Oh my God...

I apologize if this post upsets anybody. That's really not my intention.

Today is 11 dpo. I woke up and lay in bed for a while, trying to decide whether to take a test or not. I almost didn't, but since I haven't had any spotting I thought I'd give it a go and used a cheapy. I couldn't believe my eyes when those 2 pink lines showed up. I'm officially in shock! I really never thought I'd be able to go to my husband and say "I'm pregnant!". I was due to start clomid with my next cycle. I'm so shocked, I don't even know what to do. Fifteen months of BFN after BFN, and now a BFP? For me? OMG. Of course I took a First Response Early Result and that was positive too. Faint, but definitely there. Pink, not an evap or anything. I took another cheapy as well, I don't know why I did that but yep, positive also. OMG! I took about a million photos of the HPTs, of course. It was hard to get good pics, but the lines are definitely there.

As far as symptoms go, I don't feel any different to how I always do after ovulation. My boobs have been a little tender, but that's nothing unusual at this point in my cycle. Other than that, I've been a little bloated and quite gassy (normal for me after O - sorry, TMI.)
I've been tired, but that usually happens after O too. I'm stunned!

I guess the next step is to go in for a beta. I'm shaking right now, I really didn't think this was going to happen for us naturally. I'm so happy, very excited and absolutely terrified too. I know 2 pink lines doesn't always equal a baby, but I'm not letting myself think those thoughts. I need to be calm, and think positive thoughts. I really hope it's a healthy, sticky bean.

My EDD should be somewhere around May 18th, 2013.

If anybody is interested, this is how my chart looks:

Testing starts tomorrow, and other unrelated things!

I deleted my rant about my hubby's job: it looks as though we'll be able to make everything work tomorrow after all. The plan is that when I go to my gynecology appointment he'll get his blood work done, and then later we'll take his sample to the lab for analysis. Fingers crossed it'll work out, anyway!

We went to the gym today and yesterday and did an hour workout each time. We'll take tomorrow off and go again Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday. We both feel a lot better now that we're going to the gym regularly.

I got some good news yesterday: my friend and her family are coming to visit next Easter! They'll be in our state for a little over 2 weeks, it'll be awesome! They wanted to come last year and this year but were unable to afford the trip, but now they've booked for next year so that's something great to look forward to. They'll be staying in a hotel, which is a good thing because honestly we'd struggle a bit with 4 house-guests for that length of time. We'd manage but it would be a shock to the system when it's normally just the 2 of us (plus the pugs!). The husband is allergic to dogs and one of the girls is developing allergies to animals too, so it's definitely in their best interests to stay elsewhere. Plus, they'll probably have a better vacation because they'll be able to do what they want when they want. There are 3 pools at their hotel, too - I'm sure they'll enjoy those!
So we have my mom and step-dad coming to visit (staying with us) from 2/22 through 3/8 next year, then my friends coming from 3/29 through 4/14. Exciting stuff! It's good to have things like that to look forward to.

I ordered some stuff from Amazon on Friday - one of those ovulation detector saliva microscopes, some more HPTs and a book. I was going to order regular OPKs but I figured I'd give the microscope a go, because it's something you can use repeatedly as many times as you want. It was about $28, which I thought was pretty good considering that I could spend $55 on OPKs monthly! This is a one-off purchase so it should be much better value for money. It'll be interesting to see how it is, anyway. It should be arriving around Tuesday, so hopefully it won't be delayed and I'll be able to use it for this cycle. Today is CD10 so I doubt I'm close to ovulating yet; it'll probably be another week at least.

Overall I feel a lot better now than I did last week. I don't know what changed, but I definitely feel more positive. I think it's partly due to the fact that we're being proactive, starting with testing etc. I don't feel worried about my hubby's SA results or his blood work results, because I'm almost certain everything's fine with him. Of course I could be wrong, and I think I'm as prepared as I can be that there could be a problem, but I'm not worrying about it yet. It'll likely be a week before we get his results, so maybe I'll feel apprehensive by that time!

