Pretty sure I'm out this cycle...

I'm still spotting (light brown) but my BBT this morning was down to 97.9ºF which is 0.3 lower than yesterday, and 0.7 lower than Saturday... I know that technically you're not out until your period comes, but I'm pretty sure I'm out this cycle. For the hell of it I took another test this morning, which was BFN as expected.

I've just been over to the Babycenter.com forum and a few of the people who were having the exact same symptoms as I was got their BFPs today or yesterday, so I'm pretty bummed about everything. I mean I'm happy for those people, but sad for me. I feel like crying right now: I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up, but I guess I really did. Everything seemed to be timed just right, I was having promising symptoms, and I'm not pregnant. I think TTC really messes with your head. I was definitely having the symptoms I recorded, they weren't in my head, I know that - but now I just feel so silly for thinking I could actually be pregnant. I also feel silly for feeling sad, because this was our first cycle trying properly and I know it's unusual for it to happen right away, but I really hoped it would.

Oh well, hopefully this next cycle will be the one. And hopefully I won't have to wait 22 friggin' days to ovulate this time...

Uh-oh... (TMI warning!)

This afternoon I started having some spotting... At first it was pink/almost red in color but then it became brown and now there's virtually nothing there. Nothing has made it to my pad, it's only when I wipe that I see it.

I'm really hoping that this isn't a sign of my period coming... Hopefully it's implantation bleeding rather than pre-period spotting. I'm really worried though, I must admit. On the one hand, the spotting coincides with the dip in my temperature this morning, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything - it could be an implantation dip or could be because my period is coming. I'm really hoping my LP is at least 12 days though, and if my period comes today or tomorrow then it won't be (if it comes today, my LP will only be 10 days; if it comes tomorrow, my LP will be 11 days). I'm also concerned that all the cramping I've been having would be 'unexplained' if I'm not pregnant! I mean, why would I cramp for all this time otherwise? Normally I have horrendous cramping during my period and around ovulation, but not for pretty much the whole 2 week wait! The most obvious reason I'm worried is because I'll be really disappointed if we haven't conceived this time (which is kinda silly because we haven't been trying very long at all).

Stating the obvious, my hope is that the spotting is in fact implantation bleeding and that I'll get a BFP in a couple of days when there's enough hCG in my system. Failing that, I hope my period will at least hold off another couple of days so I can rest easy about my LP length.

Ugh... TTC is most definitely an emotional rollercoaster, that's for sure.

8 DPO

I tested this morning, and...

BFN! *sigh*

Completely as expected, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed about it! Silly me, I know. Anyway, I'll test again in 2 days (Saturday, when I'll be 10 DPO). I really hope I am pregnant and just tested too early! :-)

Just as well those Wondfos are so damn cheap, it looks like I'll be getting through a whole bunch of them every month if it takes us a while to conceive! lol.

Blah!

This morning I took a HPT, kind of reluctantly, and it was as I expected - BFN.

I kind of wish I hadn't bothered, it's so disappointing to see a negative. I'm not testing again for at least another week.

Vivid dream

I woke up this morning after having a really vivid, real-feeling dream. I dreamt that I'd taken another HPT this morning, after the one yesterday evening which was negative, and the one this morning (in my dream) was most definitely positive. It felt so real that when I woke up I was really sad to realize it was only a dream :-(

It was crazy - there were loads of little details which made it all the more real, such as me wanting to call my dad but realizing that he was at a concert this evening (he is) and wanting to call my mom but realizing she would be out too (she would be). The dream even accounted for the 8 hour time difference between here and the UK, where I'm from and where my family still live!

I was so over-the-moon happy in my dream, so was my hubby. It really felt like a cruel joke this morning, I must say. I know it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but I cried my eyes out all the same. I was almost tempted to take another HPT this morning but I knew that my dream couldn't mean anything really so I resisted. It would be nice if such a dream could be my body telling me something, but I doubt it!

I feel so emotional right now, I could cry all day I think. I actually woke up thinking it was real, the dream was that vivid. Crazy, huh? And oh-so upsetting...

:-(

10-11 DPO

Well, I still have a lot of the same symptoms I've had the last few days (or longer). The only difference today is that I'm cramping and I kinda feel like I'm gonna get my period. I really, really hope that I'm wrong about that, though. Fingers crossed it won't happen and I'll still get to test on Saturday. I think I could probably test tomorrow, actually, but I don't want to keep wasting tests and if I test too early then it's a waste!

I guess this is how TTC is going to be - lots of waiting and wondering, analyzing every little symptom...

It's still possible that the cramping I'm having is related to implantation, but every time I go to the bathroom I kinda expect the wait to be over for this month.

