP! If not then it's not officially 'over' until I get my period, so there's still hope!

I'm so tired right now, I think I'm gonna have to go to bed. It's only 9.20 p.m! Ah well, I need my sleep I guess.

Another post

Oh gosh, I'm posting a lot here today! Ah well.

So, I used an online calculator and if we conceived this month (conception date would be June 12th or 13th) then our baby would be due at the beginning of March next year (4th or 5th). That would make our 'hopeful estimated due date' (HEDD) 3/4/12 or 3/5/12.

I'm so hoping that we're going to get a positive result when I test...