I'm fairly calm about my gynecology appointment too. I'm trying to think positive thoughts - I really don't like doctor appointments but it's something I need to do. I tend to get really anxious when I have appointments (I have no idea why, maybe it's white coat syndrome!). I'm sure it'll be fine though. I hope I'll like the gynecologist and that I'll be able to ask her lots of questions and get good answers. That's all I really want - for her to listen to me and take my concerns seriously. Oh, and to be gentle! LOL.

Family...

Last night we went over to the inlaws' house for dinner, and hubby and his mom went off for a chat about our new house etc. Well, on our way home he told me she'd asked when we were going to give them grandkids, to which he replied "when we're ready". She then said that he should tell me to get off of the pill so we could get started! If only she knew, haha. I'm so glad he didn't let anything slip - I've been off the pill since May but that's really none of her business, right?!

When we decided to start trying for a baby, we also decided not to tell anyone we were trying. We figured that we could do without the constant barrage of questions we'd get (especially from hubby's mom! lol) and that we'd tell people once there was something to tell them - i.e. when I'm actually pregnant. His parents have made no secret of the fact that they can't wait for us to have kids, which is nice in a way, but I know what his mom is like and if she knew we were actually trying then she'd be a nightmare. I can imagine she'd be asking every week (or every few days!) if I'm pregnant yet, and trying to give us unsolicited 'advice' - and since we don't know how long it's going to take for us to conceive, I don't think we could put ourselves in that position. I mean, what if it takes us a year or more? That's why we didn't want to tell people, because it would only add to the stress - and the pressure, honestly.

Anyway, I'm 11 DPO today, having the same symptoms I've been having for a while now including the cramping. Test this morning was negative (again!). It makes me think I'm probably not pregnant this time, but I know I'm not 'out' until I get my period. I had a bit of a dip on my chart today, it was back to 98.2ºF (yesterday was 98.6, the day before 98.3, the previous 4 days 98.2) which I guess could indicate an implantation dip, but I also know that you can get a dip without being pregnant, or be pregnant with no dip. Also, 1 temperature on its own doesn't mean a whole lot usually.

My chart as of today (10 DPO)

It appears that my temperatures are steadily rising... Maybe it'll be a tri-phasic chart. All temps (except for the one on CD3) were taken within 10 minutes of my usual time, the vast majority taken at 5.50 a.m. and the others were taken at 6 a.m. They should all be pretty accurate.

Oh, and I did test again today... It seems I'm a testaholic! Negative as expected. Maybe tomorrow will be a really faint positive, that's what I keep telling myself anyway! :-)

My chart as of today (9 DPO)

Here's my chart as of today, I think it looks pretty good if I do say so myself but I'm only 9 DPO today so anything could happen! Maybe it'll keep rising and become tri-phasic... Not that that guarantees pregnancy or anything, but it's interesting to see!

I'm really hoping I'll get my BFP soon, but if I don't get it this cycle I just hope that my luteal phase is long enough! With all of this cramping I've been having, since 4 DPO, I sometimes wonder if I'm about to get my period. I really hope not! My LP needs to be at least 12 days so here's hoping it will be. Apparently LP length is 14 days on average, with a range of 10-17 days, but doctors consider less than 12 days to be a LP defect so I'm really hoping I don't have that! It's easily treated apparently, but I'd still rather have it be normal of course. :-)

I'm probably going to test again in the morning because who am I kidding... I can't seem to help myself! Lol. Definitely not using one of my FRERs though, Wondfos all the way!

9 DPO

Against my better judgement I tested again this morning... Stupid! Negative. For some daft reason I used a Wondfo and a First Response. I must be crazy! Think I'm going to just test again on Sunday, and leave tomorrow out. Well, that's my plan anyway. Of course, my original plan was to not test today, so we'll see how well it goes! With the Wondfos they're so cheap that it's no biggie if I do overtest, I guess, but the FRERs? Not so much! I think this morning I was just curious if one would pick up a BFP. I won't use another FRER until after my period is due.

Testing tomorrow...

Yikes, I've been such a bitch this evening! I'm in a bad mood apparently, for no real reason. I blame my hormones! Hubby keeps laughing at me, well, not at me but at the situation. He's really getting into the idea of me being pregnant, every time I have some symptom or other he gets excited! It's cute but I don't want him to get his hopes up too high. Of course that's what I'll end up doing though... I just need him to be level-headed to keep my feet on the ground, I guess!