Well, it's not over yet, so there's still hope I guess! It feels as though hope is fading, but if I do just get my period instead of a BFP then it's not all bad - at least it means I'll be getting back to 'normal' after my BCPs. I'm still gonna be majorly disappointed, though!

9-10 DPO

I've still got the same symptoms I was having before, so I'm still hopeful that maybe I'll get a BFP on Saturday!

Today I had at least 3-4 episodes of nausea, one was really bad while I was doing the dishes this evening. I seem to feel worse when I haven't eaten for a while. I have a slight headache and I'm still very gassy/bloated. I also had some lower back pain earlier on, it didn't last very long but it was noticeable. I had some twinges in my pelvis, but nothing too bad. I seem to be producing a lot of saliva at the moment, it's odd. I think sometimes that I have a slight metallic taste in my mouth too, but I'm not 100% sure on that one. I hope that these are genuine symptoms and not my body messing with me, just because I want to be pregnant... I know that can happen but I seriously hope that's not the case with me. The symptoms I'm having are very real, they're not in my head, but I know sometimes our bodies can play tricks on us!

I think I'm 9 DPO, although I could be 10. I'm going to test on Saturday morning, hopefully by then I'll be able to get a positive HPT if I'm pregnant. If it's negative, then I'll re-test 3 days later if I still haven't gotten my period. Obviously I'm hoping that I won't need to do any re-tests - fingers crossed the one on Saturday will be a BFP! If not then it's not officially 'over' until I get my period, so there's still hope!

I'm so tired right now, I think I'm gonna have to go to bed. It's only 9.20 p.m! Ah well, I need my sleep I guess.

Lots of symptoms!

According to www.countdowntopregnancy.com, the most common signs of pregnancy at 7 DPO (which I think I am today) are as follows:

1. Fatigue/exhaustion
2. Gas/flatulence
3. Mild/dull cramps/pressure
4. Bloating
5. Backache
6. Nausea
7. Increased cervical fluid
8. Tender breasts
9. Breasts feel heavy or full
10. Headaches

I definitely have 8 of those - 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9 and 10.

I don't have nausea all the time, but several times a day. I've been having a lot of headaches (before now I didn't really attribute those to possible pregnancy symptoms, but I've had a lot more headaches recently than I usually do). I've been so tired today, but generally for at least a few days now. Number 7 - yes, definitely! As I've mentioned before, I've had a lot of bloating and gas recently. I still feel bloated. I've been having occasional mild cramps, as I've mentioned lots. My breasts haven't been overly tender but my nipples have been on occasion, and my bra has felt tight at times.

Well, I guess I'll find out in about 4 or 5 days when I do a test! I hope this is it, I guess I'm feeling 'cautiously optimistic'. I really hope my body isn't messing with me - to have 8 out of 10 symptoms, which sounds promising, and then just to get my period... Well, that would completely suck!

Keeping my fingers crossed for a BFP!

It's (almost) official - I'm ovulating! :)

I did more research on ovulation and it turns out the type of CM I have (and have had the past 2 days) is the most fertile! Wow, it is ovulation after all! I suspected that I was ovulating, but what I read last night confirmed it for me really. Plus, yesterday I was having left-sided pelvic cramping - during ovulation you can cramp on one side, the side that releases the egg. So that makes sense! :)

Also, nausea can be a symptom that you're about to ovulate - I had a headache and was really nauseous on Saturday and Sunday (Sunday was worse for the nausea, Saturday was worse for the headache).

It sounds silly but I honestly cried a little when I read that - after coming off birth control pills, I had no idea what my cycle would do (I thought it might be months until I ovulated) so knowing that my body is getting back to normal is such a great feeling! It also means that this could be our month to conceive, which would be the best thing ever! I've read though that you only have a 20% chance of getting pregnant with each cycle, so I shouldn't get my hopes up too much because the chances are I'll have them dashed.

A lot of women do pregnancy tests 10-12 days post-ovulation (DPO), so I could probably do one in about 10 days from now. That's before my period should be due, but the test I have is meant to be accurate up to 5 days before your period is due. I think the tests are more likely to be accurate if taken later than 10 DPO, but honestly, by then I'll probably be desperate to find out! Logically I should wait for 2 weeks from now, and if I don't get my period then I should test. I have a feeling I'll probably test a couple of days before then, which should still give me an accurate result anyway. If I get a positive result I don't know what I'll do - laugh? Cry? It would be amazing, seriously amazing!

I know that getting pregnant isn't a guarantee that you'll end up with a baby, there are a lot of things that can go wrong, but it'd be such a fantastic feeling to know my body can do something so awesome. I hope to God that we never have to experience miscarriage or late-stage loss, because we'd be absolutely heartbroken. I know people who have miscarried and it was awful for them. Hopefully I'll be one of the lucky ones who doesn't have to go through that...