My bra feels tight which is kinda unusual and I'm still having a lot of mild cramping. I really hope that's a good sign...

I'm kinda nervous about testing in the morning. I'm not expecting it to be positive at only 8 DPO but I'm testing anyway. It would be so awesome to see 2 pink lines... The 2 week wait sucks!

CD28 / 7 DPO

I'm 7 DPO today. I'm still having mild cramps, I'm still bloated and gassy and really tired. I can't seem to make it through the day without a nap in the afternoon! My nose is a little stuffy on and off and since last night my nipples have been sensitive. I haven't had any spotting or anything, and my BBT was 98.2ºF again this morning which it's pretty much stayed at since 1 DPO. There was one day, I think 4 DPO, when it was 98.1ºF but that's nothing to worry about.

Of course, all these 'symptoms' could just be my hormones, and not pregnancy hormones. I know it's kinda too early to be having true pregnancy symptoms. Implantation can happen as early as 5 DPO though, so it's feasible that could've happened 2 days ago and by the time I test tomorrow morning I could have a BFP! If I do I'm sure it'll be super faint, but a pink line is a line. If it's grey then it's probably an evaporation line or an indent. I'm truly not expecting to see anything other than the control line tomorrow, but I'm curious. It would be so cool if I do get a BFP! If I do I'll still re-test on Saturday (10 DPO) because the line should be darker. Heck, if I get a BFP tomorrow I'll most likely test again Friday, haha. It'd be interesting to compare them side by side and get a photo. I guess if I get a BFP I'll also use a First Response, but maybe not until 10 DPO. Wouldn't it be awful to get a BFP on one test and not on another?! I know that's happened for some women. A lot of people say Wondfos detect pregnancy even earlier than FRERs, but then there are some people who say the opposite. I guess it really depends! I'll stick with the Wondfos at least until later on, anyway.

Fingers crossed this is our cycle!

CD25 / 2 DPO

My BBT this morning was 98.2ºF, and my charts now state that I ovulated on Wednesday which would make today 3 DPO. I'm pretty sure I ovulated on Thursday though, because of all the cramps I had that night, so I think I'm 2 DPO. Either way, I ovulated! And either way, we timed sex well; both FF and CTP gave me high scores for intercourse timing!

If we conceive this cycle (fingers crossed!) our baby's estimated date of delivery (EDD) will be April 11th or April 12th 2012. Seeing as we live in Phoenix, Arizona, April would be a wonderful month to give birth; I'd much rather be heavily pregnant in the spring than the summer! Whichever way it happens, I'm going to fully embrace pregnancy. It'd just be far more comfortable to be heavily pregnant when it's not 100ºF+!

If I go by my charts and assume I am in fact 3 DPO today, then I'll take my first HPT in 5 days - Thursday July 28th. I know that at only 8 DPO the likelihood of a HPT being positive isn't that high, but I know I won't be able to resist! Just as well I bought the Wondfos in bulk, eh?!

Right now I'm having some little twinges in my pelvic area, it's probably too early for implantation but maybe something positive is happening! :-)

CD23

This morning I used both my old thermometer and my new basal thermometer. I used them both in exactly the same way, before I was out of bed. The old one said 97.0ºF and the new one 97.5ºF. Now, I know that ideally you shouldn't change the thermometer during your cycle, but I'm inclined to believe the new thermometer. The reason being, that I used both yesterday but that time I used the new one after I was up and about, and the reading was 0.2ºF higher than with my old one, which I used before I got out of bed. So for there to be a big difference under the exact same conditions seems odd, right? So I'm gonna start using the new one as of tomorrow. I recorded the temperature from the new one today, too.

We DTD last night but didn't finish, hubby was really tired. To be honest, so was I. Nevermind! We DTD when he finished work this afternoon, so it's all good. Since about an hour after that, I've been having pretty intense cramps. They're nowhere near as bad as period cramps, but they're worse than they have been. I've been cramping mildly for several days now, and I figured it must be my body getting ready to ovulate. That correlates with my CM, too. My CM today is very watery still, so it's still classed as fertile. I think I might have ovulated today, because of all the cramping. Of course I could be wrong, we'll see in the morning I guess when I take my BBT.

My skin feels horrible and greasy, I've got what I would call a 'breakout' (3 zits - my hubby was like, "really, that's a breakout?!" - um, for me, yes!). I've also been really sleepy today, I kept falling asleep on the couch when I was trying to watch a couple of TV shows. I'm guessing it's all down to hormones, which again would tie-in with ovulation. :-)

We went to Target today and I bought a 3-pack of First Response Early Result HPTs. I had a coupon for $2 off, from the last pack I had. It was $9.99 for 2 or $12.99 for 3, so I got the 3-pack for $10.99. I have 49 Wondfo tests left, so I'm hardly about to run out, but I want to confirm any potentially positive result I might get on a Wondfo, with a FRER. I now have 4 of those, I had 1 left from last month. Knowing me, when I do get a BFP I'll rush out to buy a digital HPT too, just to see the word 'pregnant'! What can I say, I'm probably not going to believe it right away!

Speaking of BFPs, I really hope that this will be our cycle! If I have just ovulated today or yesterday then I'll have to wait a while to test. When O is confirmed on my charts, I'll probably decide to test on 8DPO, 10DPO, 12DPO and 14DPO. At least the Wondfo tests were only $0.19 each! So even if I do test 4 times, it's still less than $1 wasted (or, hopefully not wasted!)

I'm feeling fairly optimistic this cycle, even though it's CD23 and I still don't have a confirmed ovulation date! When it happens, it'll be better late than never, right?!

CD20

Still no ovulation according to my charts! Aaargh! I had quite a lot of cramping last night, not painful but noticeable, and was sure I must be about to ovulate. Hmm... Maybe I will today, then? I hate having to wait until tomorrow morning to find out if I ovulated today!

When I woke up and took my BBT this morning, I got the idea in my head to take a HPT. I knew full well that it was 99.9% going to be negative, but I did it anyway. I was right, it was negative! Why I did it, I don't really know. Just as well I bought that pack of 50 for under $10, isn't it? I guess I was trying to rationalize why I haven't ovulated yet and thought, "Well, if I'm pregnant, I won't ovulate!" - even though I know my period was horrendous and there can't be a chance of me being pregnant! This TTC thing drives me crazy sometimes, I swear!

I really, really hope that I will ovulate today. I need to! I'm starting to worry that it might not happen this cycle and that would royally suck. I know that stress can delay ovulation, so I'm trying not to stress about it, but I don't think I'm being super successful. In fact, I'm clearly failing miserably because I can't stop thinking about it!

Now I always said I didn't want to use OPKs but I'm thinking maybe it would be a good idea for my next cycle, if we don't conceive this time. Or, it could also drive me crazy like the temping thing. I was thinking about the temping and how if I wasn't doing it I would just assume I've already ovulated and wouldn't be worried about it, and maybe sometimes ignorance is bliss... However, if you don't ovulate and it becomes a regular thing, you can get Clomid which will make you ovulate, so I guess if I don't ovulate this time or next time, or the time after that, I can go to the doctor and get a prescription for it. I'm hoping I won't need to though! :-)

Spotting...

OK, so after wishing for my period to just be here already, I had the tiniest amount of spotting last night when I went to bed. I figured my period was coming, I had a terrible sleep (cramping a lot) and then this morning when I went to the bathroom I was convinced I'd be bleeding. Well, there was nothing.

So now I'm confused. Unless I ovulated later than I thought, it's too late to be implantation bleeding. I just don't know anymore. Implantation can happen up to 12 days after ovulation, so I guess it's technically possible - yesterday was June 27th, so I would've had to have conceived on June 15th. We didn't DTD that day, but we did on June 12th, 13th and 14th so to conceive on June 15th is feasible I guess. If I ovulated on June 15th then that would make today 13 DPO... And if the spotting I had last night was implantation bleeding, then all the tests I took previously would have been way too early. You don't have hCG in your system until the fertilized egg implants in the uterine wall, so if implantation occurred last night, even the test yesterday morning would've been too early...

Of course that scenario contains a lot of ifs and it's probably more likely that I'm gonna get my period at some point soon. I can't completely dismiss the idea though - it's possible.

I feel as though I'm grasping at straws, though. It's not likely I'm pregnant, is it? If my period doesn't show up in the next few days then maybe I am indeed pregnant...

13 DPO

I feel better today, I'm not dwelling on that silly dream anymore! I know it was kinda silly but it just felt so real and that's why I was upset.

Today I should be 13 DPO, I kinda wanted to take a HPT this morning but I resisted the urge. I'm going to take one first thing tomorrow morning though, 14 DPO. My period should come soon if I'm not pregnant. I haven't had any spotting whatsoever since my last period, and I'm having occasional cramps but they're not bad.

I'm still really bloated and gassy but I haven't been having many headaches these past few days (I do have a mild one now though). I'm still tired and I have really mild nausea at times, but nothing awful. My boobs feel pretty much normal and I don't have backache right now. So I don't have lots of pregnancy symptoms at the moment, which makes me think I'm probably not pregnant. However, some people don't really have any symptoms at this early stage and since I've never been pregnant before I don't know how it'll be for me. I don't feel confident that I'll get a BFP tomorrow, though - I'm really just expecting another BFN. I'd be so happy if I did get a BFP, I'd be over the moon. I just don't think this is our month, but that's OK - we've only just started TTC, after all.

11-12 DPO

OK so today I think I'm 11 DPO (could be 12 though) and I feel the same as I have been feeling. I gave in to temptation this evening and took a HPT, because I realized I hadn't peed for about 5 hours. It was negative. I actually feel fine about it, because it could still be too early to get a positive result. That's what I'm holding onto, anyway!

So I'll re-test on Monday morning, unless I get my period before then. Hopefully I won't, and I'll get my BFP then!!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed anyway! :-)

I just ordered some Wondfo HPTs from Amazon.com, they're way cheaper than any tests you can buy in stores and they're supposed to be good. Well, I ordered a pack of 50 (yes, 50!) for $9.45. It works out at like 19c per test, which is awesome! I also ordered a basal body temperature thermometer for under $9 (it has a backlight so that'll be useful seeing as you're meant to test before you get out of bed on a morning) and then I needed to spend a little extra to qualify for free shipping (if I didn't, then I'd end up spending the same difference just on shipping - may as well get something for that money, right?!). Well, I browsed baby stuff for ages and looked at all kinds of things, like onesies, booties, socks, hats, blankets, bibs... I eventually chose something, it's a really cute owl stroller toy! I figured it wouldn't matter if we had a girl or a boy with that - most of the clothes were gender-specific and a lot of the stuff was really nice but a lot more than I needed to spend to get the free shipping. The owl toy was a little more than I needed to spend, but only by a couple of bucks so nothing major! It should all arrive by the end of next week, I can't wait! Here's the owl toy:

Hubby and I went out shopping today, we went to TJ Maxx and the mall, mainly just to get out of the house. Outdoors activities are a no-go here for the next 3 months or so, it's been around 110ºF here recently with no sign of it cooling down! We do live in Phoenix, though - it's the desert, what do you expect, right?! So we needed to go somewhere with A/C!

Anyway, we had a look at some baby stuff and I was sooo wanting to buy a nice baby blanket, they had some amazing deals in TJ Maxx (beautiful soft baby blankets for around $7, rather than their SRP of $36!) but hubby wouldn't let me. Well, he couldn't really have stopped me obviously but I think he just wants me to stop getting carried away. I can't say I blame him, to be honest! I told him that as soon as I find out I'm pregnant, we're going back there! :-)

6-7 DPO

I'm cramping a little today, nothing major or really painful, just dull cramps. I'm hoping that it's not a sign that my period is on its way... I keep telling myself it could be implantation cramping, which I suppose it could be, but I'm trying to prepare myself for it being my period instead. It would be the right kind of time for implantation to occur, though - I'm 6-7 DPO right now, if I'm right about when I ovulated, and implantation is supposed to occur at 5-10 DPO. Also, if I'm right about my ovulation date, then it should be too early for my period.

I'm still kinda bloated and gassy, and I feel a little lightheaded, but I don't think either of those things can be attributed to pregnancy - well, they can, but they're also attributable to a lot of other things! I've had a few episodes of mild nausea over the past 3-4 days, but nothing severe. The thing is, some women have lots of symptoms very early, while some have very few or even no symptoms until they're like 6-8 weeks pregnant. It's easy to look on every little thing as being a 'good sign' and in doing so, you could be setting yourself up for a big disappointment.That's what's so frustrating about this whole thing - so many things can be a symptom of pregnancy but also a symptom of an impending period.

Hubby thinks I expect to get pregnant right away, which is really not the case - I really hope to get pregnant right away, but the sensible side of me knows it's likely to take some time. I keep trying to be positive but sometimes I just think I should stop thinking about it, because the chances aren't really in our favor if you look at the statistics! Healthy fertile couples apparently have a 20% chance of conceiving with each cycle, so that's an 80% chance of not conceiving with each month, too.

I'll confess, on Friday night the waiting was really getting to me and I did a pregnancy test just in case I might have ovulated earlier than I thought. Well, I really thought I could see a very very faint positive result, but I think I was seeing what I wanted to see. The line was definitely there, albeit really faint, but I suspect it was some kind of glitch or something. It wasn't enough to convince me that it was real, anyway.

I'd love to be able to do a test now but it would most likely be a waste of a test. At 6-7 DPO it's too early. Some people have had positive results after 8 DPO but I think they're in the minority. It's a shame the tests are single use - it'd be great if you could get one that was somehow reusable, I don't know if that's even possible but it would be worth paying extra for! I got 2 packs of 2 First Response Early Result HPTs and they were $8 per pack, so if I take one too early that's $4 down the drain each time, which doesn't seem like a lot but if this baby-making process goes on for many months (I hope it doesn't!) then that would start to add up. I need to refrain from testing before 12 DPO, so at least I'm in with a good chance of getting a positive result if in fact I am pregnant. It could still be negative if there isn't enough hCG in my system, though - which would mean re-testing in 2-3 days to see if anything's changed.

I guess at the end of the day, what will be will be. I sincerely hope that when I take that test it's positive, but I need to be realistic about it.

Impatient!

Wow, I'm finding this 2 week wait (2ww) really hard! It's my first, of course. From the forums I've been reading it seems a lot of people do a pregnancy test 12 days post ovulation which would mean I could test on June 24th or 25th. The tests I bought are supposed to be accurate from 6 days before your period is due, but the accuracy increases the longer you wait. I'm guessing if I did ovulate when I think I did, my period would be due around June 26th or 27th, so testing 2 or 3 days before I should get the correct result. Not necessarily the result I want, of course, but I guess if I test and it's negative, and my period doesn't show, then I'll re-test 2 or 3 days later.

So, 8 or 9 days until I can test! It feels like forever because I can't stop thinking about baby stuff!

Shopping!

This afternoon we went to Target and bought 4 First Response Early Result pregnancy tests and a book - "What To Expect When You're Expecting". I've been looking through the book this evening and it's really useful actually. It's already answered a few questions I had, and I've only been skimming through it! I'd definitely recommend it, it's very informative and easy to read. It also has a lot of pre-conception information which I've found useful.

Apparently coffee is OK during pregnancy, up to 200 mg per day (about 1.5 cups of the kind we drink). Even so, yesterday I decided not to drink any more coffee. I know that when my mom was pregnant with me she had a strong aversion to coffee, so maybe I'll have the same problem with it anyway. I just feel better avoiding caffeine, even though it's not strictly necessary.

I haven't had any alcohol for ages and I won't be now until after we have our baby! I've never smoked so that's not an issue for me.

I'll have to cut out sushi, which I love, but that's OK.

Damn, I'm so bloated and gassy right now... I feel so fat! I wonder if it's the prenatal vitamins doing it to me, I've heard they can make you gassy. I guess I'll have to get used to it then!